Gerard's finally letting go of his past. One Shot
As he made his way to his bed, all the emotions and memories of them came crashing though his body and the pain of what had happened returned so strongly, it felt as if it had just happened yesterday. With a deep breath, he gently eased the lid off the box and sat it beside him as he looked at the contents that practically filled the container to it's top. There were pictures, letters, and in the bottom right corner sat a tiny, black, velvet box, the box that held what was supposed to have been his future.
Picking up the pictures, he began to scan through them, most of them snapshots of them at different shows or parties, even several from their trip to Hawaii, the place they went to celebrate their engagement together. The photo that really stole his attention, the one he couldn't tear his gaze away from, was a picture of them together at Reprise's celebration for My Chemical Romance going platinum in album sales.
That was one of the greatest nights of his life, and as he looked at the photo, all of the memories of that evening came flooding back. He remembered how nervous she was, she'd never dressed up like she was expected to for that white tie affair, and as she stood in front of him in the red dress with the plunging neckline that flowed freely down her tiny body to just below her knees and matching heels, he was stunned by her beauty. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and that was what he'd told her, although he was sure she never really believed him.
Smiling at the picture, he recalled how person after person at the party told them how wonderful they looked together since his ensemble of black slacks, a red oxford shirt, black and red striped tie, and black vest, matched her perfectly. And he know they looked perfect together also, because they were perfect together. He also recalled how he spent most of that night on pins and needles, more nervous than he'd ever been in his life, as in his pocket, he held what he hoped would be the beginning of their lives together forever, symbolized for the world to see.
Setting the picture down, he reached into the bottom of the box and pulled out the small, velvet container, his thumb brushing across the smooth fabric as he remembered when he finally got the chance to be alone with her and show her it's contents. They had left the party after what seemed like days in his nervous mind, and gone back to the hotel room, instantly kissing each other passionately the moment the door had shut. Things had gotten so heated so quickly, he'd almost forgotten all about what he'd held in his pocket. But, he finally came to his senses, broke from the kiss and dropped to one knee as he pulled the box from his pocket, opening it for her to see.
He released a small chuckle as he recalled her hands fly to her mouth and the tears fill her eyes before he'd even gotten a word from his mouth. And that ended up being a good thing because the speech he'd been working on for weeks, totally escaped his mind and all he could get out as he watched her reaction was, "I love you more than I ever thought I could ever love another human being. Will you marry me?"
Flipping the box open, he reached in and took the 2.5 carat princess cut diamond. As he lifted it between his fingers, he closed his eyes once again, his mind going back to her response as she cried, then accepted with a smile and a nod as he slid the ring onto her finger, just before she dropped to her knees in front of him, their mouths crashing into a needy kiss that ultimately led to them making the most incredible love of their entire relationship.
Shaking his head, he placed the ring back, snapped the tiny box shut, and dropped it back into the cardboard box. That was his greatest day, and it would be their last really great day together as a couple because after that, things began to slowly fall apart. The next several months after the proposal, he spent much more time away from her, busily working on the band's new album between a seemingly endless touring schedule.
But he had no idea that things between them weren't going well, she never once let on that anything was wrong. Sure, she'd had bad days where he knew she was upset, but wrote them off as her just missing him, because he'd had the same days. So, he never had any clue as to what
she was really going through and he wouldn't until the day he came home from his final show before the new album came out and she'd met him at the door.
He saw her as soon as he opened the door and pulled her into a tight embrace. "God! It's so good to be home and to have you in my arms again," he cheered softly. As he held her tight, he opened his eyes and noticed the suitcases that were packed and stacked on the floor, just a few feet behind them. Releasing his grip on her, he pulled back and eyed her curiously. "Are you going somewhere? After I just got home?" he questioned.
She nodded as tears fell from her eyes. "I'm going back to live with my parents."
"What?" He asked, shocked. "Why? How are we supposed to see each other and plan out wedding with you living 3 hours away?"
She shook her head. "We're not. It's over, Gerard. I can't do this anymore."
His eyes widened and he took an unsteady step backwards. "What? What are you talking about? We're supposed to be getting married in 2 months. Why do you wanna leave now?"
She took a deep breath then replied, "I just can't do this anymore. You're always on the road, touring or recording or something. You're rarely home, and when you are, you're too busy with your comic book or hanging out with the guys in the band to have time for me, and I can't take it anymore. I feel like some rag doll that you take out when you want to play, then you toss me back into a corner as soon as you're done."
He moved towards her again and reached his right hand to her cheek. As he stroked her soft skin, dampened from her tears with his thumb, he spoke softly. "That's not true baby. I love you, I don't just use you then toss you away. How can you even think that?"
She looked down at the floor and sniffled before replying, "because that's exactly how I feel. And I can't go on like that anymore. It's not fair to either of us."
His eyes began to well with tears and he forced them back as he took her hands in his and pleaded with her. "I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry. I had no idea you felt this way. But, please, don't go. I'll change. I'll spend more time with you, I'll bring you out on the road with me, I'll do whatever it takes as long as you stay and give me another chance. I'll do anything I have to, to prove to you that I love you and need you."
She pulled her hands away from his and stepped back as she shook her head. "No. I can't take you away from your career. The only way I'd ever be truly happy with you, would be if you quit the band and I'd never ask you to do that. That band is your life's dream and it took you so long to get where you are and I know there's so much more you want and will do. I can't try to take that away from you. I love you, Gerard, I really do, but I can't be with you anymore. I'm just not cut out for the life stlye you live and I'd never ask you to change any of that for me."
His tears began to spill from his eyes as he shook his head and stepped to her again. "But, I need you. I don't know how I'd survive without you in my life. You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and I know if we try, we can work this out together. There's got to be some way we can meet in the middle and have both of us be happy."
She pulled away as he reached for her face again and shook her head. "There's no middle, Gerard. Nothing you can say or do will ever change my mind. It's over and there's nothing that will fix us."
His head dropped and he let his tears fall freely for a few moments as they stood in silence. Finally, he began to speak, his voice weak and
cracking. "So this is it? You're just gonna walk out that door and never look back because you can't handle me being in a band? Why did you never
say anything before about this? Why now? Is there....are you seeing someone else? There's got to be a better explanation that what you're giving me. I know there is."
Her tears fell harder as she once again shook her head, this time more adamantly. "There is no one else, Gerard. And this isn't something new. I've been fighting these feelings for a long time now, but I've never said anything because I was trying to ignore them. And there was a time where I thought it may work. But then, while you were gone this last time, I realized that I can't just ignore it and I can't fight it. Everywhere I go, I see these beautiful, happy couples, walking along the street, holding hands or sitting across from one another at a restaurant, just gazing into each other's eyes, and it made me realize that that's what I want and need in my life. And more than just a day or two every couple of months. I want it
every single day and I know I'll never have that with you." She paused as she sniffled and released a soft sigh, then went on. "There will always be a special place for you in my heart, Gerard, but it's over for us." She pulled the ring from her finger and placed it in his open palm as she whispered, "I'm sorry," then grabbed her bags and walked out the door, leaving him alone and broken hearted.
The day she walked out the door was the last day he ever heard from or her saw her again. He'd called her cell phone multiple times over the next few weeks, to no avail; she never answered or responded to any of his messages. He refused to give up, though, and continued to call, begging her to come back to him, offering her everything he thought she could ever want or need, until the day he called and the number was no longer in service. It was at that point, he finally realized that she was gone and never coming back.
His heart ached for her every single day as he fell into a deep depression, at one point, not even wanting to continue with the band anymore. But, as time heals all wounds, he slowly began to get better, throwing himself into his work, the comic book and the band, his heart slowly healing each and every day.
After about 3 months, he'd finally come to terms with the fact that she was never coming back and packed up everything that reminded him of her and their relationship, stuffing it into the shoe box at the back of his closet, wanting it out of site, but unable to just throw it away. And the box stayed there for almost a year. Then about 2 months ago, he met someone, a wonderful woman who was in a band that was touring with My Chemical Romance. At first, he tried to ignore the flutter in his once thought to be shredded heart, but the more time he spent with this woman, the more the pieces of his broken heart began to heal themselves.
When he finally opened up and let her into his life, he quickly realized that this was the woman of his dreams and they were meant to be together. She was his match in every single way and being in a band herself, she understood the lifestyle he lived. The week before, as he held his new love in his arms, letting his pulse and breathing return to normal after an incredible lovemaking session, he realized that he was undeniably and irrevocably in love with this woman, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. When he confessed his feelings to her, she instantly responded with the same sentiment and he knew just by the glisten in her eyes, that she'd meant it and she always would. That day, he knew that it was time to finally let go of his past and start looking towards the future, his future with the woman he now knew was his soul mate.
He picked up the box after replacing the lid then carried it down the stairs, and out the back door. In the back yard, he had a fire pit that he'd had installed several months earlier and before he'd gone upstairs to get the box of painful memories, he'd lit a small fire. Taking a seat on one of the rocks that surrounded the flames, he opened the box back up and reached inside. Pulling out the picture of them from the night he'd proposed to her, he gave it one last glimpse before dropping it into the flames, watching as the photograph instantly discolored, then withered, before catching fire and burning away to ash.
One by one, he took the pictures from the box, giving each one final glance, before tossing them into the fire and watching them burn as he burned the memories from his mind. After the photographs, he threw the rest of the contents into the flames, one by one, from movie ticket stubs, to the songs that he'd written about her in his grief, to the love letters that she'd written him while he was away on tour. The final object in the box was the engagement ring, nestled snugly in it's beautiful soft, black box. Picking it up, he opened the box and pulled the ring out, clenching it in his hand as he threw the tiny black case into the fire.
After watching it melt and burn,he tossed in the empty shoe box, allowing it to burn away completely, it's ashes raising into the air and flying away before standing, placing the ring in his pocket, then going to the side of the house for the garden hose. He turned the nozzle on, filling the hose with water, then aimed the trigger as the bottom of the flames before he pulled back on it, letting the water spray full force, dousing the flames quickly.
As they dissipated and turned to a smokey, smoldering, pile of ash, a soft smile crept across his face. It was a hard year,one of the most difficult he'd ever face in his life for sure, but it was finally time to let her memories fly. And that was exactly what he did, letting the ashes of what was left of their relationship, fly off into the warm, summer breeze.
The only thing left was the ring that sat deep in his pants pocket and he knew exactly what to do with it as well. Jumping into his car, Gerard drove to Jersey City, where he found a pawn shop, and pulled into the parking lot. The owner only offered him just under half of what the ring was valued at, but it didn't matter, he was ready to let it go, no matter what.
With the money in hand from ridding himself of the last memory of their lives together, Gerard had one more stop to make. The jewelry store. Today would be the day he officially moved on with his life and as he paid for the new platinum, 3 carat round cut diamond ring, his smile grew and his heart fluttered. He knew that ring would, without a single doubt or reservation, be on the hand of the love of his life later that night.