It's the never ending battle of Seto vs Laria, spoons vs forks and their common enemies.
It's the never ending battle of Seto vs Laria, spoons vs forks and their common enemies.
Battle of the Eating Utensils
Battle 01: Forks vs. Spoons
The clash of metal against metal was similar to a medieval sword battle. Mokuba sat on the couch with a large bucket of popcorn to his right. To his left there was a dish full of cat treats and beside it was a white cat with blue eyes, eating them while enjoying the show just like Mokuba was. Sometimes the battle would get so exiting Mokuba would get confused and eat a cat treat instead of popcorn. He didn't appear to notice, but the cat was getting annoyed. Sure she liked Mokuba and all, but those were her snacks.
"Give up Lar!" Seto held his spoon against Laria's fork, pushing the eating utensil towards his sister.
"Never!" Laria would not give up. The spoon had somehow gotten stuck between the fork and they couldn't get them loose.
"Chibi baka!" Seto pulled the spoon, getting it loose from the fork.
The fork appeared to be slightly bent and the spoon had a small scratch. "My fork!"
"My spoon! No matter I have more." Seto went for the attack again.
Laria quickly blocked.
Mokuba watched and ate another cat treat by mistake. Blue Eyes White Cat was at the end of her patience. Why couldn't her master's little brother eat his own food?
The sound of metal against metal was continuously heard in an epic battle. Laria moved backwards.
Seto approached, attacking none stop. "Give up Lar you're trapped!"
"Never!" Laria ducked under the table that was behind her and Seto followed. The battle continued under the table.
After bumping his head for the fifth time, Seto had to retreat out of the table. "Cheater!"
"All is fair in love and war!" Laria continued the attack.
"So what do you think it is, Blue Eyes White Cat?" Mokuba asked. "Is it sibling love or an all out spoons vs forks war?"
"Meow, meow, meow!" Blue Eyes White Cat's reply translated to 'I don't know, but leave my food alone!'
"Yeah that's what I thought," Mokuba petted the cat. He had his own way of interpreting what she said.
Mokuba turned his attention back to the fork and spoon duel in time to see Laria's bent fork knock Seto's spoon out of his hand. "No!"
"I got you now!" Laria called victoriously a little too soon.
"It's not over yet." Seto pulled a spoon out of his coat. But it was not just any spoon. It was as big as a sword made of white gold with sapphires shaped like a Blue Eyes White Dragon. How he hid that spoon in his coat is a bigger mystery than why it defies gravity.
"That's not fair! Why don't I have a duel monster golden sword fork?" Laria complained.
"Because Mikari wrote this fanfic and she likes me." Seto stuck his tongue out. He had the advantage or that's what he thought.
"Ew!" Laria nearly dropped her fork. She countered by showing Seto her own tongue.
Mokuba took a handful of cat treats and ate them. "This is getting weird, don't you think?" He asked the cat sitting beside him.
Blue Eyes White Cat did not answer. Instead she took his bucket of popcorn in her mouth and ran away with it.
"Blue Eyes White Cat, come back!" Mokuba chased after her.
"You might have your white gold sword spoon of the Blue Eyes White Dragon, but I have the Millennium Earrings!" The golden hoop earrings Laria was wearing, shone in a bright golden light. They had the power to send things to the shadow world.
Feeling his white gold sword spoon of the Blue Eyes White Dragon start to vanish, Seto attacked once more knocking the fork off Laria's hand just as the spoon with the long name disappeared. Now, they were both unarmed. The first spoon and fork that started the battle were both on the floor.
They both rushed to pick up their weapons.
Laria got hers first but when she was about to claim victory Seto disappeared before her eyes. "Seto?" She touched the Millennium Earrings wondering if for whatever random reason they activated by themselves and accidentally sent her brother to the Shadow Realm. "Seto!"
Suddenly the spoon started to float in the air heading towards Laria as a ghostly voice called her name. "Lar... Lar..."
"Ah! Seto I didn't mean to send you to the Shadow Realm!"
"Seto's in the Shadow Realm?" Mokuba returned with an empty bucket of popcorn. Blue Eyes White Cat walked pass him with a satisfied look on her face. She jumped on the couch and got comfortable to take a nap, human food wasn't too bad every now and then.
"It was an accident!" Laria replied.
Mokuba looked like he was about to cry.
"Don't cry Moky, I'm right here." Seto appeared holding the spoon. The little Blue Eyes White Dragon golden statue around his neck was glowing.
"The Millennium Bangle, its power still works!" Laria realized. The gold from that dragon was originally the Millennium Bangle, which Laria malted into a Blue Eyes White Dragon and gave it to Seto as a present.
"Yes and now that I figured out how to use it, I have two millennium items!" Seto's evil Kaiba laugh echoed.
"Two items?" That's when Laria realized he was also wearing the Millennium Belt."
"I thought you didn't want the millennium items!" Laria accused.
"I changed my mind. With the power of the millennium items and my technology, I shall take over the world!" More Kaiba evil laughter followed.
"No!" Laria yelled.
"Hey, weren't you arguing about forks and spoons?" Mokuba was confused with the turn of events.
"Spoons are better, you know that, right Moky?" Seto showed Mokuba an unlimited credit card.
"Don't do it Moky! Don't take it!" Laria yelled.
"Think of the video games and the candy and the duel monster cards!" Seto waved the credit card back and forth.
"How come you never give me one of those credit cards?" Laria complained.
"Because you're a Chibi Baka!" Seto yelled.
"Don't call me that!" Laria yelled back.
"Can't you two get along?" Mokuba asked with the chibi eyes look.
"Does this mean you don't want the card?" Seto asked.
"Of course I want it!" Mokuba took the card. "But I also want you two to be nice to each other." More cute chibiness.
"Aw Moky!" Laria hugged Mokuba.
"Group hug!" Mokuba insisted.
Feeling like he had no choice, Seto joined the hug and whispered to his sister so Mokuba wouldn't hear. "Dueling arena number ten, after school."
"I'll be there," Laria whispered back.
Battle 02: Hybrid
Seto Kaiba looked at the item on the table with a deadly glare. The thing was a combination of two things, two things that did not belong together. Maybe those two things could be seen together in an epic battle against each other, but not like this, not as one.
"This is unnatural," Seto was horrified. It was like trying to fuse a Blue Eyes White Dragon with a Kuriboh.
"This is just wrong," Seto's twin sister Laria agreed. They continued to stare at the strange item, the unnatural hybrid. Their eyes reflected anger at that thing, as if it was a terrible offence to them.
Seto reached for something he kept in his gravity deifying coat. It was a spoon. Laria happened to have a fork. Seto looked at his sister and nodded, she nodded back.
Then at the same time the Kaiba twins screamed their war cry. "Die spork! Die!" They stabbed their weapons into the poor spork until it was crippled.
The others students that were eating there gave them odd looks, but a double Kaiba icy glare forced them to shift their attention back to their food. A spoon and a fork together as one? It was unnatural, a deformed hybrid, it was just wrong.
Battle 03: No Truce
"This is fun, sitting here on top of the Kaiba Corp. building roasting marshmallows. We should do this more often, Laria." Mokuba, the youngest of the Kaiba siblings was currently roasting marshmallows on the roof top of the Kaiba Corp. building with his sister Laria. I do wonder why I'm narrating this if Mokuba just said it, talk about obvious.
Suddenly an abnormally strong wind was felt that nearly blew them away. They looked to the skies of Domino City to find Seto's helicopter flying as fast a jet would. Hey wait, were those fiery jet engines he put in it? And a dragon design? A blue eyes white dragon helicopter complete with new super fast engines? The copter stopped in mid air switching from jet to chopper mode. It went back in reverse and landed on the roof.
"I saw a fire and I was so worried about my Kaiba Corp.!" Seto rushed towards the fire and realized it was a holographic fire and the marshmallows were not truly roasted.
"Want some roasted marshmallows big brother?" Mokuba handed him a stick with a few normal marshmallows.
"They're not roasted," Seto noted.
"Talk about stating the obvious Mr. No Imagination," Laria rolled her eyes.
"Chibi Baka I know I couldn't leave you to take care of Kaiba Corp. Why are you pretending to roast marshmallows with Mokuba instead of working?" A precious day of work had been thrown away by his sister's lack of workaholicness and Seto could not forgive that.
"Don't call me Chibi Baka! You should be thanking me because I made this really cool ad for the new model of Duel Disks and people outside of the Duel Academy are actually buying them now! But I still say Battle City Duel Disks are better!" Laria defended.
"What about the production?" Seto half yelled.
"To full capacity," Laria replied.
"And the inventory?" Seto calmed down a bit, only a little.
"Being bought as soon as it's produced," Laria assured.
"All because of an ad?" Seto was in disbelief. How could that be?
"It's just that the one you had was really boring so I made a better one." Laria produced a sample flier out of nowhere. "This is the basic concept. We could film a TV commercial too."
Seto looked at the paper. "This is..." The world came to a halt, the busy streets of the gaming city fell silent and Laria and Mokuba waited for Seto to finish. The bishounen was in deep concentration, he was trying really hard to push the words out. Almost... almost... "it's pretty good," Seto certainly had a hard time admitting it, but to say it was bad would be a terrible and obvious lie.
"I told you I could take care of Kaiba Corp." Laria proudly declared.
"Does this mean you two are finally done fighting and now you'll rule Kaiba Corp. together as siblings?" Mokuba's violet eyes shone with hope.
"Not just as siblings but as twins!" Laria cheered.
"And not just Kaiba Corp, we'll rule the world!" Seto added.
The Kaiba twins made a pose, which scared Mokuba and he started to back away slowly while laughing nervously.
A split second later, Seto woke up from his dream by the blissful sound of his noisy blue eyes white dragon alarm clock.
The CEO got out of bed and followed his usual morning routine. Could it be that the dream was trying to tell him something? That maybe he should trust his sister to be a true Kaiba deep down and allow her to help him run Kaiba Corp? Could it be that 'Lar' had an amazing talent for publicity that he never knew about? He shook his head. Nah, that couldn't be.
By the time Seto went downstairs for breakfast, the dream had been quickly forgotten. The spoon and the fork could have no truce, at least not right now.
Battle 04: Two Halves
The day had started normally for Mokuba and for the majority of it, everything happened the way it usually did, until school ended. There was something missing from the front gate of the school. It was something big that he could not easily miss, yet he couldn't find it today. "Where's the limo?" Maybe the limousine was simply late or maybe there was a traffic jam, Mokuba didn't know, so he simply waited.
Half an hour later, Mokuba knew that the limousine wasn't coming. Sighing in frustration and worry, he started to walk. Of course he had tried his cell phone numerous times during his wait, but no one answered. Then again, he had been procrastinating to save numbers into it and the only numbers he had saved were those of his brother and sister. He should have saved the driver's number, but he had procrastinated and he didn't remember it. Taking guesses didn't work. Mokuba had somehow managed to call the Ishtars in Egypt, Pegasus and someone who claimed to be the Dark Magician.
As he walked, Mokuba saw a shiny silver thing on the sidewalk. He stopped in front of the small object and looked at it. The thing wasn't a spoon, it wasn't a fork and it wasn't a spork, it was half spoon and half fork. He stared at it wide eyed, jaw slightly dropped.
Cautiously Mokuba looked in every direction then back at the spoon-fork. He picked it up and examined it carefully. It was the strangest thing he ever saw, not a spoon, not a fork and not a spork. He had to tell someone about his finding, so little Mokuba put the strange object in his backpack and rushed home.
Later, Mokuba made it to the Kaiba Mansion out of breath from all the running. At the main entrance he saw his siblings, the Kaiba twins Laria and Seto arguing. Their position was rather inconvenient as they were blocking the way for the limousine one standing at the center of each lane, no wonder Mokuba had to walk. He didn't know why, how or when the argument started, but there was a more important situation at hand.
Mokuba approached his arguing siblings and took the spoon-fork out of his backpack. Holding up the shiny silver item he said, "look what I found!"
Both Kaiba twins turned their heads towards Mokuba and stared at the thing he held. "WTF?!" They exclaimed at the same time.
"I found it when I was walking home from school because someone wouldn't let the limo out." Mokuba saw the scared driver who had dared to interfere in the argument and was left to retreat with a punch and a kick.
"Never mind how you found it, it shouldn't exist!" Seto yelled in alarm.
"It's terrible! Horrible! I can't look at it!" Laria dramatically added.
"We must hunt down all those..." Seto paused, searching for the right word, "those evil things and destroy them!"
"Right, forks and spoons don't belong together, it's just wrong!" Laria agreed.
As his siblings ran off to plan their battle strategy, Mokuba stood there blinking for a few minutes before he finally started to walk towards the mansion. "I guess the only way to make them get along is if they have a common enemy."
Battle 05: Chopsticks
The Kaiba twins, Laria and Seto, stared at their younger brother, Mokuba. The boy with the purple eyes was calmly eating his dinner, oblivious to the fact that he was being stared at by his siblings, or at least he tried to pretend he didn't notice.
Tired of having his siblings argue about everything, including their preferences in eating utensils, Mokuba decided to enter neutral grounds. Using a spork hybrid or a half spoon half fork mutant, was forbidden, those were offensive to both spoons and forks and therefore offensive to both his siblings.
Mokuba had attempted to remain neutral and on both his siblings' good sides, as it meant more birthday and Christmas presents and better hand me down duel monster cards, but his attempt to equally use a spoon and fork at the same time failed miserably. His dear siblings, because truly he loved them dearly insanity aside, always found something wrong with poor little Mokuba's eating methods.
"How come you have the spoon on your left hand and the fork on your right?" Seto had asked sounding more offended than that time someone confused the Blue Eyes White Dragon with a lizard; though he probably would have been more offended had he heard correctly and noticed that the novice aka noob was incorrectly saying that the Blue Eyes White Dragon was a wizard type, because any word that was somewhat related to the Dark Magician could not be used to describe Seto's precious Blue Eyes White Dragon.
"How come you're eating the yummier food with the spoon and not the fork?" Laria had made it sound as if it was the biggest tragedy of the century.
No matter how hard Mokuba tried to be fair between the two eating utensils, he found that it was simply impossible. Why did his siblings have to argue about everything and always pick opposing sides? He didn't know.
Finally, Mokuba had enough and cracked under pressure. Both Seto and Laria had been uncharacteristically quiet since the time Mokuba ran away from the dinner table and locked himself in his room, refusing to touch neither spoon nor fork.
When the next day came and the three siblings were once again together for a meal, Mokuba was scolded for eating with his hands instead of his spoon. As you might have guessed the one that scolded him was Seto.
At first Laria took Mokuba's habit of eating with his hands as nothing unusual. He was a little kid, and little kids loved to eat with their hands and get their faces all messy with ketchup, sauce, chocolate syrup or whatever brightly colored substance was in their food, it was normal. But when the behavior continued although Mokuba had a "perfectly good fork" sitting right in front of him on the table, Laria was starting to get impatient. The boy was either stalling for time to think about his choice or blatantly refusing to choose.
In an effort to end their endless sibling rivalry, at least for the time being, by breaking the eating utensil tie between Seto's spoons and Laria's forks, the Kaiba twins agreed on forbidding Mokuba from eating with his hands. But the twins only said Mokuba had to use eating utensils and did not specify which ones, assuming that Mokuba would have no choice but to pick a spoon or a fork.
The Kaiba twins were proven wrong when he next day Mokuba abided their rules by using eating utensils, but he did not touch a spoon or fork. He was using chopsticks.
That's when Laria and Seto realized the gravity of their problem. With all the pressure they put on Mokuba to take their respective sides, they had pushed the boy into taking a side of his own. But those chopsticks, what were they? Allies of the spoons? Allies of the forks? Neutral? Or perhaps the ultimate enemy of both?
Battle 06: Pool
"What does this have to do with spoons and forks?" Seto asked while contemplating the pool table. It had mysteriously appeared where a dueling arena used to be the day before.
"That's not the point and it's forks and spoons," Laria corrected. She had suggested that they settle the war of the eating utensils in a game of pool so Seto assumed that she had found some kind of obscure connection between them. He had witnessed stranger connections before, such as a game of cards and another realm.
In all of this, while Seto remained loyal to spoons and Laria remained loyal to forks, Mokuba had decided not to take either side. He didn't want to choose between his siblings so instead he chose the chopsticks. "The pool sticks kind of look like really big chopsticks."
Horrified, both Laria and Seto dropped the pool sticks. Mokuba was more cunning and dangerous than they thought.
Battle 07: The Trial
A little over a month ago Seto Kaiba had disappeared from Domino City. He was trapped in an island, the Survivor island. Now he has returned home to his beloved technology with the title of Sole Survivor, however things will take an unexpected turn.
Seto was typing at an inhuman speed in his office at Kaiba Corp. After a few days after his return he no longer looked like lobster, now he was just tan. Mikari was sitting beside him staring, soon the tan would fade away and she wanted to stare at tan Seto as much as possible.
The door was suddenly opened and there stood Pegasus and Marik each with their layer. "We're suing you," they said, and thus Seto was taken to trial.
xoxox xox xoxox
"Order in the court!" The judge as he hit his desk with the Millennium Puzzle. For the judge of this trial was non other than Yugi Moto.
Yami came out of the Puzzle looking dizzy. "Will you please stop hitting my Puzzle on the desk?"
"Sorry Yami, Joey took my hammer," Yugi apologized.
"Why did he take it?" Yami asked.
"I don't know," Yugi had decided it was best not to ask.
xoxox xox xoxox
Meanwhile outside the courtroom. "this is such a friendly game!" Téa squealed happily.
"Throw the stick! Throw the stick!" Joey jumped up and down.
"Fetch!" Téa threw the little wooden hammer and Joey ran after it and gave it back to Téa. She threw it, he returned it, she threw it again, he returned it again, Joey never thought that such a simple activity could be so much fun.
xoxox xox xoxox
Back at courtroom, it was divided in two sections. On the left was Seto, his ten expensive lawyers and Mikari who refused to let go of her beloved bishie-kun. On the right were Marik, Pegasus and their cheap lawyers. In the rows of seats behind Seto's group sat all the Seto fan girls cheering for Seto and on the rows of seats behind Marik and Pegasus sat all the Marik fan girls cheering for Marik. What about the Pegasus fan girls? There was one girl who liked him in the courtroom maybe two, three at most.
"Who will speak first?" Yugi asked.
"I will!" Pegasus was already angry and embarrassed because Seto and Marik made fun of him because he didn't have as many fan girls as they did. "This little boy," Pegasus pointed at Seto who protested.
"I'm not a little boy!" The Sole Survivor argued.
"No he's not!" Mikari started and the fan girls joined in. "He's a cute, sweet, adorable, yummy, tanned bishie!" They all replied in unison.
"Fine, fine!" Pegasus said angrily. "That cute, sweet, adorable, yummy tanned bishie..."
Seto interrupted Pegasus. "Ew, don't call me that!"
The fan girls glared at Pegasus and Mikari informed him that, "we have exclusive right to call Seto cute, sweet, adorable, yummy tanned bishie. If you use that name for him again we'll sue you!"
"Yeah!" The fan girls squealed.
"Okay, I get the message!" Pegasus was even more frustrated. "That," he searched for the right word to call Seto, "that meany head."
Suddenly a group of people that looked like Kaiba Corp. executives ran into the courtroom. "We have exclusive right to call Mr. Kaiba meany head! This right is only granted to his employees and if you call him meany head again we'll sue you!"
Yugi banged the puzzle on the desk again. "Order! Order! Enough about suing people!"
Yami came out of the puzzle again. "You must really enjoy giving me a headache!"
"Sorry Yami, I had to do something or this trial will never end let alone start. Pegasus, why don't you just call him Kaiba?" Yugi extended his hand with the Puzzle toward Yami. But Yami shook his head and decided to wait outside until the trial was over.
Pegasus continued his accusation, "Kaiba stole my island!"
Seto interrupted again. "Objection! I didn't steal his island; it was given to me as a price because I won at Survivor!"
"Take that!" Yugi yelled.
Seto blinked, "what?"
"Never mind, I just really wanted to say that. Okay, time for my verdict," Yugi hit the desk with the Millennium Puzzle once more and Yami glared at his hikari. "What? You're not in it now. Anyway, my verdict is," Seto waved at Yugi with a dollar in his hand. "Kaiba is non-guilty so Pegasus is guilty, take him away! Oh, yeah and Kaiba can keep the island." Duke and Tristan came in dressed in police uniforms and dragged Pegasus out of the courtroom.
The trial was about to continue when Mai came running in. "Mr. Kaiba how do you feel now that the trial is over." She held a microphone so close to his face he almost ate it.
"The trial isn't over," Seto pointed out.
"What will you do with your island?" Mai asked.
"Build a tower on it," Seto predictably replied.
"Is it true you sleep with a Blue Eyes White Dragon Plushie named Bluesy?" Mai continued her interview.
"No comment," Seto replied.
"But you have to answer me! I'm the press! I'm the media! I'm the celebrity stalker! You have to answer! You have to!" Mai yelled.
"Mai we're running out of time, we need to go interview that guy who claims he can talk to fish," Ryou, who was holding the camera, reminded her.
"Fine, I'm leaving. This is Mai Valentine reporting live at 10:00am for the 5:00pm news!" Mai and Ryou left.
"Um... who's turn is it?" Yugi walked over to Seto to get his dollar then went back to the judge's stand.
"My turn, he stole my tan!" Marik pointed at Seto.
"How do you steal a tan?" Seto wondered.
"If I knew, I would have stopped you from stealing it!" Marik glared.
"I didn't steal anything!" Seto yelled.
"I have a witness!" Marik yelled back.
"Very well, call your witness to the stand and if he's not as cheap with bribes as Kaiba, you win," Yugi agreed to hear the witness.
"Hey!" Seto complained.
"I call Mr. Fuzzy to the stand!" Marik placed a cat plushie on the stand. "What's that Mr. Fuzzy? Kaiba stole my tan? Well you heard him!" The entire courtroom was silent except for the occasional cheering of Marik's fan girls.
"I'm not sure what my verdict is. Kaiba gave me a dollar but Marik brought a witness..." Yugi thought for a moment until a girl sitting in the back of the courtroom raised her hand. "Yes, miss?"
The fan girl stood up and spoke. "I think we should compare the tans to see if they really are the same."
"That's a good idea. But how do we do that?" Yugi asked.
The girl giggled. "Just get the bishies to stand next to each other and," she giggled more. "Take off their shirts!" All the other girls in the room clapped and cheered. The girl with the idea took a bow and waved at everyone.
Yugi knew that he better agree to that idea or he would have an army of Seto and Marik angry fan girls after him. "Okay, lets do that. Kaiba and Marik please come to the front and take off your shirts like the lady said. Seto and Marik both glared at Yugi but did as he said knowing they had no choice. Each of the girls in the room got her camera ready and the two tanned shirtless bishies were beginning to think this was a setup arranged by the fan girls.
"Say your verdict already!" Seto and Marik complained.
"It seems that because of the sun on Survivor island Kaiba ended up having a tan like Marik's after he stopped being lobster boy. However Marik's tan became darker therefore the tans are not the same. Kaiba's tan should disappear in a few weeks and Marik's tan will go back to the old color. My verdict is that you're both guilty because you both got more tanned then me!" Yugi felt the deadly glare of the fan girls ready to attack him. "I mean you're both non-guilty!" The girls cheered, the bishies put their shirts back on, and made a run for it, jumped on Seto's helicopter and flew away.
Mikari, as always, followed Seto, jumped in the helicopter and started hugging him again. Marik was taking to Mr. Fuzzy telling him about the nice view from the helicopter. The Seto and Marik fan girls followed the helicopter from the ground. Meanwhile, the Yugi fan girls managed to find him and were chasing him around the courtroom. Pegasus was in jail and so our story ends.
xoxox xox xoxox
"Lar! Why are you watching that old trial video again?" Seto yelled. He paused and watched as his sister tried to eat ice-cream with a fork, then proceeded to point and laugh.
"Don't laugh at me!" Laria attacked with the fork, which Seto countered with a spoon, and the duel of eating utensils continued.
Disclaimer, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Survivor, Phoenix Wright or Laria. Battle 05 was requested by 'I hate the computer'. Maybe this fanfic will make you change your ways and love the computer, cherish the computer, adore the computer. The computer 0wnz j00, you must l0v3 73h c0mpu73r! Battle 07 is based on Laria Kaiba's fanfic Survivor (link in my favorites) so credits go to her.