When Mikey leaves, Gerard has a difficult time moving on.
I’ve missed you, I confessed. Life is just not the same with you missing from the picture. People keep telling me that this gets easier as each day passes, but it seems to get more difficult with each passing minute. Perhaps I’m handling the situation differently than everyone else. Father hasn’t spoken one word about you and Mother has finally stopped weeping when she sets the table for just three. They’ve both moved on rather quickly, in my opinion. I don’t know how they managed to. I can’t seem to move on the least bit. The truth is, moving on frightens me. I don’t want to lose you. Mother and Father lost you long ago. I refuse to do the same.
Do you remember all of the times that I’d come home drunk? You would always stay by my side all through the night, even after I had passed out. Do you remember all of the times that I was afraid? You would always help me overcome my fears, no matter how many sleepless nights it took. Years ago, you promised to get me through anything. And after all of those years, you kept that promise. Even during your last moment, you thought about that promise. You told me that even when you were physically gone, you’d always be in my heart and in my mind, constantly guiding me through life. I wished you had forgotten about that promise during your final moment. It kills me inside that you thought of me.
I never wanted to be your last memory, because even when you thought of me, it wasn’t enough to save you. I will never be able to forgive myself for not saving you.
I should have paid closer attention to you, but I never suspected a thing. You hid this all so well. You even told me that you would see me tomorrow. It was a lie that I believed without thinking much of it.
I gently traced the lettering on your gravestone. I traced your name and your birth date. Never would I trace my brother’s death date. Never would I accept that my little brother committed suicide.
Mikey, I’ll see you tomorrow. You could trust that I would come back. I would never leave you waiting like you left me.