Just a one-shot, figured I'd post it again on this account =^::^=
I never used to be like this; quiet, dark, isolated,scared, and boxed in. I used to have a life, with friends and teachers and even bullies. I miss them all now, partly because I'm in a faze, and partly because I miss having people pick on me, letting me know I was still alive. And I never used to act this way, either. I used to be with the "in" crowd, getting in on all the cool dances and parties, going to all the cool dances and parties, going to all the cool games. But that was long ago. Before I met him. Before I started dressing differently, and listening to darker music. And to think I threw it all away, just to be with him. And then he left me, disappearing one night and never coming back. He left me stuck like this, messed up out of my mind. Sure, he left a note saying he'd come back. But that was almost 4 years ago.
I'm still gradually grasping onto life again, listening to "normal" music, and dressing "as I should". And most of all, putting on an act to where everybody thinks I'm fine. But I'm not. If you looked at me from a distance, you'd probably see a girlie girl. But if you looked into my eyes, you'd see all the pain that I am holding inside. He took everything when he left. My friends, my love, my life...And most of all, he took my heart.
It used to just be games, saying one of us would leave the other for good, and never come back. But all those times, he wasn't really kidding. He was hinting at it, and I was just too stupid to realize it before now. Just the other day, some one came up to me and asked where he was. I said nothing, only broke down sobbing. That's how I got the name "Emo". I'm not really emo, but it seems to make people feel better about the way they dress, all slutty and preppy and jockish and cocky. It makes me sick! These people love to make things worse, love to bring pain to me and everyone else who look and act like me. It's pathetic. If he were here, I'd never have a fear. If he were here, he'd show me how to live. But he's not. He never will be. And as I look back I realize that he really never was. All these people think I'm crazy. They think I make all these things up for my own benefit, just to get attention. Well screw them. Screw their thinking and ways of life, and their needles! I didn't want this. I only wanted him. Some one to make me feel special. But as I began to think about it, no one will ever make me feel special. It's like I'm doomed to this torture for all eternity. And there's no stopping it.
As I write this, I think about all the times he said he loved me. And I remember all the silly questions he'd ask. "What would you do without me?" he would wonder. "I would die of loneliness," was always my answer. And then he would just laugh it off, as if nothing had been said about the matter. I never liked it. It made me feel as if he was keeping something from me. Ha, we all know what that was. He wasn't here for good, he was only here to toy with my emotions. Bring me up, drag me down, float my boat, make it sink. Maybe, just maybe, he knew what I'd do. Just maybe, he'd know I'd end up here, like this. Maybe, just maybe, he knew I would do this. I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
After I finish writing I'm going to pack these papers into my drawer, and pray that someone finds them. Then I'm going to do many things, all leading up to my death. I'm going to slit my left wrist, inject in my right, pop some pills, smoke some dope, and fall off the edge of this twenty some thing story building. I will go splat! and from then on nobody will ever see me again, as a whole. There will be pieces of me in every direction, and children will be crying, people will scream, and some where around the world, I know he will see this. And when he does, I will write this:
I love you very much, my darling. You will always be in my heart, no matter how gone I am. We will be together some day, I know it.
Frank read the note again for the last time, reminding himself of why he was going to die. He never meant to hurt her, never meant to toy with her, never even meant to leave. But he had, and now she was dead.
He had gone to the funeral just two days ago, and decided then on this: he was going to join her. He knew the tragedies it would bring to his friends, but he didn't care. He set the papers in hes pocket and climbed in the bath tub. He took out the blade and slid it across one wrist, then the other, watching his blood, his memories, his life, literally go down the drain. It all happened so fast, he wouldn't have had to stop it even if he wanted to. He felt himself getting tired. His eyes drooped shut, he was barely able to hear the screams of his best friend, and the pain, everything, was gone.
Frank was drifting around in his dreams, screaming at the top of his lungs as he watched, with his very own eyes, the love of his life falling off the building. "NO!" he screamed out, sitting up in his bunk and hitting his head. Above him, Gerard shifted in his sleep. Only he seemed to be awake, as he sat crying and sobbing, alone by himself. Next to him he could hear the sound of Ray and Bob snoring, and out in the living room of the bus he could hear the t.v. on, presumably from when Mikey fell asleep. He had his head in his knees, which seemed to quiet the sound of his crying and caught every single tear that fell onto his pajama pants. He felt the mattress move beside him, and as he looked up there sat Gerard. He had no idea how he hadn't heard him get up. Then it dawned on him: Mikey was above him, sleeping, and it had been Gerard watching t.v., not Mikey.
"Hey, Frank, you OK?" he asked. Frank glared at him.
"I'm sitting here crying and all you can ask is am I okay?!" he whispered fiercely. Gerard looked taken back, and he automatically felt sorry for snapping. "Look man, I'm sorry for snapping. It's just that, I go through this every night, and I thought you'd be used to it by now and know."
"Hey, we all have those times. Is it the one thing again? Is it her?"
"Yeah. I can't stop thinking about her falling. I saw it man, I watched her fall as I was climbing her stairs to say I was back and sorry. I had no clue she would do that."
"It's not your fault, Frank. It was her decision." Gerard quickly regretted those words.
"I left her when she needed me most. I LEFT her, Gerard! All for a stupid band, so that we could have money and get married and start a family! How dare you say that? You KNOW that it was my fault, and nothing you say will ever change that."
Gerard hung his head. "Look Frank, I'm sorry. I was trying to help. You always blame yourself for everything. When we mess up in practice, you say sorry. When I spill my coffee, you say sorry. For fucks' sake you even say sorry when I fall onstage!"
"I know, Gee. It's just that, nothing is the same. I just want to die. And I wish every day that you had never stopped me from my suicide attempt. It went perfectly, and now I have scars to show for it. You could have just let me die with my sorrow. Instead you made me live through this Hell."
Gerard looked at Frank sadly now."You really think that, don't you," he stated. Frank nodded.
"Frank, I kept you alive because I NEED you. In fact, we ALL need you. Every day."
Gerard nodded. "Really. And by you staying, it's made you a little tougher, day by day. Don't you see? You have fans that adore you, that support you. You have the life you wanted all your life. Isn't that enough?"
Frank thought for a few minutes, then answered. "No, Gerard, it's not. It's almost perfect, except for her. She's not here, and that takes the joy out of life. I'm sorry."
"That's fine Frank. And believe me, I know how you feel. Remember, I lost Marie because of a subway train. Don't think you're the only one that goes through that every day. And you know that I'm always here." Gerard said smiling. Frank smiled back as sudden hope filled his body.
"Yes, Gerard, I will always come to you and talk. Because you can always talk sense into me, no matter how down I am."
"I know." he said as he brought Frank into a hug.
"You know? I think I love you Gee."
Gerard laughed lightly, as to not wake the guys up. "Yes, Frank, I know. And I love you too. Now go to sleep, Kay?"
"Alright, Gee, I will. Besides," he yawned,"we have a big show tomorrow, and the wild boy needs his beauty rest. Good night!" he said as Gerard went into the next room.
"Good night, Frankie boy." Gerard answered as he watched Frank fall asleep.
The next day at the show, Frank played the best he had ever played in a while, ever since her death. The crowd was wild and cheering, Gerard was touching himself and humping inanimate objects, Ray was head banging, Mikey was being quiet in the back, and Bob was playing the shit outta the drums. It was as if she had never died,and was there with him. As they slowed the tempo and began to play Demolition Lovers, Frank looked out into the crowd, and saw a face. But not just any face. It was THE face, the perfect face, and it reminded him of her, his long lost love. He decided right then and there that he would make sure to meet her later. He kept his eye on her the entire time as she swayed side to side and spun in circles to their music, oblivious to the stares she was getting. He instantly fell in love with her, and wanted desperately to know her. As they finished up, he looked back into the crowd, and tried to find her. But she was gone. His heart sank in realization that it was all a mirage, she was never there. It was just a memory, or a trick of his mind, of what he really wanted in life. When the curtains fell he ran off stage, put his guitar away, and ran out back, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and smoking one. He fell into deep thought as the smoke filled his lungs, each time taking five minutes of his life away.
"You know, smoking kills you," a girls' voice said. He stood up straight and looked around. Standing right there in front of him, was the girl he had seen.
"Y-yeah, I k-know that." He couldn't believe it. For the first time in a long time, he was stuttering. The girl giggled a sweet sound, filling his insides with happiness. "W-what?"
"Nothing. It's just, I’ve never heard you stutter, not even in videos of you. It's funny. Do you mind if I take a drag off that?" she asked kindly. He took one last drag and passed it to her.
"You can have it. I'm done."
"Ha ha, thanks. I'm Jamia by the way."
"Frank. But you probably already know that, don't you."
"Yeah, but let's say I don't. So, tell me about yourself."
"Um, there's not really that much. I'm in a band called My Chemical Romance, play guitar, am a wild boy, and that's pretty much it. What about you?"
"I'm not really working right now. I used to be in a band, but when the drummer quit, the guitarist moved and our vocalist died, it went down hill."
"Oh. I'm really sorry about your friend. I lost some one I cared for too. It was a long time ago though, probably about 5 years or so."
"Yeah. I miss her a lot."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I've kind of moved on, but it gets to me every once in a while and then I lose it."
"How long have you not been working?"
"Mmm, maybe every since she died. I lost track of the years and months. But I live with my brother, so it's all good. Don't you need to sign photographs or something?"
"Nah, the guys can handle the fans. I'm tired so I'm probably gonna just go back to the bus. Hey, do you mind if I ask you something?"
"No, go ahead."
"Um, are you..seeing any one? Currently?"
She giggled."No. Why?"
"Because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to be killed by a man, or woman, for inviting you onto our bus."
"Wait, what do you mean woman? Do I look like that to you?"
"Mm, no, but you never know. Looks can be very deceiving. So do you want to come on our bus?"
"Yeah, sure. But only for a little while, I have to have my brothers car back before it's too late."
Frank and Jamia headed off towards the tour bus, and as they did cameras flashed, and out of nowhere came reporter people that Frank absolutely HATED dealing with. And on came the questions.
"Frank, who's this?"
"This is Jamia."
"Are you two dating?"
"Then why are you together?"
"Look, she's my best friend. Can't two friends hang out? You know, talk and shit?"
That got the people out of his face. Suddenly Gerard and the rest of the guys came out of the stadium so they headed over there. Thank God, Frank thought. He opened the door and let Jamia in first.
"Do you want anything? Coffee, chips, sugar?"
"I'll have some co-" Her phone rang. She picked it up, and walked outside after giving him the finger saying "hold on", and so he waited. As he did, he got the coffee ready. He knew what she would say even before she said it. When the coffee was done, she came back in, looking sad.
"What's the matter?"
"I have to go. My brother needs his car so he can go see his girlfriend. Thank you so much for the coffee though, or at least making it."
"Yeah. Here, have this," he said handing her a piece of paper with his phone number on it. She read it and smiled.
"Thanks Frank. I'll give you a call some time. Here's mine." She handed him a piece of paper she had and left. He dialed the number into his phone and waited for her to pick up.
"Hey its Frank."
"I just saw you two seconds ago and you're calling already?"
"Well, I had to check and make sure you gave me the right number."
"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"
"Well, you know, just checking. And here's the real number in my phone."
He gave her the real number, said good bye, and hung up, right as the guys came in the door.
"Hey Frankster! Where have you been?" asked Mikey as he grabbed a cup of coffee off the stove top.
"Just haning out here."
"We saw you with a girl," taunted Ray.
"Well, who is she?" asked Bob.
"Her name's Jamia. She's my new friend."
"Wow, that's cool. Hey Gerard!" Mikey yelled.
"What?" he called back from inside the bathroom.
"Frankie's replacing you with a girl!"
"Go screw yourself Mikes! He would never do that to the famous Gerard Way!"
They all laughed and headed off towards their bunks. As Frank was falling asleep he felt the bed sink in once again. I turned back over and saw Gerard laying next to him. He looked at him questioningly.
"Don't ask. Mikey stole my bunk again."
"That's because you got rid of mine!" Mikey said from up top.
"Did not! Bob did!"
"Shut up cork plugger!"
"Both of you, SHUT UP!" Frank yelled, along with Ray and Bob. They quieted down and soon all was quiet. Gerard turned over and poked Frank.
"You're not really replacing me, are you?"
"Why would I do that?"
"Don't know. Just asking."
"OK, well no I'm not. I'd never. And just so you know, I know you don't really munch on 'carpets'. Nobody in their right mind would."
Gerard laughed and rolled back over. Frank listened to every one until he was sure each one was sleeping, then, for the first time, he fell asleep and dreamed of nothing.
Alright, I know this really seems familiar. You might have read it before, when I posted it on a different account. But I didn't like it after I read it today, so I changed some of it. Rate and reviewwwwww nikaa!