Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses
The Memory That Won't Leave
2 ReviewsSlash's POV, carrying on from my last story.
12:43am
I saw the piece of shit on TV today. Something on VH1, I can't remember what it was called. It's funny how something little like that can remind you of
everything. I don't even think about him anymore. Why should I? He doesn't mean shit to me anymore. When I think of him all it does is remind me of all of the crap he caused me.
He used to mean something to me though. He used to mean a lot to me. But that was a long time ago. When I heard what he said about me, basically trying to destroy my legacy with the band
I just said to myself "No more." No more bullshit, no more trying to reach out to him, no more trying to even support him.
He hurt me too much and now there's no turning back.
1:03am
Sadly, when I think about him for more that a minute, he manages to stay in my mind for a long time. It's his whole presence. He manages to burrow into my mind and just stay there.
So I've started thinking about all of the time we spent together. It makes me sick.
It makes me sick to think that I trusted him. And he betrayed me, more than once. I could take a lot of what he did as fun or whatever. But sometimes he just went too far over the line. So
far over the line that it made me hate him. That wasn't a healthy thing at all, especially since I saw him or spoke to him everyday. But even though I hated his guts, I couldn't stop
myself from wanting to hear his voice, to see him smile. It warmed my heart when I saw that he
was happy.
Sometimes we would talk, just the two of us. He told me about his life, and I couldn't help but be empathetic. The way he spoke was so emotional. Sometimes I wanted to just put my arms around
him. Sometimes I did. It was the best feeling ever. Having him so close to me, hearing him breathe. It was calming and soothing just to hear that.
It made me feel better about everything.
1:23am
Now that I think about it, he was the only singer that I actually had an emotional connection with. One of the very few people in fact. That is pretty scary, considering how many people
I've met. I guess we just clicked naturally. I wish I had that with my last singer. Then maybe he wouldn't of left the band so early on. But I couldn't care less about that whole thing,
we never really bonded anyway. But with Axl it was just so natural.
In a way, I feel kind of empty without him. We did argue a bit, but we were the complete opposites of one another so that was to be expected. But no matter how much we argued, we
always had each others backs. We had a special bond that wouldn't falter under any amount of pressure. Until the day we stopped talking to each other that is. But I still love him,
in a fucked up kind of way.
I would love to hear his voice just once more. To look into his eyes, gaze at him just one more time. To tell him how I really feel would be another thing all together. I know it's not good
to hide how you truely feel about someone, but I have no other choice. He hates me now, it would be totally fucked up for me to say anything.
1:33am
And this is what happens when I reminise for too long. I want too see him so badly, I want to tell him how I truely feel. I should have told him fifteen years ago. But we were
working together, it would have made things even more weird.
I remember once, he was feeling like total shit, and I comforted him. I hugged him for hours. He actually fell asleep on me, and I eventually went to sleep as well. He was still
there when I woke up, and I could tell that he felt better. It made me feel great, knowing that I had something to do with his happiness. I loved seeing him happy. When I saw
him sad or angry or whatever it just made me want to cheer him up. I swear that when he was crying, I could feel the pain that he was feeling. I just had that kind of
bond with him. It was incredible...but it was back then. This is now. And it hurts to know that I probably won't ever see him again.
I always wonder if he thinks about me. If he misses me, even just a little bit. All of the stuff I've heard about him recently has been very negative. It makes me want to yell
at the reporter or whoever "You don't fucking know him!" People act like they know him, so they talk about him. Everything they say is utter horseshit. It pisses me off, especially
when they try and make it look like I was the one who said it. Like I said all this shit about him. He doesn't know that I love him. He thinks I hate him. I would like
to just tell him the truth, I think it would make both of us feel so much better.
The pain of not knowing hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. I have no idea if he felt anything between us. What if he did? What if I made a huge mistake by not saying
something....anything....it's fucking impossible to live like this. I just need to stop thinking about him. I need to let him fade away into my memories, just like everything else
in the past. Because that's what our relationship is, in the past.
But I have to forget. I need to forget to move foward. Otherwise I will just be stuck in the past. I have a new singer to find. And maybe I'll have a strong bond with him, who knows.
But all I know is that I'll never find someone like Axl. He was the most unique and interesting person I've ever met. Just listening to him speak was exciting. He could never be replaced,
either musically, or for me, emotionally.
Never....
I saw the piece of shit on TV today. Something on VH1, I can't remember what it was called. It's funny how something little like that can remind you of
everything. I don't even think about him anymore. Why should I? He doesn't mean shit to me anymore. When I think of him all it does is remind me of all of the crap he caused me.
He used to mean something to me though. He used to mean a lot to me. But that was a long time ago. When I heard what he said about me, basically trying to destroy my legacy with the band
I just said to myself "No more." No more bullshit, no more trying to reach out to him, no more trying to even support him.
He hurt me too much and now there's no turning back.
1:03am
Sadly, when I think about him for more that a minute, he manages to stay in my mind for a long time. It's his whole presence. He manages to burrow into my mind and just stay there.
So I've started thinking about all of the time we spent together. It makes me sick.
It makes me sick to think that I trusted him. And he betrayed me, more than once. I could take a lot of what he did as fun or whatever. But sometimes he just went too far over the line. So
far over the line that it made me hate him. That wasn't a healthy thing at all, especially since I saw him or spoke to him everyday. But even though I hated his guts, I couldn't stop
myself from wanting to hear his voice, to see him smile. It warmed my heart when I saw that he
was happy.
Sometimes we would talk, just the two of us. He told me about his life, and I couldn't help but be empathetic. The way he spoke was so emotional. Sometimes I wanted to just put my arms around
him. Sometimes I did. It was the best feeling ever. Having him so close to me, hearing him breathe. It was calming and soothing just to hear that.
It made me feel better about everything.
1:23am
Now that I think about it, he was the only singer that I actually had an emotional connection with. One of the very few people in fact. That is pretty scary, considering how many people
I've met. I guess we just clicked naturally. I wish I had that with my last singer. Then maybe he wouldn't of left the band so early on. But I couldn't care less about that whole thing,
we never really bonded anyway. But with Axl it was just so natural.
In a way, I feel kind of empty without him. We did argue a bit, but we were the complete opposites of one another so that was to be expected. But no matter how much we argued, we
always had each others backs. We had a special bond that wouldn't falter under any amount of pressure. Until the day we stopped talking to each other that is. But I still love him,
in a fucked up kind of way.
I would love to hear his voice just once more. To look into his eyes, gaze at him just one more time. To tell him how I really feel would be another thing all together. I know it's not good
to hide how you truely feel about someone, but I have no other choice. He hates me now, it would be totally fucked up for me to say anything.
1:33am
And this is what happens when I reminise for too long. I want too see him so badly, I want to tell him how I truely feel. I should have told him fifteen years ago. But we were
working together, it would have made things even more weird.
I remember once, he was feeling like total shit, and I comforted him. I hugged him for hours. He actually fell asleep on me, and I eventually went to sleep as well. He was still
there when I woke up, and I could tell that he felt better. It made me feel great, knowing that I had something to do with his happiness. I loved seeing him happy. When I saw
him sad or angry or whatever it just made me want to cheer him up. I swear that when he was crying, I could feel the pain that he was feeling. I just had that kind of
bond with him. It was incredible...but it was back then. This is now. And it hurts to know that I probably won't ever see him again.
I always wonder if he thinks about me. If he misses me, even just a little bit. All of the stuff I've heard about him recently has been very negative. It makes me want to yell
at the reporter or whoever "You don't fucking know him!" People act like they know him, so they talk about him. Everything they say is utter horseshit. It pisses me off, especially
when they try and make it look like I was the one who said it. Like I said all this shit about him. He doesn't know that I love him. He thinks I hate him. I would like
to just tell him the truth, I think it would make both of us feel so much better.
The pain of not knowing hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. I have no idea if he felt anything between us. What if he did? What if I made a huge mistake by not saying
something....anything....it's fucking impossible to live like this. I just need to stop thinking about him. I need to let him fade away into my memories, just like everything else
in the past. Because that's what our relationship is, in the past.
But I have to forget. I need to forget to move foward. Otherwise I will just be stuck in the past. I have a new singer to find. And maybe I'll have a strong bond with him, who knows.
But all I know is that I'll never find someone like Axl. He was the most unique and interesting person I've ever met. Just listening to him speak was exciting. He could never be replaced,
either musically, or for me, emotionally.
Never....
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