3 years since my daughter was born my life changed completely of course. I wasn't the shy girl in the classroom, well kind of but I learned to speak out more and to be more strong and protective of not only her but myself.
Asia Simone Bryar was born March 26th/ 6lbs,4 oz. The moment I held her and her blue eyes looked into mine,I knew we would be close. As far as I'm concerned she is my everything. I love every single thing about her. It was only a month after the 'incident' I found out I was pregnant. Nobody knew not even Tephira, which I know was messed up not to tell her but I just couldn't bare to tell anyone when I was still trying to convince myself. Thankfully I had only 4 months left as a senior. I didn't fully show until I was 5 months and even then I was still in denial. My parents weren't exactly thrilled about it but they came around when Asia turned one and they held her for the first time. But I still saw that dissapointed look in they're eyes and that hurt more than anything.
When I moved to Newark,I was enternally grateful that I was able to fully evaluate what i wanted in life. And as I thought more and more about it, I began to ponder if I was really
ready to be a mom and I reached my lows where I knew I wasn't. I considered adoption, and dare
I say it, abortion, but I canceled that out because no baby deserves that. It wasn't until the night when I was reading Breaking Dawn when she moved inside me. I couldn't describe the feeling of physically feeling another life growing inside you. That's when I knew I wasn't ready to let go of her just yet. I made sure I had everything prepared for my little creature.
I remembered when I thought about contacting Bob and telling him about her sooner or later, I mean he is her father after all, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess I gave Asia his last name in some kind of clarity to him. I tried so hard, but going through that painful morning and when Bob walked out he left....me. I may sound selfish but I'm doing my best not to. It's just better to leave things the way they are, I'm content with just me and her.
Which now, 3 years later, I smile because I got to watch this little thing blossom into a wonderful bright girl. But everyday i'm with her, I see him. Her nose wrinkles when she's
mad; just like him. She liked to take stuff apart; just like him. Her eyes get glossy when she's extremely happy about something; just like him.
It was clearly obvious that she was his. Her once dark hair had faded to his color. She was all him. I constantly wonder if it's best I don't tell him or what's best for Asia. I hope i'm doing the right thing by thing by just focusing on her and my career. I know she thinks about him, I hung a picture over her crib when she was born. It was all of us sitting under the tree at the park. Gerard has his arm around Mikey, Frank had Jamia in his lap, Ray was smiling his goofy grin, Bob had his drumsticks in his hands with his gorgeous smile and I was in the middle of everyone with
Mikey's hand ruffling my hair. She hasn't seen any recent pictures of him but deep down in my heart I know that she would somehow know who he was, should she come across him one day and that made me extremely anxious in the worst way. But one day I will have to tell her. Not today, not tomorrow, but soon.
Asia was still at the table, twirling the soft pony's hair in her hands. I turned the tv on while I made breakfast and my heart began beating like a ticking bomb getting ready to explode
as I heard those unmistakeable words.
"So My Chemical Romance, we understand that you are taking quite a break to record your new album?" the blonde interviewer asked. I smiled as listened to my favorite voice.
"Yes we are, we're very stoked to be in the studio again, but we'll still be touring for the last two weeks, and then It's to L.A we go, but all of us are very anxious to get recording the new album." Gerard's voice beamed. His raven black hair was longer and his laugh was still loud. I listened to the sound of Frank's voice and then my eyes widened and I couldn't breathe all the way. It was...him. His sandy blonde hair was longer and his black lip ring still shined brightly as ever, and his smile was still capitivating. I watched him for a minute when I couldn't stand it anymore and my eyes widened as Asia stood up to grab the small hairbrush for the pony and I quickly turned the channel. She looked at me with curious eyes and I just smiled nervously. This was getting too hard to keep. When Asia sat back down I exhaled with relief and continued making french toast for us both. I put it on two black plates and set one plate down in front of Asia who clapped her hands happily while I on the other hand, was suddenly not hungry.
I watched Asia nibble on the toast,her bangs covering her eyes and her small fingers went to work at tearing small pieces. All in all she was an amazing little girl. Her laugh was a sweet melody you could listen to all day. She was rather smart for her age but alittle shorter than the average 3 year old,I guess she got that from me. Everything else was all him.I may have done alot of things wrong but being a mother to a beautiful girl, was certainly not on my list of regrets...I just wished he would able to see that too.
Sign up to rate and review this story