FicWad

crazy
im crazy
what…defines crazy?
yzarac yzarc,that’s crazy backwards
does it mean im mad
or sad and lonely
(or happy or cheery? obnoxiously so?)
that i don’t know
but the feeling i feel, doesn’t feel real
or maybe it does, but who knows? i'm crazy
crazy as yzarac yzarc

ive gained some weight
not enough
but too much
maybe fifteen
or maybe it’s twenty
…
i've been cutting my leg
please i pray, don’t tell my
don’t tell my
don’t tell my
____________________________.
[insert shrink, mother’s, overly dramatic best friends’ name(s) here]

my dog is dying.
i feel it around her
i got this image her last night will come
sooner or later
shes got heart disease & bladder infections
when i pet her stomatch sheusuallygrowls
but today when i pet her stomach she sighed,
then closed her eyes.

Ive been getting these visions
these dreams, these lies
i'm.going.no.where.
i'll be left [behind]; abandon by everyone.

i've given up hope
no show in new jersey.
shows
theatre
it’s all too much anyway [right, one song?]

-first, i want off my hair.
-but right now, it’s my eyebrows
if my friend (whose a girl) can be bald
i can be too if i wanted to

[i want to do it for the same reason frida kahlo did it,
because i want the craziness outside to match the inside
and it’s mainly my way of taking my craziness out on myself
those are also the two reasons i cut my leg
you could say i do it for attention, but no one has noticed my cuts
so, there you have it]

all of these objects surrounding my desk
i could if I wanted to
kill myself with them.
but sucidi suicide is for stupid kids,
they’re overdramatic [right, elisa?]
now isn’t that right?
jon&jay&spencer&sam&brandon&jordan&bryt&charlie&tom[&elisa]&joncham
berlin& chriswells&josh aristy,pugh&lucas&preston&jacob tobia(& youre date at queerprom)&maris[ormaris,howeveryouspellit&joekirlauski&mom&dad&mike&keith]donna&drdahly

note: the []’s indicate additions from the original poem.