Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Clandestine's School for the Strange

Jizzed In My Pants

by Chicago-Kid 5 reviews

Coz I jizzed in my pants (who hearts Patrick?!)

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Erotica - Warnings: [X] [R] [?] - Published: 2009-04-22 - Updated: 2009-04-23 - 1955 words

0Unrated
For some strange reason, Gabe was the first to come over with his fam-fams (do you like my new word?)
He came up into my room first and then told me he was just cruising the streets.
“Why were you out so early?!”I asked.
He took the time to tap his nose, but then he revealed the TRUE answer
“I couldn’t get Mom and Dad to get out of bed. I already saw what my presents were because I got a little bit over excited tonight and anyway I was back before they were out of bed.”
“Oh. But still! Man, we’re gonna need to get you some anti-trucker pills or something!”
“Oh-ho! There is NO way you can control me Crystal! I am unstoppable!”
He beat his chest like King Kong
“Buttface.” I muttered.
“What?” he said. The next thing I knew I was slapping myself (not too hard, don’t worry)
“Bitch!” I said
“You know, you look so much more calm when I’m contollifying you?”
“Is that a compliment?”
“Yeah. . .” he said, lolling his head to one side
“Ha, you are sleepy! I win!” I said, jumping up
“Fine you defeat me! Fuck me, I’m gonna fall asleep any second now.”
BOOM! He was asleep on my bed.
I started to laugh. I wanted Conquest by The White Stripes to start playing immediately as my triumph soundtrack
“CO-O-ON-QUEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I said that into his ear but he didn’t move an inch. At least the creature was asleep.
He was breathing, BTW
In Patrick’s room (one down the hall), he Joe, Brendon, Ryan and Andy were all in there.
Already Andy was asking if anybody would have any CD’s compatible for Lips.
“GODDAMNIT ANDY!” Brendon exploded as I was creeping past to the bathroom, “NO LIPS!”
It almost sounded like he was about to cry
“Calm down man.” Joe said, wrapping his arms around Brendon. He whispered something into the boy 10 days older than me’s ear. I was thinking it would have been something like, “Don’t worry, we’ll have fun playing demolition derby with it.”
Brendon’s face lit up again and he just went on, staring at the back of Andy’s head, with a kind of dangerous smirk on his face.

I went to the bathroom
FFWD --

Ha, you know what the boys all just made me think of?
South Park.
Weird. . .

We’re at your door said a text from Trixi. Would you mind alerting the Patrick. Hope he’s wearing what I told him to. (or else!)

It’s weird how she just didn’t text him instead.

“Oh Patrick!” I said in my most operical voice, “Your fair lady lover is awaiting your presense in her lime green Christmas present.”
“Oh shit! I forgot!”
All of a sudden a boy wearing a hat that said, “DUHHH. . . “ came bolting out of the room, with nothing more than a dressing gown and a bathrobe
I went and stood at the door, waiting to see the expressions on Joe, Ryan and Brendon’s faces
“Is he seriously going to wear a . . . speedo under that robe?” Ryan asked, a tiny smirk appearing as he spoke
“Yep.” Andy answered, keeping his voice as silent as possible
Then they all burst out in laughter.
Brendon fell off the bed onto the fortunately, rug covered floor.
Joe almost crushed Ryan with his crazed rolling.
Ryan was laughing at full blast. I almost got slammed into the closet from all of the mint scented wind which was blowing in my direction.
Andy was rocking like a crazy old lady.

“What the hell?” Ryan said, in between his hyena laughing.
“Trixi’s Christmas present.”
Brendon coughed really loudly, trying to suppress the laughter a least just a little
“She didn’t seriously mean it though, right?” Andy asked, “Not too mention they aren’t even legal.”
“I don’t think they’re that stupid.” I told him, “Although. Trixi does equal overly promiscuous in Patrick’s presence.”
“Oh shit. . . .” Brendon said, looking out the open door.
“What?” I said
“Look.” Ryan said, pointing at the door
Jeez, I really hate it how they’re always finishing each others –
Patrick was trying to tiptoe past our door in his bathrobe.
“Wind. Wind. Wind.” Andy was trying to whisper to Ryan
“What are you doing?” Patrick said trying to look as unsuspicious as possible
“ARGH!” Patrick yelled out as his bathrobe was actually swept away from him in a severe windstorm (lets call it Ryanstorm?).
Patrick in all his scrawniness stood before us. Somehow the Duh hat had stayed adhered to his head
Now that Brendon was on the ground he was just rolling all over the ground with Andy, even though Andy had still not released from his foetal position. Ryan was just kind of frozen, with his virgin eyes. Joe fell onto the ground on top of Andy but they still all kept on laughing. I had to keep in just a few gigantic laughs.
“Just trying to make a girl happy.” Patrick said, angrily, picking up his robe from the ground.
Unfortunately he forgot that it is not particuarly safe to bend over with only a Speedo on.
“Holy fuck, Patrick. Jeez, well this is a sight for sore eyes. I’m privilleged, really.” I heard the voice of the ex-sleeper Gabe say
“Fuck you guys.” Patrick said, storming down the stairs

“Jizzed in my pants. . . “ Gabe said, walking in the door.
“Coz, I jizzed in my pants.” Ryan began
Brendon and I were beat-boxing (terribly).

I wish that we could of recorded that. Sorry but this is just a tribute, to the best rap in the world, all right!

Pete came up, into the room
“That was an interesting sight.”
“Hi.” I said breathlessly
“Jizzed in my pants.” Joe said immaturely
“Jizzed in my pants.” Pete said mimicking him
“Hey, um, do you guys know anything about my little sisters birthday present at all?” Pete asked, “I think Patrick was wearing it. . .”
“Oh yeah, we already know man!” Andy told him
“The question is,” Ryan said cocking an eyebrow, “Do you know?” Brendon finished
“Um, no.” Pete answered admittedly, looking down at his Batman socks
“Jizzed in my pants.” Brendon whispered to Andy
He giggled
“She uh, bought him,”
I had to stop mid-sentence to regain my sensibility
“SPEEDO!” Gabe yelled out
“A what? Dude, are you serious?!”
“Uh, yeah.” Gabe answered, trying to do the oh-no-you-didn’t! face
He began laughing. Which kept us all laughing. Until Pete almost smashed his head when he was reduced to ground level.
“YouTube!!!” Pete said
more laughing
“Okay, okay. We’ve gotta stop. I think Liz called us down like, a minute ago.” Joe said.
Pete pulled me up off the ground, simultaneously getting pleaded for help by Gabe. Which he ignored.
“Bitch.”
Gabe controlled Pete to pull him off the ground.
“Bitch!” Pete said back after we were down the stairs (Pete carried Gabe down the stairs. Height difference = major issue!)
“Lunchtime.” a more Spanish voice called. Gabe’s mom.

I swear the table looked as if it was going to collapse. After around about 15 years of a couple of times a year dinner parties. . .
GABE GO HOME. NO PARTY HERE!
Sorry about that. After about fifteen years, the table was starting to look a little more concave then level.
There was never as much as there was on Christmas lunch, because everybody was still full from the Christmas Eve dinner. It was more like a leftovers make-your-own-extraordinary-sandwich day. Plus bonbons  (BONUS!)

Damnit, I promised myself I’d stop saying bonus because it said “BONUS JONAS!” on this TV channel I was flicking past the other day. pukes

Pete and I held hands under the table. Yay! Now I have “aw yeah!” powers!
I really didn’t feel like having any of the tofu turkey (no offense to Gabriel’s parents!), so I reached out for the peanut butter. Somebody elses hand was there at the same time. Pete’s. So it ended up as a silent war, with people who have superpowers, completely useless in a situation like so.
Imagine of we did have a super fight over who got the peanut butter first?
I think I would of shadowed onto the top of the table, missing all the sharp utensils and then Pete would go all Kung-Fu Peter Man Toy on me and yeah. There would be tofu EVERYWHERE!
MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (diabolical)
Then there was still the jelly to come.
It ended up falling almost into my lap, but I was out of the chair before it dropped all over the rainbow jeans.
“Oh did you kids HAVE to fight over the jelly!” Mike asked, “There’s another whole jar here!”
“Sorry.” Pete said ashamed
“Me too.” said I sheepishly.
“Calm down Mike. Hold on, I’ll go grab a cloth.”
I felt my thumbs come together behind my back and twiddle.
“Thank you.” I said, wiping my seat clean as soon as I got the cloth.
“You can sit on my hoodie.” Pete said, padding it down on the seat.
“Well, you kids are getting closer. . .” Pete’s mom said in a suspicious tone
“Mom! We’ve going out for weeks!” he burst out
“Oh. . . well, I’m sorry. . . I er, forgot?”
awkward silence
Dad and Peter (Snr. version) cracked open a beer after they had abondoned the table. Apparently there was something good on TV.
KISS: THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!

I think it was some old baseball “GREATEST HITS!” thing. Ha, do you get the irony? Hits. Hits in baseball? Are you with me? I command you to laugh sarcastically. Good.

“So, everybody got the same letter right?” Scarlet asked as soon as Renaldo left the table for the living room.
(She had to re-explain how baseball worked. Really, they were still both figuring it out).
“Yep.”
“Yeah.”
“Yes!”
“Good. I want all of you to go there together, so nobody will be left out.”
“Good plan.” Dale (Trixi and Pete’s mom’s name) replied
“So are you all excited?”
“Yes!”
“Majorly!”
“Yeah. . .”
“Is it alright if we go upstairs now?” Patrick asked Dale.
“Yes. You know what happens when Peter watches these re-runs of baseball, while drinking beer. We’re gonna be here for a while.”
I considered shadowing upstairs. Lucky I didn’t or I wouldn’t of heard this:
”Hope you’re wearing clean underwear. This could turn into a sleepover.” Dale whispered into Pete’s ear.
Somehow, I don’t think she realised I was watching until she finished. Pete was blushing and I rushed to catch up to the others on the stairs.


"""
IT’S DISCUSSION TIME, BEYOTCHES!
Just wanted to know, what did you get for Christmas?! Any embarrassing gifts? Like lime green speedos? Ones that “go with your eyes”? Oh Jeez, never gonna let that go.
XO
poppit

P.S (You can follow me at twitter.com/SporeOfPoppit)
I WILL love you for it. And then I will follow you back to your homes!

Comments:

Whoa! Now I know I’ve never heard your friend Andy sing before but he must honestly be terrible! For you to talk about him being so bad, ear-splitting (and not in the good way!).
Is he honestly that sucky at singing.
FrenchFreddy


Now that I feel bad (just kidding). He is kind of pretty terrible at singing. But Andy is an awesome drummer.
So_KissMeGoodbye


Oh thanks for clearing that up . Lmfao
FrenchFreddy


Hmmmmmm,usually Gerardo is on by this time. . .
So_KissMeGoodbye


Merry Christmas.
I got Killdead 2 and.. . Bring Me The Horizon’s new album!
Soooo good!!!
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