Edited. [[Frerard]] Gerard is on top of the world. His friends can't seem to convince him that the drugs, the booze, and the blade are fiddling with his mind, not fixing it. Is he doomed?
Chapter 1 - Crawling
From all around, fans could see it happen. Gerard Way stumbled away from the crowd, promising to be back. He let the frigid November air bite at his pale skin. The wind blew around his face, causing his coal black hair to fly all over the place. He could not see where he was going, but he did not need to. The aroma was drifting to his nose, even from so far away. Somehow he could hear it calling out to him. It needed him. He needed it. Opposing the loud shouts of his band mates from behind him, he swayed towards the tour bus. It is for the best, he told himself. What he wanted, what the fans wanted, what everyone else wanted was the Gerard on stage; the energetic, charismatic, talented, beautiful lead singer. There was nothing wrong about doing something that made him feel better, more alive.
He pulled open the heavy metal door and fell inside. Unable to carry his own weight, he now began to crawl. He needed to get to his bunk.The closer he got to his destination the harder he panted. Finally, his hand gripped the side of the bed and pulled himself up. His hand fumbled through the bed sheets, until he could feel the pouch he was searching for. The corners of his mouth stretched as he pulled it out into the light. The white crystals glinted through the plastic, smiling back in their own way. He pulled open the Ziploc bag and got ready to feel wonderful. He tilted his head downwards and used his hand to help. He inhaled deeply; a rush of excitement ran though his body already. Oh, the feeling was just amazing. Who cared he messed up the lyrics of the first song? It didn’t matter! This was the only thing he needed. Him and his coke: together forever, making each other happy. He prepared for one more snort, but there was an unfortunate interruption. His acute hearing suddenly picked up the sound of a door being pushed open.
“Gerard?” his name rung out quick and clear throughout the bus.
He cursed underneath his breath and pursed the bag shut. He hurried to hide it before the owner of the voice located him. It seemed hopeless because footsteps were already approaching him. But as soon as a head poked into the room, the pouch was hidden. No one would know about his dirty little secret, at least not tonight. He plastered a smile on his face and turned his head towards the man who had stepped into the room. His hazel eyes met the olive green ones of Frank Iero. A sharp breath was taken in as Frankie approached him. Gerard found the guitarist’s gaze intimidating. Everything in his eyes made up for his height—or lack of it. Gerard felt a bead of sweat trickle down his neck as he continued to grin.
“Gerard...” Frankie shook his head and let out a small sigh.
He would not say anything more, which left the air awkward between them. Gerard found it necessary to switch his weight from foot to foot as he waited for some more words. His happiness was slowly melting away into uneasiness. His friend simply stared up, with mild signs of disappointment. After a few silent minutes, he found himself soaked with guilt in the form of sweat. Frank finally seemed to be satisfied; his goal of making Gerard feel uncomfortable, accomplished.
“Gee, I don’t know what the hell is going on with you... but I know you were doing something right now. Are you gonna tell me about it?”
Gerard stared blankly at the shorter man. He found Frankie very attractive. He looked over the features that he loved so much; the strong jaw, the adorable little nose, the green eyes, the perfectly toned arms, the lean figure; oh it was all so beautiful! Gerard hated to ever let Frank down. But his secret was just way too huge. Frank would probably freak out and tell their band manager. And then, his precious drug would be taken away. So he looked downwards and shook his head.
Frank sighed again, “All right...then let’s go outside. The fans are probably getting impatient...” he started to walk towards the exit of the bus.
Gerard followed without a word. The two of them stepped back out into the chill. High-pitched screams greeted their ears, coming from girls barely out of their training bras. Gerard faked a grin and gave them a small wave.
Frank turned around to face Gerard, seeing this fraud gesture “Gee, be careful, okay? Don’t do anything you’re gonna regret later. They need you.”
Gerard continued to smile, but spoke through his teeth “I won’t regret it.”
Before Frank could verbalize any other concerns he had, Gerard grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him on the lips. The fans screamed louder, loving the moment. Frank was the one who pulled away. He gave Gerard a small, troubled look and marched back to the table, behind which the other band members sat. Gerard stared after him and then proceeded to follow him with a quickened pace. The brief discomfort he had felt earlier was probably just a short side effect. His energy was back.