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A teenager trying to find out who she is and who her mother is...written for my creative writing class! first play! please read and review!
- "Impotent" means suffering from erectile dysfunction. I think she means to say "important." This could use a good read-over for problems that slip past spellchecker.
What exactly is a "regular party"? And if this is ever to be performed, you won't want anyone to have to read out that "A" is a hitman. You must either show us that he is or somehow work it into the dialogue.
Well THAT was different. Maybe when Luella has her soliloquy, you should allude to her hooking up with a no-goodnik.
You know what might spiff this up? Formal playwrighting format. InuKag uses it here: http://www.ficwad.com/viewstory.php?sid=12083
Author's responsewell this was a rough draft...and A happens to have a name in the end.
(#) Cherry 2006-05-20 05:30:54 PMI'm a critic. Don't take it personally.
Unique story idea. I can see it going places, if you had an editor or beta work on it a bit. The dialog is unrealistic and poorly written, though. Some of the situations don't even make sence. Your characters are underdeveloped, and it doesn't read well. Warm up to the plot a bit at the beginning, so the audience knows what's going on. Don't incluce so much in your Q's, such as "happened to be late," because the audience doesn't see what's written there, so it's posted more like a story. Have you ever even read a play? Also, say the lines out loud to yourself to see if they sound right in the context of the play. Just ask someone to read through it before it's posted, at least.
Author's responseThanks for the critic, I'll take good notes on this if I ever do write another play ;)