Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Incendiary Heart
Chapter 6
10 ReviewsWaking to the dream come true...
Chapter 6
Frank’s eyes startled open to find Gerard leaning over him with worried eyes. Frank let the moment settle inside him, leaving where he had been only a second before and allowing it to merge with the here and now. He felt the differences slipping away until all that was left was reality; the hazy fog of a dream unraveled.
Gerard whispered, “You were whimpering. Dreaming.” He looked away although he still leaned. “I was afraid for you.”
He nodded, cupping Gerard’s face and turning it so they could see one another. “I was dreaming about you,” he whispered. “Always dreaming about you,” he said painfully. “I’m not nearly as afraid as I think I am.”
Gerard stared back at him, holding the fear in himself that Frank had finally let go as he took it from him and kept it warm. He was trembling slightly but he finally asked, “What are you then?”
Frank licked his lips, biting down one side and putting the words out there between them. “Curious? Sure? Retreatingly undecided?”
Gerard was hanging on every word and Frank’s hand still cupped his face. Frank’s fingers moved softly over Gerard’s cheek as he watched his eyes close, his face leaning into Frank’s palm. And they were ready to tell the truth, unguarded. Too sick and tired to be anything but honest.
Frank took a deep breath, one that ached his body and racked his nerves. “You scared me last night,” he whispered, Gerard’s eyes opening with wide fear. “My worst fears came true when you pushed me away.”
Gerard whispered, “You were too close.” He shook his head, remembering. “All I could do was push.”
“I thought I felt you pull first,” he said softly.
“I thought you were stringing me along.”
Frank shook his head. “I just wanted to come along.” He closed his eyes as his spinning head rested on the pillow. “In my dream…you didn’t fight me.”
Gerard cupped Frank’s cheek so they were holding each other’s faces. He said softly, “You can’t hold me responsible for what I do in your dreams, Frank.”
Frank opened his eyes, clear to the reality between them. He whispered to him so closely, wantonly, “Then give me something to hold you responsible for now.”
Gerard took a deep breath, swallowing it hard and holding onto the air, unsure of whether or not he could share it. He leaned forward, tentatively closing the distance he could not bare any longer. And then…he stopped…afraid to make the move he had wanted for so long. Gerard looked to Frank to meet him half way. He had been traveling closer so long, he could no longer move alone.
Frank’s hand smoothed over Gerard’s cheek, making him close his eyes as it brushed his inky black hair and his fingers tangled through it. He cupped the back of Gerard’s neck, pulling him down to him, drawing him closer, letting him finally in. He felt Gerard’s lips press to his own, soft like a whisper, strong with desire and still he pulled him in closer. Their lips held together, magnets of will, connected finally fulfilling their destiny. Frank’s heart raced and he needed air but he surrendered his breath to the slight part of Gerard’s lips.
Frank let out the gasp of a whimper, his lips pulling gently away. He stared at the pain in Gerard’s eyes at his rejection and explained himself in a soft whisper. “Am I dreaming?” His lips trembled, Gerard’s taste barely on them. “I need this to be real,” he whispered.
Gerard’s entire body relaxed, his confidence resuming its rightful place. He smiled, his thumb caressing Frank’s cheekbone as he cupped his face. “This is real, Frankie,” he breathed, claiming the last of the space between them and making it theirs. He held his kiss softly against his lips, moving over him as he sucked Frank’s lip between his.
Frank was in Heaven inside Gerard’s kiss. His heart beat out of his chest, leaping to reach Gerard as he pressed over him. The current of electricity Frank had once dreamed of now rushed through him with exhilarated flow, filling him and draining him simultaneously. His fever raged and Frank’s fingers gripped at Gerard’s shoulders, confirming him there against him over and over.
As Gerard’s tongue licked against Frank’s lip, he felt his stomach drop out like the abandoning consumption of the fall on a roller coaster speeding 100 miles per hour down the track, enforcing its own gravity. He parted his lips with a nervous intake of breath and felt Gerard’s tongue slide over his lip. He tasted him then, against his warm, wet tongue and years of wondering came to a sudden halt.
All those times they had made out on stage paled to the comparison of Gerard’s sweet taste. It was like everything Frank had ever had but nothing he had ever known. His tongue sought out every flavor Gerard gave him; coffee with Italian Cream and half a dozen packets of Splenda; his regular brand of cigarettes and the sweet Amaretto Cloves Adam had gotten him hooked on over the first leg of the tour; the cherry-flavored Jolly Ranchers Gerard always kept on hand. They were all there as Gerard’s tongue explored Frank’s mouth. He tasted the sweet ripe peach he had gotten off the back of a truck at the gas station in Louisiana the day before and finally Frank knew not only what that peach tasted like, but what it tasted like with Gerard. And Frank was no longer on the outside of Gerard looking in. He had Gerard inside him and he never wanted to let him go.
Frank began to claw under Gerard’s shirt, lifting it up so he could rake his back, gripping him closer, needing the feel of bare skin against his fingers with nothing in between. Gerard moaned softly into his kiss and Frank lost all feeling in his body except in one place. His entire body went numb at that delicious sound he swore he could taste and all of the feeling rushed to his groin where it pooled and gathered and became solid mass inside him.
“Unh,” Frank whimpered against his lips, placing the moan in against Gerard’s tongue.
Gerard pressed his body down over Frank, harder with need as the friction sparked between them and that little sound drove him over the edge. He kissed him with fevered flourish, tangling inside him with forceful domination as his blood rushed through his body with one destination in mind.
Frank went from numb to completely aware as Gerard’s hand slipped between them, raking over the cursed button that held Frank’s pants on and kept him away. Gerard tore at it, as Frank felt it release and he fumbled with his zipper. Frank felt the excitement adrenalize into panic as sudden expectations became unnervingly real. It was all happening too fast. Frank did not know what to do with a man. It had taken him years to learn the female body and still he knew nothing at all. As Gerard pushed aside the folds of Frank’s jeans he felt trapped instead of held and attacked over being taken.
“Stop,” he breathed as Gerard slid his hand down inside, feeling for him faster with need. “Stop!” Frank gasped, desperate to be heard.
Gerard froze and pulled away from him, his hands up like he was being arrested. “What did I do?” he panted. “I’m sorry. What did I do?”
Frank bit his lip, as the blood that had previously rushed to their matching body parts suddenly flushed to their faces. He stared at Gerard’s worry and wondered if he mirrored him with panic and suddenly Frank was morbidly humiliated. He closed his eyes, shutting them tight and breathed out his apology hard. “I’m sorry. Gerard. Fuck,” he winced. “I’m sorry.”
Gerard pulled farther away, rolling off of him and sitting beside him, staring off into the distance, anywhere that Frank was not. He covered his eyes with his trembling hand, not trusting his lids to block out enough of the moment. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry,” he breathed, his whole body trying not to come undone from the massive fail it never saw coming. “You don’t want this,” he muttered softly. “I knew that,” he said, his hand too heavy with guilt to hide him any longer as it slipped down to his lap.
Frank shot up, demanding his attention, grabbing his chin and forcing his focus. “No,” he shook his head. “No, no, no. Please,” he begged. “It isn’t that.”
He bit his lip and faced him head on, turning his body to meet him again, this time from a distance. “What then? What did I do?”
The broken look in his eyes told Frank he had hurt him far worse than Gerard had ever hurt him. He reached for him again, pulling him back down onto the bed beside him. He held Gerard to his chest, brushing his hair, still needing to touch him in any little way just to make it okay. “I…it was so good,” he breathed. “But I realized…um…”
Gerard nodded with a sigh, “That I’m a man and this isn’t what you want.”
Frank laughed out loud causing Gerard to sit up again, whipping around to face him. Frank shook his head. “No!” he offered, not meaning to laugh and tear him down further but now he could not stop. Gerard gritted his teeth, losing his patience and Frank pulled himself together to speak. “Gerard,” he smiled in disbelief, sitting up to parallel their bodies. “I know you’re a man,” he giggled. “We share a history, a friendship, an intimate life.” He smiled, putting Gerard at ease again. “We’ve shared a stage, a van, a bed, a bunk a shower!” he laughed. “I know you’re a man,” he nodded.
Gerard laughed an embarrassed sound at hearing the simplicity of the obvious.
“What I suddenly realized is that I…I mean…” He grew more and more uncomfortable with what he was about to reveal. “I have no idea…what I’m doing,” he sighed, his laughter gone. “I…fuck,” he muttered, covering his face so he could get the words out with what little dignity he had left. “I don’t know how to make you feel the way you make me feel,” he groaned awkwardly. Frank faced him again and found Gerard smiling with appreciation of his honesty. “You light me on fire,” he grinned, feeling silly. “You’ve been with men. I know you have,” he shook his head, not wanting to think of the rumors…the drug years…the others. “I’ve never done that,” he said softly. Gerard was still smiling though and Frank could not help but join him. He threw up his hands as they both began to laugh. “I don’t know where to put my hands, what might turn you on, how to be with another man.” He bit his lip again, wondering if it was too late to still blame his flushed face on the fever.
Gerard smirked, reaching up with a steady finger to tug Frank’s lip from his teeth. He took Frank’s hands in his, wrapping them around his waist. “You can put your hands here,” he grinned. Gerard cocked his brow, “Or anywhere else you damn well please.” Frank giggled, feeling foolish still. “And you turn me on, Frank. With every little sound you make; each blink of your lashes, every motion of your olive skin, each beat of that heart I’m finally close enough to feel.” He beamed at Frank and felt it radiate back towards him. “And if you don’t know how to be with a man…then we’ll take it slow and you can learn how to just be with me,” he smiled softly.
Frank felt the pressure erase and they were two friends again, in each other’s company, enjoying one another. This…was intimacy at its finest. “I’d like that,” he smiled.
Gerard kissed his lips gently, keeping his need away, and instead just placing the kiss on his lips with soft offering. “I got carried away,” he shrugged with a giggle. “I’ve waited a really long time for you to realize I’m here,” he whispered, avoiding his eyes. “I never thought you felt like this and never believed you would. I gave up on wanting you a long time ago and just tried to satiate my need for you instead. It was enough to be near you, around you, beside you,” he blushed, staring into his eyes again. “I was happy with that,” he nodded, seeing Frank’s sweet smile., “And then…last night…it felt so good to have you come to me. And it really kind of threw me, ya know? Cause it just felt so right and you really looked like you wanted to be there with me. But I’ve thought that before… more times than I can count…and it takes me longer to get over it every time,” he frowned sadly. “After a while, you had been out so long, I just needed to get away from you. Because I wanted you too much,” he shook his head. “More than I could stand to resist.” He tried not to look at the pain in Frank’s eyes as he poured his heart out but he still need to see him in any form. “You were sleeping and moaning softly and I was dying beside you,” he stared painfully.
Gerard clenched his jaw and turned away. “And then as I finally got away, breathed a bit of air that didn’t come from you…you kissed me,” he sighed. “And it came out of nowhere and I didn’t know who you thought I was but I was sure it wasn’t me.” Gerard closed his eyes and held them shut as he remembered and the pain ripped through him all over again. “And it was like you were mocking me cause I knew I wasn’t the one you wanted. I was just the closest person. And it killed me dead on the spot,” he said, biting his lip, holding back the pain that was seeping out so fast on its own. He kept his eyes closed tightly. “I thought for sure you were fucking with me. That you knew all along how I felt because how could you not see it?” he whimpered. “And I ran out and found the first willing body I could find to make me feel wanted,” he trembled. “And the whole time I was with her all I could think of was how she wasn’t you. She didn’t feel like you or sound like you or smell anything like you at all. And I hated her for it,” he groaned. “Even though it wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t be you…I hated her for it,” he whispered. “And I hated myself for trying.”
Frank waited for Gerard to run out of breath and finally he found his chance. He placed his soft lips over Gerard’s closed eye and kissed him back into the moment. Gerard looked back at him with surprise behind his guilt and waited patiently for him to speak. Frank nodded with remorse and offered, “You weren’t the only one who died last night. After the way you reacted…after what I thought had happened…and to see you with her after hearing you prove what I was so sure was true…fuck,” he shook his head, sighing. “I thought for sure that was your way of proving you would never want me; of rubbing in my face how we were nothing alike.” He frowned with pain-stricken fear. “And I have never felt more alone than I did in that moment you walked in with her.”
Gerard held Frank’s hand in his own, bringing him out of the past and back to the moment they now shared. “We didn’t do anything ya know,” he told him softly. “We made out and we fooled around…pretty heavily…but we didn’t…I mean…I couldn’t…” Gerard took a deep breath letting the truth out with it. “Nothing happened, Frank. I swear it. And what little did, I wish to God I could take back,” he swore.
Frank smiled, relieved in some gigantically small way to hear that. “You didn’t?” he smiled.
Gerard had to laugh at Frank’s sweet naivety. “Nothing happened,” he shook his head. Frank tackled him suddenly, kissing him all over his lips, his cheeks, his forehead as he brushed his hair back. Gerard laughed as Frank giggled, overwhelming him with his body, his kisses and his grateful adoration. He felt the press of Frank’s body over him and the need unfulfilled came rising back to the surface Frank was pressing. “Um, Frank?”
“Yeah?” he grinned.
Gerard bit his lip, holding his body at bay as best he could. “I kind of…need you to move.”
Frank looked down, feeling Gerard’s body shift beneath him. “Oh!” he gasped, rolling off him and to the side again.
Gerard laughed, groaning and cupping himself as he rolled away. “You’re killing me,” he blushed.
“Sorry,” Frank giggled with a shrug.
Gerard sat up, licking his lips before stealing a quick kiss. He shook his head. “Man,” he sighed. “It’s gonna be real hard taking it slow with you,” he laughed. “You get started on me and it’s like I’ve got blinders on and all I can think of is gettin you off,” he said, his breathing picking up faster. Gerard took another deep breath, calming his body as best he could. “But I can go slow,” he nodded, assuring him. “I’ve got patience like you wouldn’t believe,” he grinned.
Frank giggled and kissed him softly, pressing his lips to him just because he could. “I want to move forward,” he nodded. “I want to be with you,” Frank smiled. “I just need you to hold my hand along the way.”
Gerard grinned back at him, pulling him down onto the air mattress, his fever taking him over. He tucked Frank into his side and pulled the blankets up over them, sealing them in tightly together. “I’ll hold your hand, Frankie,” he nodded, lacing their fingers together beneath the blanket. “I don’t need your body nearly as much as I just need you with me,” he said softly.
Never in Frank’s life had he felt so loved and appreciated than in that moment. He nestled his nose into the nape of Gerard’s neck and rested with him snugly in his warmth. “I’m learning every night how much I need you too. One dream at a time,” he smiled.
“And during the day?” he asked.
Frank grinned. “Is when my dreams come true.” He turned Gerard’s face and kissed his lips. “But right now I need more sleep,” he laughed.
Gerard smiled and nodded, “Me too. I have a feeling the worst of this fever hasn’t even hit me yet.”
Frank swallowed hard. “Gee?”
“Yeah,” he smiled, sighing as he closed his eyes with comfortable satisfaction.
“When I wake up…make sure the first thing you do…is let me know it’s not a dream?”
Gerard smiled, pulling Frank as close as he could. “I ain’t gonna let ya forget, Frank. I’ll remind you every chance you let me.”
Frank fell asleep with a smile on his face and he knew he would wake up to one too. He would let Gerard remind him. He would let him do anything he wanted in time. It was what Frank wanted but it was still an adjustment and he just needed to keep up to keep going. But he would show Gerard how much he meant to him. He would learn everything there was to know about how to make him happy. Frank was crossing the line from friend to lover but he wasn’t doing it alone. Gerard would be there with him every step of the way to show him everything he needed to know. He would hold his hand through it all. Gerard’s hands…were Frank’s hands…and they were holding on now.
Please tell me that makes up for the painful last chapter! Haha Twenty-one pages later, I’ve poured it all out and I think it came together just fine. This almost sounds like the end. But there’s so much more to come. Slowly, languidly, their hearts are connecting. But soon their bodies will tangle as well and ohhh what a slow burn it will be!! Thank you guys for embracing this story. I adore you for it! Xoxo Harley
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Frank’s eyes startled open to find Gerard leaning over him with worried eyes. Frank let the moment settle inside him, leaving where he had been only a second before and allowing it to merge with the here and now. He felt the differences slipping away until all that was left was reality; the hazy fog of a dream unraveled.
Gerard whispered, “You were whimpering. Dreaming.” He looked away although he still leaned. “I was afraid for you.”
He nodded, cupping Gerard’s face and turning it so they could see one another. “I was dreaming about you,” he whispered. “Always dreaming about you,” he said painfully. “I’m not nearly as afraid as I think I am.”
Gerard stared back at him, holding the fear in himself that Frank had finally let go as he took it from him and kept it warm. He was trembling slightly but he finally asked, “What are you then?”
Frank licked his lips, biting down one side and putting the words out there between them. “Curious? Sure? Retreatingly undecided?”
Gerard was hanging on every word and Frank’s hand still cupped his face. Frank’s fingers moved softly over Gerard’s cheek as he watched his eyes close, his face leaning into Frank’s palm. And they were ready to tell the truth, unguarded. Too sick and tired to be anything but honest.
Frank took a deep breath, one that ached his body and racked his nerves. “You scared me last night,” he whispered, Gerard’s eyes opening with wide fear. “My worst fears came true when you pushed me away.”
Gerard whispered, “You were too close.” He shook his head, remembering. “All I could do was push.”
“I thought I felt you pull first,” he said softly.
“I thought you were stringing me along.”
Frank shook his head. “I just wanted to come along.” He closed his eyes as his spinning head rested on the pillow. “In my dream…you didn’t fight me.”
Gerard cupped Frank’s cheek so they were holding each other’s faces. He said softly, “You can’t hold me responsible for what I do in your dreams, Frank.”
Frank opened his eyes, clear to the reality between them. He whispered to him so closely, wantonly, “Then give me something to hold you responsible for now.”
Gerard took a deep breath, swallowing it hard and holding onto the air, unsure of whether or not he could share it. He leaned forward, tentatively closing the distance he could not bare any longer. And then…he stopped…afraid to make the move he had wanted for so long. Gerard looked to Frank to meet him half way. He had been traveling closer so long, he could no longer move alone.
Frank’s hand smoothed over Gerard’s cheek, making him close his eyes as it brushed his inky black hair and his fingers tangled through it. He cupped the back of Gerard’s neck, pulling him down to him, drawing him closer, letting him finally in. He felt Gerard’s lips press to his own, soft like a whisper, strong with desire and still he pulled him in closer. Their lips held together, magnets of will, connected finally fulfilling their destiny. Frank’s heart raced and he needed air but he surrendered his breath to the slight part of Gerard’s lips.
Frank let out the gasp of a whimper, his lips pulling gently away. He stared at the pain in Gerard’s eyes at his rejection and explained himself in a soft whisper. “Am I dreaming?” His lips trembled, Gerard’s taste barely on them. “I need this to be real,” he whispered.
Gerard’s entire body relaxed, his confidence resuming its rightful place. He smiled, his thumb caressing Frank’s cheekbone as he cupped his face. “This is real, Frankie,” he breathed, claiming the last of the space between them and making it theirs. He held his kiss softly against his lips, moving over him as he sucked Frank’s lip between his.
Frank was in Heaven inside Gerard’s kiss. His heart beat out of his chest, leaping to reach Gerard as he pressed over him. The current of electricity Frank had once dreamed of now rushed through him with exhilarated flow, filling him and draining him simultaneously. His fever raged and Frank’s fingers gripped at Gerard’s shoulders, confirming him there against him over and over.
As Gerard’s tongue licked against Frank’s lip, he felt his stomach drop out like the abandoning consumption of the fall on a roller coaster speeding 100 miles per hour down the track, enforcing its own gravity. He parted his lips with a nervous intake of breath and felt Gerard’s tongue slide over his lip. He tasted him then, against his warm, wet tongue and years of wondering came to a sudden halt.
All those times they had made out on stage paled to the comparison of Gerard’s sweet taste. It was like everything Frank had ever had but nothing he had ever known. His tongue sought out every flavor Gerard gave him; coffee with Italian Cream and half a dozen packets of Splenda; his regular brand of cigarettes and the sweet Amaretto Cloves Adam had gotten him hooked on over the first leg of the tour; the cherry-flavored Jolly Ranchers Gerard always kept on hand. They were all there as Gerard’s tongue explored Frank’s mouth. He tasted the sweet ripe peach he had gotten off the back of a truck at the gas station in Louisiana the day before and finally Frank knew not only what that peach tasted like, but what it tasted like with Gerard. And Frank was no longer on the outside of Gerard looking in. He had Gerard inside him and he never wanted to let him go.
Frank began to claw under Gerard’s shirt, lifting it up so he could rake his back, gripping him closer, needing the feel of bare skin against his fingers with nothing in between. Gerard moaned softly into his kiss and Frank lost all feeling in his body except in one place. His entire body went numb at that delicious sound he swore he could taste and all of the feeling rushed to his groin where it pooled and gathered and became solid mass inside him.
“Unh,” Frank whimpered against his lips, placing the moan in against Gerard’s tongue.
Gerard pressed his body down over Frank, harder with need as the friction sparked between them and that little sound drove him over the edge. He kissed him with fevered flourish, tangling inside him with forceful domination as his blood rushed through his body with one destination in mind.
Frank went from numb to completely aware as Gerard’s hand slipped between them, raking over the cursed button that held Frank’s pants on and kept him away. Gerard tore at it, as Frank felt it release and he fumbled with his zipper. Frank felt the excitement adrenalize into panic as sudden expectations became unnervingly real. It was all happening too fast. Frank did not know what to do with a man. It had taken him years to learn the female body and still he knew nothing at all. As Gerard pushed aside the folds of Frank’s jeans he felt trapped instead of held and attacked over being taken.
“Stop,” he breathed as Gerard slid his hand down inside, feeling for him faster with need. “Stop!” Frank gasped, desperate to be heard.
Gerard froze and pulled away from him, his hands up like he was being arrested. “What did I do?” he panted. “I’m sorry. What did I do?”
Frank bit his lip, as the blood that had previously rushed to their matching body parts suddenly flushed to their faces. He stared at Gerard’s worry and wondered if he mirrored him with panic and suddenly Frank was morbidly humiliated. He closed his eyes, shutting them tight and breathed out his apology hard. “I’m sorry. Gerard. Fuck,” he winced. “I’m sorry.”
Gerard pulled farther away, rolling off of him and sitting beside him, staring off into the distance, anywhere that Frank was not. He covered his eyes with his trembling hand, not trusting his lids to block out enough of the moment. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry,” he breathed, his whole body trying not to come undone from the massive fail it never saw coming. “You don’t want this,” he muttered softly. “I knew that,” he said, his hand too heavy with guilt to hide him any longer as it slipped down to his lap.
Frank shot up, demanding his attention, grabbing his chin and forcing his focus. “No,” he shook his head. “No, no, no. Please,” he begged. “It isn’t that.”
He bit his lip and faced him head on, turning his body to meet him again, this time from a distance. “What then? What did I do?”
The broken look in his eyes told Frank he had hurt him far worse than Gerard had ever hurt him. He reached for him again, pulling him back down onto the bed beside him. He held Gerard to his chest, brushing his hair, still needing to touch him in any little way just to make it okay. “I…it was so good,” he breathed. “But I realized…um…”
Gerard nodded with a sigh, “That I’m a man and this isn’t what you want.”
Frank laughed out loud causing Gerard to sit up again, whipping around to face him. Frank shook his head. “No!” he offered, not meaning to laugh and tear him down further but now he could not stop. Gerard gritted his teeth, losing his patience and Frank pulled himself together to speak. “Gerard,” he smiled in disbelief, sitting up to parallel their bodies. “I know you’re a man,” he giggled. “We share a history, a friendship, an intimate life.” He smiled, putting Gerard at ease again. “We’ve shared a stage, a van, a bed, a bunk a shower!” he laughed. “I know you’re a man,” he nodded.
Gerard laughed an embarrassed sound at hearing the simplicity of the obvious.
“What I suddenly realized is that I…I mean…” He grew more and more uncomfortable with what he was about to reveal. “I have no idea…what I’m doing,” he sighed, his laughter gone. “I…fuck,” he muttered, covering his face so he could get the words out with what little dignity he had left. “I don’t know how to make you feel the way you make me feel,” he groaned awkwardly. Frank faced him again and found Gerard smiling with appreciation of his honesty. “You light me on fire,” he grinned, feeling silly. “You’ve been with men. I know you have,” he shook his head, not wanting to think of the rumors…the drug years…the others. “I’ve never done that,” he said softly. Gerard was still smiling though and Frank could not help but join him. He threw up his hands as they both began to laugh. “I don’t know where to put my hands, what might turn you on, how to be with another man.” He bit his lip again, wondering if it was too late to still blame his flushed face on the fever.
Gerard smirked, reaching up with a steady finger to tug Frank’s lip from his teeth. He took Frank’s hands in his, wrapping them around his waist. “You can put your hands here,” he grinned. Gerard cocked his brow, “Or anywhere else you damn well please.” Frank giggled, feeling foolish still. “And you turn me on, Frank. With every little sound you make; each blink of your lashes, every motion of your olive skin, each beat of that heart I’m finally close enough to feel.” He beamed at Frank and felt it radiate back towards him. “And if you don’t know how to be with a man…then we’ll take it slow and you can learn how to just be with me,” he smiled softly.
Frank felt the pressure erase and they were two friends again, in each other’s company, enjoying one another. This…was intimacy at its finest. “I’d like that,” he smiled.
Gerard kissed his lips gently, keeping his need away, and instead just placing the kiss on his lips with soft offering. “I got carried away,” he shrugged with a giggle. “I’ve waited a really long time for you to realize I’m here,” he whispered, avoiding his eyes. “I never thought you felt like this and never believed you would. I gave up on wanting you a long time ago and just tried to satiate my need for you instead. It was enough to be near you, around you, beside you,” he blushed, staring into his eyes again. “I was happy with that,” he nodded, seeing Frank’s sweet smile., “And then…last night…it felt so good to have you come to me. And it really kind of threw me, ya know? Cause it just felt so right and you really looked like you wanted to be there with me. But I’ve thought that before… more times than I can count…and it takes me longer to get over it every time,” he frowned sadly. “After a while, you had been out so long, I just needed to get away from you. Because I wanted you too much,” he shook his head. “More than I could stand to resist.” He tried not to look at the pain in Frank’s eyes as he poured his heart out but he still need to see him in any form. “You were sleeping and moaning softly and I was dying beside you,” he stared painfully.
Gerard clenched his jaw and turned away. “And then as I finally got away, breathed a bit of air that didn’t come from you…you kissed me,” he sighed. “And it came out of nowhere and I didn’t know who you thought I was but I was sure it wasn’t me.” Gerard closed his eyes and held them shut as he remembered and the pain ripped through him all over again. “And it was like you were mocking me cause I knew I wasn’t the one you wanted. I was just the closest person. And it killed me dead on the spot,” he said, biting his lip, holding back the pain that was seeping out so fast on its own. He kept his eyes closed tightly. “I thought for sure you were fucking with me. That you knew all along how I felt because how could you not see it?” he whimpered. “And I ran out and found the first willing body I could find to make me feel wanted,” he trembled. “And the whole time I was with her all I could think of was how she wasn’t you. She didn’t feel like you or sound like you or smell anything like you at all. And I hated her for it,” he groaned. “Even though it wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t be you…I hated her for it,” he whispered. “And I hated myself for trying.”
Frank waited for Gerard to run out of breath and finally he found his chance. He placed his soft lips over Gerard’s closed eye and kissed him back into the moment. Gerard looked back at him with surprise behind his guilt and waited patiently for him to speak. Frank nodded with remorse and offered, “You weren’t the only one who died last night. After the way you reacted…after what I thought had happened…and to see you with her after hearing you prove what I was so sure was true…fuck,” he shook his head, sighing. “I thought for sure that was your way of proving you would never want me; of rubbing in my face how we were nothing alike.” He frowned with pain-stricken fear. “And I have never felt more alone than I did in that moment you walked in with her.”
Gerard held Frank’s hand in his own, bringing him out of the past and back to the moment they now shared. “We didn’t do anything ya know,” he told him softly. “We made out and we fooled around…pretty heavily…but we didn’t…I mean…I couldn’t…” Gerard took a deep breath letting the truth out with it. “Nothing happened, Frank. I swear it. And what little did, I wish to God I could take back,” he swore.
Frank smiled, relieved in some gigantically small way to hear that. “You didn’t?” he smiled.
Gerard had to laugh at Frank’s sweet naivety. “Nothing happened,” he shook his head. Frank tackled him suddenly, kissing him all over his lips, his cheeks, his forehead as he brushed his hair back. Gerard laughed as Frank giggled, overwhelming him with his body, his kisses and his grateful adoration. He felt the press of Frank’s body over him and the need unfulfilled came rising back to the surface Frank was pressing. “Um, Frank?”
“Yeah?” he grinned.
Gerard bit his lip, holding his body at bay as best he could. “I kind of…need you to move.”
Frank looked down, feeling Gerard’s body shift beneath him. “Oh!” he gasped, rolling off him and to the side again.
Gerard laughed, groaning and cupping himself as he rolled away. “You’re killing me,” he blushed.
“Sorry,” Frank giggled with a shrug.
Gerard sat up, licking his lips before stealing a quick kiss. He shook his head. “Man,” he sighed. “It’s gonna be real hard taking it slow with you,” he laughed. “You get started on me and it’s like I’ve got blinders on and all I can think of is gettin you off,” he said, his breathing picking up faster. Gerard took another deep breath, calming his body as best he could. “But I can go slow,” he nodded, assuring him. “I’ve got patience like you wouldn’t believe,” he grinned.
Frank giggled and kissed him softly, pressing his lips to him just because he could. “I want to move forward,” he nodded. “I want to be with you,” Frank smiled. “I just need you to hold my hand along the way.”
Gerard grinned back at him, pulling him down onto the air mattress, his fever taking him over. He tucked Frank into his side and pulled the blankets up over them, sealing them in tightly together. “I’ll hold your hand, Frankie,” he nodded, lacing their fingers together beneath the blanket. “I don’t need your body nearly as much as I just need you with me,” he said softly.
Never in Frank’s life had he felt so loved and appreciated than in that moment. He nestled his nose into the nape of Gerard’s neck and rested with him snugly in his warmth. “I’m learning every night how much I need you too. One dream at a time,” he smiled.
“And during the day?” he asked.
Frank grinned. “Is when my dreams come true.” He turned Gerard’s face and kissed his lips. “But right now I need more sleep,” he laughed.
Gerard smiled and nodded, “Me too. I have a feeling the worst of this fever hasn’t even hit me yet.”
Frank swallowed hard. “Gee?”
“Yeah,” he smiled, sighing as he closed his eyes with comfortable satisfaction.
“When I wake up…make sure the first thing you do…is let me know it’s not a dream?”
Gerard smiled, pulling Frank as close as he could. “I ain’t gonna let ya forget, Frank. I’ll remind you every chance you let me.”
Frank fell asleep with a smile on his face and he knew he would wake up to one too. He would let Gerard remind him. He would let him do anything he wanted in time. It was what Frank wanted but it was still an adjustment and he just needed to keep up to keep going. But he would show Gerard how much he meant to him. He would learn everything there was to know about how to make him happy. Frank was crossing the line from friend to lover but he wasn’t doing it alone. Gerard would be there with him every step of the way to show him everything he needed to know. He would hold his hand through it all. Gerard’s hands…were Frank’s hands…and they were holding on now.
Please tell me that makes up for the painful last chapter! Haha Twenty-one pages later, I’ve poured it all out and I think it came together just fine. This almost sounds like the end. But there’s so much more to come. Slowly, languidly, their hearts are connecting. But soon their bodies will tangle as well and ohhh what a slow burn it will be!! Thank you guys for embracing this story. I adore you for it! Xoxo Harley
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