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Ever wondered how bad being a wedding guest could be? Well, you're about to find out
This is the story that finally got me back into writing.
At first, I wasn't exactly sure what category to put this in.
It's an original, but it has characters that featured in an MCR fic.
But, here we are in the originals!
If you've read Gimme A Tour To Remember, this is basically a parody of what would've happened if Sean and Meghan had never met at the party.
There was no band, there was no relationship between Sean and Meghan.
Instead, this is the story of Sean, Cait and Sarah, Sean's ex.
Written for my pal Sarah, I'm gonna dedicate this to her, along with all the amazing writers and reviewers on here, which pretty much was part of the reason that I got back to writing XD
Please don't take this too seriously. I didn't.
Here's part one, enjoy!
"Weddings. The epitomy of love and joy. As old as the church itself, they're a symbol of a fresh start, a clean break, a new beginning. An occasion for smiling, laughing, and a few happy tears. The uncontested traditional meaning of sincerity and commitment. For the bride and groom, one of the happiest and most memorable days of their life.
That is, of course, unless it's held in Wales.."
"Sean! Dude! Put down the freaking Bible! It might brainwash you!" I hissed to the man next to me. There was no way that I was going to let my friend ruin this wedding with Christian preachings. Though wasn't the church already religious..? I pushed that thought to one side and continued to endeavor to prevent a catastrophe. Sean looked up, dark eyes opened wide in innocence and conviction. "No, it won't, Cait! Can't you see?! It's a sign! That's why we're here today! That's why this book was under my seat! That's --"
I cut him off with a slap around the face. "Put. Down. The. Bible. Before. I. MAKE. You. Put. It. Down", I murmered darkly. I was pretty sure I was beginning to look the devil. Sean slowly placed the book on the floor and his eyes never left me. For all he knew, I might tackle him while he wasn't looking. It didn't bother me that I was a mere 5"7 while Sean was 6foot tall with training in wrestling. I was pretty sure that he knew that messing with me would be equal to death.
"We're here for a wedding. A W-E-D-D-I-N-G. Where people get married" I whispered slowly and pronounced every word slowly. "M-A-R-R-I-E-D. You know? NOT FOR YOU TO HAVE A SUDDEN REBIRTH OF FAITH!", I whispered shrilly. The people in the row behind us stared at the strange couple sitting in from of them. I was used to public attention from squabbles with Sean. I simply turned and smiled at the old couple staring at us. My attempt at a reassuring grin didn't seem to do much and they just kept looking at us like we had no place at the wedding. I turned back to Sean, who gazed at me in disbelief. "But Cait!--", he started defiantly.
"No buts. We're here for Sarah's wedding, okay? That's the reason I'm in this thing-" I gestured to my emerald prom-style dress "-that's why my hair is actually curled-", I tugged at my long brown waves, "-it's why I have my evening wear glasses on, and it's why you're wearing a suit, okay?", I sighed at his persistent attitude and eyed his tuxedo speculatively. "Why are you wearing a white tux, anyway? It's a little .. strange. And why is your hair so . .messy?"
Sean shrugged and tugged at his unstyled black locks. "The hair is to remind Sarah of the good times we had in b--"
"Okay, ew!", I shrieked. Bad mental mental images came to mind as I covered my ears and interrupted him. "Stop! Right there! Lalala, I'm not hearing this!", I opened my eyes to see Sean staring distantly into space, reminiscing. I made a strangled noise of disgust. "Ugh, Sean! You are not remembered the "good times" you had with Sarah, are you? She's getting married now! Jeez. So, your tux?"
Sean stared at me in amusement for a moment before replying. "Remember when Sarah and I dated, and I made the promise I'd wear a tux on our wedding-?"
"- and then your went and slept with one of her friends and got her pregnant?", I said flatly. I still remembered the day that I found out about Sean's affairs. Sean still remembered it, too, thanks to the small scar on his cheek where I'd punched him. Shame I'd been wearing a ring, really.
"Sssshh!", Sean said loudly, putting a hand over my mouth. "Remember! She doesn't know about Zara's kid!". Sean left his hand covering my lips until I gave him a dangerous glare that made him fear for his life. He lowered his arm slowly as though he were putting down a loaded gun.
"She doesn't have to know". I shrugged. "She just knew I was annoyed with you and you know what they say -- A way to a girl's heart is through her friends." Sean continued to frown.
"But I thought she loved me! It just doesn't make sense" He said in frustration.
"Sen, man, seriously. I love you like the older brother I never wanted and yet I have no problem slapping you. Oh, and I may have also mentioned to Sarah that you slept with her friend, and with a lot of other chicks that you can't remember", I smiled at the shocked look on his face.
"But we -- and Zara . . I was drunk! And what about me and random girls!?", Sean asked in horror. I grinned in response.
"Oh, just, when you're upset, you usually go out, get wasted and sleep with the first person you find . . you really should stop drinking that much, seriously. It was only me telling that Belgian hooker that you were Irish that got you off last time. I've never heard so many Belgian swears in my life", I chuckled at the memory of the irate European whore and Sean looking drunkenly bemused.
Sean just stared at me and started rambling again. "Still! She's marrying a Welsh guy! Welsh, Cait, Welsh!," Sean said in exasperation. I raised an eyebrow at him beore replying. "And? She's English, and I'm pretty sure you slept with a Welsh girl last week. Possibly the the groom's sister.." I trailed off thoughtfully and eyed Sean's disgusted expression.
"Cait! Why didn't you stop me?! Welsh!," he shrieked, on the verge of hysterics. At that moment, the organ music started to signal the arrival of the bride. I'd been prepared for this moment, and quickly pulled a hipflask of neat whiskey out of my pocket. In depseration, I tossed it at Sean with as much force as I could manage. Predictably, it went far wide and hit the middle-aged man next to Sean on the side of his head. I drew a sharp breath as I heard the muffled thump against the man's head. Sean and I looked around in horor as we saw a black toupe go flying off. Straight into the path of the bridesmaids.
Damnit!, I thought and watched the hairpiece fly into the aisle. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to freak Sean out so much, right before the service. And knocking off her uncle's toupe?! Perfect, I thought bitterly. Then again, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Sarah had always wanted a memorable wedding, and how much more memorabe could you get than a drunk ex? Well, maybe somebody streaking, but Sean would probably end up doing that, too.
The flower girl and the bridesmaids simply walked around the wig. From my place, it looked a big like a rat or another dead animal, so I couldn't blame them. The uncle guy didn't seem to want to pull his wig out of the way before Sarah went past. Instead, Sean and I watched her gracefully stride by, oblivious to the hairy mass at her feet. With everyone still watching, the uncle quickly stuck out his hand and grabbed his toupe before placing it on his head. It resembled a mop after being thrown about, but I didn't want to tell him that. Afterall, he probably wouldn't take too kindly to having his hair wrecked by a drunk guy and his accident-prone friend.
Somehow, Sean had managed to get his flask back. While we sat down and listened to the vicar drone on and on, he managed to surrepticiously get away with drinking all the whiskey. "You weren't supposed to drink it all!," I whispered harshly. Sean just looked at me with glazed eyes. We remained quiet for a few minutes and I was glad that I'd placated him with alcohol. I regretted giving him the drink, though, when he started crying uncontrolably. I gave him a horrified look before accepting defeat. He was drunk and I was the only one who could stop him wreaking hell. Feeling responsible for his actions from that point onwards, I quickly pulled him into a hug and muffled his sobs. The woman behind us, who already had an inkling that we were weirdos, leant over the back of the pew towards us. "Is he okay?," she whispered and stared at Sean like he was wearing a dress or singing in Gnomish.
"He's fine, he just gets a bit emotional at these things," I replied softly. As if to add to the affect, Sean sniffed a few times, then looked up.
"So. Beautiful," he murmered before collapsing into tears. I smiled and shrugged in response to woman's worried look. After all, he was a grown man sobbing at a wedding. She looked like she was contemplating ringing the local mental hospital, but then seemed to think better of it. Obviously she was some distant family relative, and didn't want to upset the wedding too much. I'd imagine that a troup of demanding men in white suits crashing the wedding wouldn't go down toowell. Knowing Sarah, though, she'd probably invite them to come to the reception for refreshments. I could just imagine the bride mingling with men from the mental hospital while they searched for Sean as I dragged him under a table. Maybe not the best way to end the day.
When the service was finally finished, and Sean was laughing about something, we started to make our way out of the church. It was actually a warm and sunny day outside for Wales. The fresh air seemed to do something for Sean while we went down the church steps as his tears slowed down. "Sean," I started airily, "Is their any particular reason as to why you started crying?". He looked at me with innocent and somewhat unfocused eyes.
"Me?! Cry?! Yeh, well, SHE WAS GETTING MARRIED!," he shrieked and started to sob into my shoulder again.A few people were beginning to make their way out of the church towards us. When a couple started asking if Sean was okay, I used the first excuse that came to mind. "Um, yeah. He's just found out that his . . . uhh . . .dog died," I said and people nodded sympathetically. Sean, however, just lifted up his head and looked shocked. "Now Sparky's dead?! NO!," he howled and continued to cry.
As I told people that he was fine, and started to pull him towards his car, I wondered why I'd brought him. Yeah, he was friends with Sarah, but after that attempt he'd made at buying her a dog and kissing her, things hadn't been the same. Possibly because he'd done so in front of her then fiancee. Though, oddy enough, she'd kept the dog. I shook my head at the thoughts of my strange friends. In a way, I'd been prepared for this eventuality. Sean always had done things to extremes. I propped Sean up against his beat-up black Sedan and glanced around. Most people seemed to be proccupied with wishing the couple well in the church.
Suddenly, a thought hit me."Sean. Please tell me that you have your phone?," I asked. He looked at me blankly.
"No, I don't. Why?," he asked after a long silence. I whacked my head off the roof of the car softly. Things were somehow managing to get worse. I sighed, lifted my head and held my hand out. "Keys?," I requested. Sean just looked at me strangely.
"You can't drive," he said and started giggling.
"I know, but neither can you. And we don't have a cell to get somebody to pick us up. So, c'mon, keys," I insisted. He looked like he was going to pass out soon, or burst into more spontanious tears. I didn't want that to happen in some stranger's car.
Sean laughed even more as he struggled to pull his keys out of the pocket of his pants. Eventually he handed them over with a stern expression. "You better not crash my car," I flashed him a grin before unlocking the car.
"I'll try, but I'm not makng any promises". With that, we set off towards the wedding reception in silence, broken only by Sean alternating between laughing and tearing up. Things certaining looked interesting, to say the least.
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