Categories > Celebrities > Good Charlotte > Another Broken Day

confusion

by queen_misery 2 Reviews

will benji ever be able to accept the way billy feels? chapter 3

Category: Good Charlotte - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst - Characters:  - Published: 2006/03/26 - Updated: 2006/03/26 - 1831 words

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Disclaimer: I do not own Good Charlotte

~ Billy's POV ~

I open my eyes slowly, I feel like i've been drugged nothing seems real. I can't feel my body, i'm in a bed looking up at a white roof, where am i? I know i'm not in my room cause it has poster's everywhere. How did I get here? did I faint and someone take me in to help? i can't remember a thing.

Tour bus!! I was on the tour bus with Paul and Chris watching television, that's the last thing I remember. ..what happened to me?.
I look to my right and see a machine connected to me and realise i'm in a hospital room..... but why?

The door opens and I see Benji walk in. seeing him stops my breath, I've always loved him since I joined the band and moved in with him and his twin Joel. He sits next to me on my left because theres no room on my right with the machine.

"Billy?" Benji says, his eyes are red from crying. why? why was he crying?. I wish I could remember something..anything.

He starts to cry and I want to reach out and wipe his tears away but I can't move my arms, I can't focus. I feel like i'm half asleep or drugged..he takes my hand and places it between his and holds it.

"i'm so sorry Billy" he says as a tear falls down his cheek. why is he apoligizing?, he's never done anything to hurt me, he would never hurt me.
I want to make him stop crying, to tell him I love him and he did nothing.

"I didn't mean to hurt you..I thought you were joking, seeing how far I would go, I never thought you would..."
Would what? I felt like screaming at him, I can't remember anything and his acting so strange.

"Benj.." I manage to say,it's hard to speak because my mouth is dry. he looks at me with shock.

"Billy.." he starts running his fingers through my hair " you were in a car accident ...you crossed the lane and hit a car head on...why did you do it billy?..."
Do what? did he think I hit the car on purpose? how stupid does he think I am? why would I do that?.

I start getting feeling back in my arms and legs, it hurts so much, I try to move but I can't.
"i'll go get a nurse" Benji says standing up, he kisses me on the forhead and then walks out closing the door behind him. I wish he wouldn't leave, i'm in so much pain I just want him to hold me and make the pain go away. everything is OK when Benji is around. he makes me feel safe.

~Benjis POV~

I walked out of the room. I couldn't stand to see Billy all cut up and bruised, he barely survived the crash. This morning we got a call saying that Billy was in hospital. I left a note for everyone about what happened when they got up, and left for the hospital before even havng a shower or breakfast, he was in surgery when I got here.

I told Joel everthing about what happened the night before, and found out that billy really did have feelings for me since we met. I felt so bad when Joel told me, no wonder he tried to kill himself, I was such a fucking asshole to him.

I walk up to Joel, Paul and Chris at the end of the hall, there only letting in one person at a time.

"hey..how is he?" Joel asks

"well...he woke up" I say not wanting to talk about it. I don't know how to deal with this, I loved Billy as a brother but nothing else....i've never thought about it really.

"it'll be alright babe" my girlfriend Jesse says hugging me, she kisses me on the cheek and rubs my back in useless circles. I pull away from her and walk towards the door for outside, Joel follows me but doesn't say anything.

"do you love him?" Joel asks finally after we get outside.

"what?...no...Billy's like a brother to me...how can I feel for him that way?"

"well..what are you going to do....because Billy really loves you and its gunna kill him to know you don't feel the same way...especially after everything thats happened to him in his life"

"I know...I don't want to hurt him" I sit down on the grass and watch the people walking in and out of the hospital, Joel sits next to me.

I didn't know what to do. Billy was abused by his parents when he was little, his mother had died when he was two years old and his step mother always use to put him in home made porno movies and let her friends have there way with him, then when he was in high school we convinced him to come live with us. his dad beat him when he found out what he was doing with his life, and thought it was a waste of time to be in a band. I don't love billy..do i?...I don't even know why he feels like that towards me i'm not good enough for Billy.

"I can't love billy....i'm not gay"

"you sound like your trying to convince yourself more than me...what would be so wrong with it anyway..you know everything about eachother...you care about eachother...theres alot of reasons why it would be good for both of you" Joel says
I gave him a dirty look "you try it and then tell me how good it is"

"don't get mad at me...i'm just trying to understand, Billy is my best friend to and I don't want him to get hurt, or for the band to break up"

"gee..its so good to know that you care about how I feel...if your so worried about Billy why don't you be with him?" I say walking off, I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I just needed time to think. what if Billy leaves the band if he finds out I don't like him more than a friend?. I don't want to lose him.

"Benj..." I hear Joel call after me but I ignore him and continue to walk away towards my car. I get in and drive away, I don't know where i'm going I just needed to get away from there.

silent words (acoustic)
Inside alone
This worlds coming down on me again
Nowhere to run to
As these twisted thought flow through my head
I never wanted to break away
Can't help that I don't feel the same
And now i'm standing here
Asking myself if i'm to blame
These silent words you'll never hear
These frozen thought will not appear
And i'm breaking down inside of me
Still noone sees
I stare into myself i'm scared
Of what I just might find
A reflection of my past
Something i've always tried to hide
Now my life is coming apart
Why must I always be this way?
Now i'm standing here
Asking myself if i'm to blame
These silent words you'll never hear
These frozen thoughts will not appear
And i'm breaking down inside of me
Still noone see's
I can no longer take this
The pain that lives inside of me
Must find a way to erase this
So I can finally breathe
These silent words you'll never hear
These frozen thoughts will not appear
And i'm breaking down inside of me
Still noone sees
One sees

~Joels P.O.V~

I watch him get into his car and drive away before going back inside to check on Billy.
I meet Paul, Chris and Benji's girlfriend in the waiting room.

"where's Benji?" Jesse asks standing up out of the straight back chair and walking towards me.

" umm..I don't know he drove off, he's really upset I think he just needs time to think bout stuff."

"well....how am I gunna get home? I don't wanna wait in a hospital all day for one of your friends"

God I hated her, cold hearted bitch doesn't think about anyone but herself ....just like Benji ...no wonder they get along so well

"you could always take a taxi...or a bus" I say

"eww are you serious? there so dirty..." she holds her hand out to me as if i'm suppose to give her something "give me your keys" she demands

"excuse me?"

"you can get a lift home with Paul or Chris they brought there cars, i'll take yours and go find Benji"

"or you could just walk"
she just looks at me shocked as I walk away from her and go see Billy.

I walk into Billy's room and see him lying on the bed, he's face is all cut and bruised and his right eye won't open properly. He has a cast on his left wrist, and his right leg is also broken but I can't see them, the doctors told me he has three broken ribs and bruising and swelling around his spine, so they won't know if he has full use of his legs until the swelling goes down. poor Billy. I sit next to him and take his hand. "hi billy"

"hi....where's Benj?"

"he had to go...he had some things to sort out"

"well is he gunna come back?"

Fuck!! he looks so sad, he would never be asking to see him if he remembered what happened last night, the doctors say he'll get his memory back in the next couple of weeks and that we shouldn't tell him anything that has happened because he has to figure it out himself.

"...I don't know lil Billy why don't you try to get some rest? you'll feel better"

"i'm not tired" he says but he yawns about 5 seconds later and starts to fall asleep, he's so cute when he sleeps, I run my hands through his hair and kiss him on the forehead before getting up to leave. He grabs my hand

"can you stay with me?" he asks in a tiny voice, I forgot he was afraid of hospitals..some best friend I am...

"sure lil Billy" I sit back down next to him and stroke his hair more.
When he first moved in with us me and Benji would sometimes have to sit next to his bed because he was afraid his dad or step mother would come and hurt him. I crawled onto the bed lying next to him and spooning his body. I fell asleep stroking his hair, and listening to him whimper in his sleep.

A/N: please review, the song silent words(acoustic) is not mine its by a band called scars of life
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