It was like a dream, something unreal or out of a storybook of some sort. Lavender and sky blue were everywhere, lavishing the small church with beautiful décor. It was almost like a miracle, and it amazed me. “Ryan, it’s so gorgeous,” I whispered.
“Brendon said you would like it,” he agreed. He smiled at me. How handsome he looked all in his tuxedo and with his shirt freshly pressed. He smelled wonderful too.
“Brendon was correct,” I agreed, turning my eyes from his gaze.
Suddenly, he reached over and took my hand. A large bay window poured afternoon sunlight on the room. “The sanctuary awaits us, love,” he whispered. “And what would the most fantastic wedding in the world be without the bride and her maid of honor?”
I could only laugh. It was true. Ryan was my best man, or my ‘maid of honor’, like the boys liked to tease him. I had no girlfriends, no mother and no sister, so it would have to be a boy on my side of the altar, not a girl.
“Thank you so much for doing this Ryan…” I let my voice trail off and disappear in the still air.
He smiled and squeezed my hand. “It’s the least I could do.”
“For who?” Though I wanted to take the words back as soon as I said them, they were out there anyways.
“For the both of you; my best friend and the possible carrier of my baby.”
I slapped his arm with much aggression. “Ryan, stop that! Please.”
He shrugged and his face turned smug. “It’s true, Alena and you know it.”
“Well, I don’t want to think about it today, Ryan. Please. Just not today.” I watched his expression soften and her put his arm through mine.
“Come now, we don’t want the bride to be late for her own wedding.” Upon saying that, considering we were behind closed doors, leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I didn’t open my eyes even when we stopped kissing, but I felt him pull away a few centimeters, his breath still lingering of my face. “It’s such a shame I am the one to give you away,” he whispered, touching my face. “But I know that I must.”
Jon patted my shoulder. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “Everything is going to be wonderful.”
I let out a nervous breath, my whole body trembling. Any second now, she would be walking down the isle, all dressed in white, beautiful as ever and then, finally, she would be my wife. My heart was pounding a thousand miles an hour. I was so anxious to see her, to seal the deal, the make sure that she would wholly and honestly be mine for the rest of forever. I wanted to be bound to her by every tie possible, I wanted to ensure that nothing would change that.
The small congregation before us seemed to be holding their breath in anticipation. A small crowd sat in the bride’s section. It consisted of Pete, Patrick, Joe and Andy, the lady who helped us pick out her dress, the lady from Century 21 who sold us our house and of course the Cab made it there too and sat on her side as well. We needed someone to help fill the place of her family.
And on my side sat my parents, my siblings and their families, then Jon, Spencer and Ryan’s families, though it was only Ryan’s mom who made up Ryro’s family.
The organ sounded with “Here Comes the Bride” and the precession began. The ushers opened the doors, and the flower girl, Elizabeth’s oldest daughter, Marie, paraded through dressed in white and began to throw lavender and sky blue flower petals on the carpet, leading up to the altar. Then behind her came my bride, like an angel and on her arm was her best man and my best friend, Ryan Ross. A light lace veil fell over her face, blocking me from seeing her in all of her glory, but soon I would know. Though it seems like I could never know soon enough.
My little cousin Drake followed close behind her, barring two wedding bands on a purple pillow. Two other little girls, both who I recognized to be Isabella’s (my other sister’s) daughters, carried Alena’s train.
Finally, what seemed to be decades, she reached me. The wait was over; this was it. The time had finally come, the moment I had been waiting my whole life for.
“And who gives this woman to this man?” the preacher asked.
“And who are you?”
“Her best friend,” he replied proudly.
“Thank you Ryan,” she whispered and placed a kiss on his check. He smiled lightly, took her bouquet, a glorious arrangement of roses, lavender, sunflowers and wild Kansas flowers, and stood at her side, like a good best man should.
She turned to me then. I reached out and lifted her veil and took in her face. She was so beautiful, her glasses gone revealing two very large emerald-blue orbs, her face soft and lovely. Her makeup was done so perfectly, it appeared as if she weren’t wearing any. She smiled, showing off two rows of perfect white teeth. It made my heart lurch just at the sight of her. Everything about her made me seem meager and replaceable.
I reached out and took her long, slender hands into mine. I felt the softness of her smooth, pale skin. She smiled again.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the holy union of Brendon Boyd Urie and Alena Melody Lee Miller…”
Everything seems so unreal, like a fable or a fairy tale. I held her in my arms, swaying to the sweet music that poured out onto the dance floor. It was remarkable. Finally, here, everything was right and complete. Nothing was messed up or turned around, as it had been just a short time ago. Now I could see forever, and how close it had always been. Now, it was finally here. I was living the moment, experiencing the love and fulfillment I had been living without my whole life. I feel rotten just thinking back to those other women, to Audrey, to all the other nameless, faceless women that were in my past. It seems like I have just be escalating up to this point, this very moment.
“Alena Melody Urie…” I whispered her new name into her ear, holding her so close to me, keeping her so very near.
“Brendon Boyd Urie…” she said back. We were dancing, cheek to cheek. I could smell the sweet perfume on her neck; it smelled of orchids and rose water.
“I can’t believe we are here together, at last. I can’t believe we are finally one another’s…” I said, trying to keep my voice even.
“I know,” she answered. “It appears to me that everything leading up to this was… nothing. Nothing before I met you went right. Then, that day we met, I was a disaster. But I knew you’d look after me, take care of me just by the way you were that night.”
“I’ll take care of you forever and for always, baby. I promise.”
She nodded her head. “I know. And I couldn’t be any more grateful.”
I can see them, just across the dance floor, dancing cheek-to-cheek. They are whispering to each other.
I swallow a bit of pride when I sip my apple juice.
Do you know that Alena hates punch? So she ordered apple juice to be served instead. Not that I mind in the least. I happen to love apple juice. It’s just not ‘traditional’.
“You need a girl, man,” Jon says, punching me playfully on the shoulder.
I shrugged. “It wouldn’t make me happier, if that’s what you’re implying.”
Jon threw me a sideways glance. “I know you love her Ryan. But you have to let her go, understand? They’re perfect for one another.”
I nodded my head and patted Jon on the back. “Hey, thanks bro. I know. I guess I just need more time…”
Jon stood there for a moment, and I looked away from the dancing newlyweds for the first time all day.
“Time heals everything, Ryan.”
I smirked at his comment, though he couldn’t see my expression. “So true, Jon.”
Jon gave me a pat on the back and left to go to his date’s side, bringing her a fresh glass of apple juice. I laughed a little bit.
Again, my attention went to across the room. Brendon picked Alena up and twirled her around, and she was laughing her musical laugh. I felt my heart melt and all my thoughts began to race.
“For the both of you; my best friend and the possible carrier of my baby.”
“Ryan, stop that! Please.”
Did she not want it to be mine? How long could we keep it a secret? My head began to spin and I gripped the edge of the table.
Let it go, Ryan. Let it go, Ryan. Let it go…
I kept telling myself that, but I couldn’t. I brought my eyes back to them once more, and they were kissing.
I wonder what Brendon would think if he had known that I had had my hands all over her body, all the places he’s touched. I’ve ran my fingers through that long, beautiful hair. I’ve had my lips where he’s had his.
I’ve held her close to me, listening to the pounding of her heart. I’ve heard he scream my name. I stood up right finally and walked out the door.
I’ve had my hands all over her body, places maybe even Brendon hasn’t been yet.
Even if it were only once, I’ve still had her. We were each other’s for a few moments in time. We were together…
But that's all I can say any more... is the were.