- OOooh I love the way you fleshed (no pun intended hehe) this chapter out from the short excerpt/outline you had initially jotted down. Though I was surprised by Yojimbo's bluntness but then again that's how he is and fits the character and personality you are making of him.
(#) cupcakegirl 2006-03-24I've been following this for a little while now, and I freaking love what you've done with it. Smokin' hot, it's just gorgeous.
I don't get this last chapter though. Does Yojimbo want to sleep with her? What? I'm not sure! Oh well. Can't wait to read what's next.
Author\'s Response: Thank you! That's high praise coming from you; you've got such a way with words! I'm afraid my addiction to cliffhangers means I was being vague on purpose. adjusts halo
- I love the way Lulu compares and weighs all of her companions as warriors.
I also absolutely love the description of Auron and Lulu fighting together. That is beautifully done.
Their dialogue in this portion flows remarkably smoothly as well. The mention of the shoopuf is amusing and wonderful.
I love the way Ginnem is so arrogant and bold.
Your description of the chamber of the fayth is wonderful. Yojimbo does crouch very like a spider in that cave - those trailing ribbons that sealed him in remind me of a web.
You describe those flashbacks brilliantly. The gorey scene of Ginnem's death is wondefully and gruesomely written. I love the nasty little touches - how Yojimbo's clothes look so out of place in the carnage, how his dog seems to have actually feasted on some of Ginnem's remains shudders.
You write Yojimbo's dialogue so well too. I love his arrogance, his coldness, the way he rcognizes the value of the items Lulu brings, but discards them nonetheless. I love the mention of "interest" and the way you describe those items Lulu has brought.
Yojimno comes around to naming his price in a very interesting way too. His insults are so cutting and cruel and so very human.
In case you couldn't tell this chapter is my favourite yet.
- Oh! This Yojimbo fellow --I like him in the unique way a antagonizing sadist can be likeable. I enjoy the backstory you are giving him. He is an individual, and not so hollow and saintly as most of the Aeons seem. I also enjoy your sense of pacing, you are much more deft than I at moving a story along at a good clip. You also place the flashbacks well and the main narration flows nicely around them. I am kind of glad I held off starting this one...it would be an agonizing to wait til the next chapter.
(#) pyrefly_sky 2006-05-09Lulu savouring Auron's movements is a really nice idea (and allows me to savour them too!)
Aurons guilt at his own actions here read very well, disguising his own previous stupidity by lecturing Lulu. Lulu noticing but deciding not to comment shows a great level of respect that would otherwise have been easy to overlook.
Lulu's flashbacks are written wonderfully, they really tug at the right heartstrings and instead of making me feel sorry for her they make me feel determined for her.
Lulu's real motive comes over in this. (I'm not sure how to phrase this but I'll try!) I'm glad you waited before having them seek out Yojimbo, it adds more depth through the timing. There are a lot of people who would have rushed right in to Yojimbo and started the story with Auron finding her there instead, but this way works much better and has allowed for some really in depth and beautiful character and relationship building, so by the time they arrive at Yojimbo we have a clear view of the relationship level which makes the reactions in the next few chapters even more believable. ^_^
"recoiling as the spirit's insubstantial image brushed against and through her." This is a very good reflection on Yojimbo's character (how you want him to be seen) as it shows really well how little regard he has for people, not even giving the small courtesy of stepping around them rather than just walking through them. A complete invasion of everything that is theirs. Also his language sounds cruder and well placed due to the overall tone of the writing up to this point, the contrast works very well. It's made very clear by his actions that Yojimbo knows he can't be touched.
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