A little piece of me died right there. That's when I realized he wasn't the guy for me. For some odd reason I started to think if Mikey, how nice and subtle he is, how he turns the slightest pink when he's embarrassed, how he listens and tells you how things really are, how he, how he...OH SHIT im falling for him.
"Jacks you okay" Gerard asked me waving his hand in my face
"uhh yeah...I was just lost in my thoughts"
"soo...um are you coming or not?"
"Yeah I'll come over" I said jumping up
"is that Mikey's sweat shirt? Hmm?"
"Uhhh...yeah...why?" I stammered
"well I don't think he's ever let anyone touch it before, he treats it like a baby"
"Really?" I asked a little weirder out and at the same time, flattered (weird word ha ha sorry)
"no, im just joking. But he does love that thing" he said pointing to it
"you ready to go?"
"was I eve not ready? Yeah lets go"
We walked home in silence. I really had nothing to say, and I assume neither did Gerard. It was the first time I've ever felt awkward being around him. Mainly because I just told him I loved him, and now im not so sure I really do. Does that make me a bad person. I wanted to cry. I just couldn't wait to talk things out with Mikey, wait can I? oh God, my head is spinning, I think im going to puke. Gerard started to get a little closer to me every step we took. A couple hours ago I would have done the same thing too, isn't it amazing how fast things can change. My thoughts were interrupted by Gerard
"so...you uh...lll..ove.. Me?"
"uhh...umm...err" was all I could say, I wasn't prepared for this, DAMNIT GERARD.
"oh" his voice was filled with pain
"I'm sorry, I don't know how to answer that. Do you want me to love you?" though I doubted it only two seconds ago I don't doubt it any more, I do love him, Mother fucker I need to stop flip flopping, I'm going to hurt some one if I keep it up.
"I don't know"
"well, if you like it or not, I do. And you can call me when you love me to" I said and sped up to get in front of him so I could cry. I know he didn't want me to but I heard him whisper slightly "I do love you". I nearly turned and kissed him right there, but that would be wrong, all considering.
When we got to his house I ran directly upstairs to Mikey's room I needed some one to talk to. I knocked impatiently on the door, pacing slightly. He opened the door in nothing but his boxers. I covered my eyes and turned my head slightly, I couldn't help but laugh.
"CRAP" he whined slamming the door. I couldn't wait, so I just barged in as he was throwing on a pair of plaid pajama pants.
"Jackie what the hell?"
"im sorry but I really needed to talk to you"
"and it couldn't wait for me to put on some pants?"
"maybe, but I didn't want to"
"Jackie..." he moaned "what is it?"
"well I told him. I told him I love him and all he said was 'my mom has the guest room set up if you want to come back' or some thing like that. I know you told me not to but I couldn't help it. And for a moment I had feelings for..." I couldn't finish
"for who?" he asked throwing on a T-shirt, which made his glasses fall down off his nose, I couldn't help but laugh. "come on Jackie, tell me"
"fine, promise you wont laugh" he said nothing just gave me the "scouts honor" sign with his three fingers "for...you"
"well thanks, you know I pour my feelings out and all I get back is an 'oh fuck'."
"Jackie you don't understand"
"then tell me so I can understand"
"I think it's my fault he wont say anything"
"what the fuck are you talking about?" I asked getting somewhat angry
"Okay, you really need to pay attention, because it's kind of confusing." I just nodded "here we go. Okay, he likes you, he has forever, and so...have...I. I didn't want to tell anyone though because I didn't want...I don't know...anyways, when I found out he was going out with Sophie I told him. that's when he told me, he was just going out with her to make you jealous and that he was more in love with you than he ever has been. Then we had that whole big bro little bro talk about our 'feelings'." he paused to make air quotes around feelings "and all that shit. So I think that might be why he didn't say anything."
"wow. Okay let me catch up here. So you like me and so does he." he nodded "and the only reason he's going out with her is to make me jealous, oh boy"
"I know it's fucked up isn't it?"
"but I really think you should go tell him how you feel and that you talked to me and it's okay"
"are you sure?"
"yeah he likes you more than I do anyway" Mikey lied
"Oh my gosh thank you soo much for talking to me" I said getting up and kissed him on the cheek. I ran down to Gerard's room and knocked on the door, and just walked in not waiting for him to get up. He was sitting on his bed, reading a comic book, the same one he's been reading for the past month.
"hey" I said jumping on his bed
"hi" he answered back closing the book and sitting up "what's up?"
"I just talked to Mikey"
"and?" he asked hesitantly
"well he told me something interesting"
"what would that be"
"that you do like me, and he thinks the reason you wont say anything is so he wont get hurt"
"what... I never..." he stammered on
"Gerard" I said grabbing his arm "it's okay, and he told me that you were just going out with her to make me jealous."
"and what now?"
"I don't know, you decide, you're the guy"
"so we both like each other?"
"do you want to go out on a date?" he asked, it sounded like he's never asked a girl out before in his life...wait a minute.
"yeah, but where?"
"well, we could go...to the park for a picnic tomorrow night"
"I don't know, im kind of sick of the park" I laughed a little nervously
"then maybe we could go bowling?"
"I guess...I mean I suck but we'll have fun"
"yeah, wait so does that mean we're together?"
"if you want to be"
"well do you want to be?"
"this is silly, we both know we want to be, so I guess we are" I said getting up walking towards the door "well I'll see you tomorrow then. Im going to go to bed now though, so sweet dreams" I whispered as I shut the door quietly behind me and made my way to the guest room. Happy as I was, I had a feeling something bad was going to happen
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