If you believe, you'll make it through.
He lied there on the cold tiled floor of the bus staring into nothing. His hazel eyes were now dark and filled with confusion as he layed motionless. His mind was racing while his heart began to slow it's beating but that didn't bother him so much. He wandered there comprehending if he was really ready to welcome death in all it's glory. Would the pain go away? Would he be free from the demons that filled his soul and turned into something he never thought he would be. He didn't know. He could hear noise somewhere in the distance. It may have been voices, he still didn't move. The blood on his wrist was now dry. His inky black hair was moist and stuck to his face. He was lost in his own world and couldn't find a way to get back to the real one. He couldn't find a voice to admit that he needed help. He wanted to be found and someone to hold. Someone who would say it was okay,even if it wasn't. The powder still burned in his nose and empty beer bottles stood by his feet. Another day had gone by, another day he was stuck in
a world that seemed cold and cruel.
Old memories filled his head to the time when he was little. He could see pictures of his favorite person in the world telling him stories, teaching him how to paint, teaching him the ways of life. He could feel a tingling feeling around him. Then it was gone. Everything was black and muffled voices filled the air. He thought one sounded just like Mikey. He even swore he heard his name being called in the distance. His eyes had dark circles underneath them from lack of sleeping or normal being. He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his head justifying he was still alive. Did he want to be alive; that was the question. His vision was blury, all he could see was the floor. His eyes began to close, his body still paralyzed on the cold floor. His eyes shut completely and as he was drawn into sleep, a white light was in the distance, coming closer each time. He was now sitting upright while his hands shielded him from the bright light. Everything around changed. The scenery was black and white. A black tree was in front of him and a red apple hung perfectly from the leaves above the bark. The white light was now in front of him and he stared in awe. It was glowing and he could feel something around him.
His hands instantly searched for something. His arms were outstretched towards it. He could feel it on his fingertips and his tongue began to dance behind his lips. A smile was put on his face as the strange light wrapped itself around him. Specks of gold glittered around him and he was lost in the beauty of it. He could feel what felt like a fire burning through him. It was something he was not used to seeing but it felt amazing.
"Gerard." someone said in the distance. It wasn't a distinct voice and his eyes searched around him to find the source. He couldn't see anything, he could only feel.
"Gerard they need you. Your time is not ready yet. You have to get through this for you." The voice spoke into thin air. His hands felt around the air somemore
"How?" was all he could manage to say. He was still struck by the binding light that he couldn't focus on anything else.
"You. You must look deep down in your soul and break through. They need you." he repeated. Gerard finally understood what he meant. Mikey. The band. The MCRmy. They needed him and he would try his hardest to not give up just yet. Sensing this, Gerard felt so happy than he ever did in his entire life. he felt untouchable. He got up and let his hands float above him. He never felt more loved. Something that was unknown to him. He embraced the warmth of love as it reached out to him with welcoming arms.
And on cue the voice whispered. "I love you. We all do. Gerard felt like he was flying. To his own secret place that he shared with the light. His body began to sway to the sweet music he imagined in his mind. Gerard closed his eyes for a second and when he re-opened them, he saw to angels dressed in white. Their golden hair shined with brilliance."We are alone with you." They said in a singsong voice. And Gerard giggled.
And for the first time tears ran down his ivory face. His hands continued to sway around the white light. And it was revealed. Gerard could see a silouhette. He was beautiful. He came closer and Gerard whispered "I see you." and he felt a soft force on his cheek.
"I'm alive. I want to be alive. I'm alive." he laughed. "I can feel you all around me." he said softly. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. They came to him and rescued him like he needed. There was hope for him.
The air he was breathing became thicker. Making it even better for him. He was breathing normal now and he loved it. After what seemed like awhile, the angels waved and dissapeared. Gerard whimpered as they left. Where were they going? The white light drew back and Gerard's eyes became wide as it was becoming farther away. Gerard could feel himself waking up, and he didn't want to go. He tried keep himself there but it was useless the white light finally spoke one last time.
"Go Gerard. Live your life like you were meant to. It'll be fine. Break through. I'll be watching you. Go." The white light flashed and in one second it was gone. Gerard was alone in the black white scene and soon Gerard opened his eyes to find himself once again on the cold tiled floor. But this time he wasn't lost, he could see clearly and little amount of light from outside. He still heard voices and he could now tell one voice was Mikey and one voice was Frank.
"You think we should check on him?" Frank whispered just incase he was still sleeping.
"No, let's just let him rest, we'll talk to him later when he's sober." Mikey replied softly. He could tell Mikey was trying his best not show how worried he was.
"You think he'll be alright?" Frank said blankly.
"I don't know Frankie, I don't know." Mikey sighed.
Gerard was still on the floor where he was able to muster his strength and sit up. He brushed his hair out of his eyes and blinked a couple times. He looked around and saw all the bunks. Bob's zebra blanket hung out of his bunk. Mikey's Anthrax shirts were piled on his bed. Gerard looked down to find himself in his black suit and red tie. He got up and walked to the bathroom mirror where he studied himself and smiled. His hazel eyes returned to it's beautiful color and somehow the dark circles has dissapeared. He was gonna change. He was gonna move on and live his life just like he was told. He was gonna be strong for him and his family and the MCRmy. He nodded his head and walked out to find the guys surprised to see him awake. They watched him with cautious eyes unsure if he was stable or not.
Mikey spoke first. "Hey Gee, you alright man?" he said softly. Gerard nodded and walked over to Mikey where he wasn't sure wether to be worried or not. He grabbed Mikey and hugged him and that shocked Mikey but he hugged back and smiled.
"I'm gonna get help Mikes, I love you." He said giving a hug to Frank, Ray, and Bob who stood there speechless.
"I love you. I love you all." Gerard smiled and walked out the bus door where the guys overlooked what just happened. They looked at eachother with pure astonishment. The miracle they were all hoping for had come true. They could only hope Gerard would get better and they would move on from this and not look back. It would be okay.
Gerard opened the door and breathed in the fresh Jersey air as he stepped off and looked around his surroundings. The trees were swaying softly. Cars sped down the highway. He looked up into the cloudy sky and one for one brief moment the clouds in the middle moved and let the rays of the sun peek through where it shined on him. He looked around as it was shining just for him.
"Thank you. You said you never leave me,I believe you." he whispered into the sky as the clouds moved back over the sun. Things would be okay. He put his hands in the air and let them sway with the breeze. This was the day that he was saved. The answer he was looking for had finally come to him. He smiled as he stared at the gray clouds.
Savoring the day his heart was healed.