i felt like this might have been how gerard felt when he was drinking. so yeah. i had to write something that was depressing so here it is.
the music i don't even want playing, but the only thing that's keeping that last bit of sanity within me. my voice queitly whispering the words of the song to myself. in comfort? or just to take my mind off of something other than the darkness surrounding me.
my owns sobs of.. terror? love? abandonment? loss.
the drum of rain on the roof, coming thru the open window.
i can only feel three things.
the tears spilling over my eyes, down my face.
the ache of my heart inside my chest. it's beat longing to be at that of the rains but it knows it can't so why is it evening bothering to keep beating?
the cool breeze that comes with the rain thru the open window. why is it doing that? the dark has already frozen me, is the wind trying to help? or is it lonely and wants to help because it wants to be friends with the dark that surrounds, suffocates, and torments me.
then it will be my friend too. because i love you dark, why won't you love me back?
i can only see three things.
the night that envolpes me in what should have been a warm hug but is now the death grip on my life, on my body, holding my neck tightly. letting the air come in little gasps of breath, playing with me, like a favorite toy.
i can taste...
the pills i swallowed to make it stop. the dust they leave in my hand seems to glow. the only light in my life. proof that i'm not meant to be here. if i was my dearest friend wouldn't try to kill me, torture me, toss me around like a rag doll. the pills care, they are helping me to end it.
the alcohol rising in my neck. a friend betraying me. you were supposed to help the pills, but now all your doing is bringing it back up. did you make a deal with the dark? you could have my tears after the dark squeezed the life out of my eyes to mix with your deathly concoction. after watching the amazing show of me spiraling downwards thanks to my best friends. i hope it gets good reviews.
dear god, when will it stop? please, please, make it stop. if you love me you will take it so i don't have to suffer any longer.
the pale light that is coming at my eyes.
no, it can't be.
is it really going to end?
i can feel myself smile because it has to be.
it has to be the end.
but then i realize.
it can't be.
it's the pale morning light.
coming thru my window.
you have to do it again tonight.
what do you think?? i feel like that helped alot. rate and review please?