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Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Simply Beautiful

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• Simply Beautiful

  (#) Dragen 2009-08-09

  Great work mate, I hope you do more work like this soon.

• Simply Beautiful

  (#) dennisud 2009-08-09

  Ok better grammar though you still have some word usage mistakes and also IMHO yes they fell head over heels in love but its just too OOC for me to see both of them, harry being so emotionally stunted by living with the Dursley's and Hermione not having any real friends til going to Hogwarts to have them making love so early. This could go on through the 4th year on and I would encourage you to do just that as these two now being together would change things for the 5th,6th,& 7th year.
  Now as for the story line very good and frankly you could have gone another way right when they went to the girls dorm. Again i suggest taking it from that point and doing a multi-chaptered story and gradually build up to that sex scene, maybe at the end of the tournament or even wheN they end up ad #12 Grummauld Place!
  
  dennisud
  

• Simply Beautiful

  (#) drzkings 2009-08-09

  its a good story , a litle rushed but everyone has his\her style on another note the sex scene was good but it's beter wen you vocalize more, in this case harry and hermione , you sould continue through the whole year and more it will give you more practise to continue increasing yor writing skills.
  
  ps. check your gramar

• Simply Beautiful

  (#) Treck 2009-08-10

  A few spelling mistakes and a distinct lack of Ron getting what he needs. (Harry's foot up his ass.) But all in all very well done for a first timer.
  
  Now get to practicing and do another. :-)
  
  

• Simply Beautiful

  (#) Lord_of_Shadows 2009-08-10

  This was pretty damn good for a first shot at fanfiction, far better than my first try at least, which still hasn't been finished and never will be. Honestly, if you put it all together in a single chapter and then went over it with a fine comb (metaphorically speaking of course) then you would have one of the best one-shot H/HR's that I have ever read and I have read so much HP fanfiction that I struggle to find the quality stuff that I haven't read.

• Simply Beautiful

  (#) jchangpa 2011-08-22

  Dr. short story, two excellent chapters, what else could I ask. I really like your story. I hope it was a little longer, I´m looking for a good GOF story with harry and hermione and this one fit well, if you finish it in another site please advise. Thks

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