All is revealed, nuff said. (: Review.
Song Recommendation- She Is Love- Parachute
I’m Not One For Love Songs
Okay, so I’m no gonna lie, I felt really nauseous after I ate my pancakes.
And no, it was not from the pancakes themselves, it was from the high speed at which they were consumed. Gabe was actually a pretty decent cook. Okay, maybe a bit more than decent. I wasn’t feeling up to giving him a lot of kudos at the moment though.
As he merrily finished cleaning my dish he turned to me and said, “Okay, let’s go into the living room and I’ll explain everything to you, back to up when I saw you a few years ago,” and he walked into the living room without waiting for me.
I raised my eyebrow, my interest piqued, and quickly shuffled into the living room where I found him sitting with his back straight and his hands on his lap on the love seat. I chose the couch and turned to him, waiting eagerly.
“Well, let’s start with when I saw you at Sal’s and well, ya know…”
“Took my virginity and acted like a total assholedickwad?”
“uhm, yeah that..” he answered nervously. He sighed and started again, “Well, back then I was really starting to get fucked up. I was getting thrown deeper and deeper into the music business and when you’re a noob, it’s hard to not give in to ‘peer pressure’, so to speak. That’s when I started coke, I missed home and what it used to represent. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I fucking hated Landford, but it was before everything had really gone down hill.”
“What happened that made everything go downhill?” I asked quietly.
“Well, I grew up without a mom and so I never really had any tenderness or real love in my life. I mean, I love my dad, but I hardly see him and he was always busy; he was a doctor. He worked hard when we’d come here from Uruguay when I was younger, and then when my mom left us and took a lot of our savings with her… It was just really hard on us three.”
“You three?” I asked confused.
“Yeah, that’s what I was getting to; I’d had a cousin, Carlos. He was my best friend and he grew up down the street from me, he thought of my mom like his own,” I sat there trying to remember a Carlos from high school. “He didn’t go to school with us, he went to St. Joe’s,” he answered my unasked question.
“Anyways, he got shot a few months prior to that, and that’s when my life had really started to go down. The one person I relied on the most in the world was gone, and it wasn’t eve like he’d been doing anything wrong! It was just a drive by shooting. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time,” by this time I noticed him tearing and I wasn’t really sure whether to comfort him or let him tough it out.
“That’s why when I went to Sal’s Strip Club with a few guys I’d been hanging with I was totally coked out of my mind and all I saw was you, on a fucking pole, and I was in shock dude. I’m not gonna lie, I was turned on and all I saw was you in almost no clothes, what else was I supposed to do?! So when, that creepy dude, Sal, noticed me staring at you he made me an offer I couldn’t resist. I just didn’t know that it was unusual for you or anything..?” he back stepped when he saw my angry expression, “Not that I though that you were a whore or anything! But I mean, I didn’t know what the rules or regulations to the club were or anything.”
“Why were you such an asshole about it though, seriously?” I asked, hurt from so long ago ringing out clearly, “I was in a bad spot then, it was the best choice for me.”
My desperate need to defend myself sounded pathetic to even my own ears.
“I completely understand, believe me, I am in no position to look down upon anybody,” he said with his hands raised in a peace offering way.
“Okay, so I understand what happened at Sal’s, though I still am pissed. I mean dude, you took my fucking virginity. You may not have necessarily raped me, but I had no choice,” I was sure my eyes looked glassed over by unshed tears, but I was trying so hard to stay strong.
“And I’m sure that I made it a really shitty first time for you, and I will probably never forgive myself for that. You deserved, deserve, a lot better than me. And all I can do is offer you my most sincere apology,” he told me honestly as my hands were brought to his nervously ringing hands. My hand landed on top of them, halting their movement.
“I accept it, I don’t know how I can forgive you, but I do,” I told him in all honesty.
“Thank god,” he reached over and hugged me, squeezing the air out of me until all I could do was squeeze him back.
After a bit, I pushed him back to his seat and pointed to him sternly, “You still owe me an explanation as to why you landed yourself in the hospital on a pill overdose,” I reminded him.
“Well, see, that is a REALLY long story…”
I gave him a look, “Then you better get to it, because I don’t have all day.”
He slumped into his seat and started massaging his temples in a steady rhythm that seemed hypnotizing, “Well, a few months ago I got really low, not going to lie- I was a complete low life. I was out every single fucking night getting high and low on everything that I could get my hands on. One night I was driving home all fucked up and I hit a car and I blacked out. I woke up in the hospital with recollection as to what had happened until the nurses filled me in, letting me know that I had been in a car accident. I didn’t even think to ask about the people I’d hit, I was just worried about how fucked up my car was. When I finally found out, I was shocked. I’d killed a woman who was 6 months pregnant. She had no husband, and no known family, it was just her and that baby. I fucking killed a baby man.”
My eyes went wide in complete shock as he started sobbing into his hands, unable to keep speaking. I quickly went over and at next to him, rubbing his back as I handed him a tissue.
He stated again, groggily, “I left the hospital with a fucking broken rib, some stitches, and a slight concussion, and they left this fucking world. I went into a deep depression after that, and started taking pain killers that I’d been prescribed with for my ribs, and I took a lot of them. A month later, I’d gone too far, and that’s how I ended up seeing you again,” once he was finished his face had been nuzzled into my neck as he tried to get his crying under control, and I was holding him comfortingly.
“Gabe, it wasn’t your fault, there has to be a reason that happened. There’s a reason for everything,” I tried to reassure him.
“Well, the reason for this is fucking lost on me,” he said quietly, finally calming down after 15 minutes of uninhibited crying.
He pulled away and leaned against the back of the couch, “You wanna know what my first thought was when I’d woken up in that hospital room and saw you?”
“That you had to be an angel, because anything as perfect as you couldn’t be real. That’s why I think I freaked out last night; I look at you as my angel, my savior, the one thing that can help me get out of this fucking rut. I need you to fix me.”
I sighed and looked at him, “He’s gay, just so you know.”
“Oh,” he said surprised, with sudden regret showing in his eyes.
“I can’t fix you Gabe,” I saw his expression start to change drastically; “All I can do is help you fix yourself Gabe. You can’t change if you don’t really want to.”
“I do. I really honestly do, and if I get you along the way, then that’s just an extra bonus,” he said with that familiar smirk and a wink. It felt like it had been forever since I had last seen that goddamn smirk.
“You will not ‘get me’ Gabe, I am not a possession, I am person,” I reminded him with a huff.
“Fine, you’ll be ‘my person’,” he sassed to me.
I just stuck out my tongue and made a face at him. Before I knew it he’d stuck out his tongue and licked my face.
“Why did you just lick my cheek, you weirdo?!” I cracked up.
“Cause I felt like it,” he told me with a large, goofy grin.
“Weirdo, I’m going to shower, and you can go clean up your cooking mess in the kitchen. Oh, and you might want to put on a shirt, and pants, your morning wood decided to say hi,” I said with a laugh before leaving the room to shower and wake up a bit more.
I’m sure today is going to be on very interesting day.
I can’t wait to tell-
Wait, where the fuck is Jay?