Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > R.I.P.
Chapter 8
7 ReviewsGerard opens up to Callie...
Chapter 8
Your excitement is what drives me to write faster! Haha Extremely mild sexual situations ahead. Just a little making out really. It’s a heavy chapter though. Just little warnings.
Callie got dunked under the water and as she burst back up through the surface, she flipped her wet hair over her head and smoothed it back behind her. She hoped Gerard was watching as she tried to mimic every actress that had ever been wet on screen. Out of the corner of her eye as she cleared her vision from the chlorine’s sting, she could see the interest Gerard was hoping to hide.
“Sorry, Callie,” Mikey giggled. “We got a little carried away.”
She shook her head, knocking some of the water out of her ear as she smiled. “It’s okay. Boys will be boys. You’re all just card-carrying members of the Cock Union,” Callie said, laughing it off.
Gerard felt his body react to that dirty little word on Callie’s sultry lips. It was the first movement of his body in hours that did not hurt him. If it were not for the pain that racked his body, he would be in that warm water with her just then. That was typical for Gerard though; a series of missed opportunities from the sidelines of life as he watched others enjoy what he could not have himself. It was the story of his life and he feared the end would come far too soon.
Callie pulled herself up over the wall of the pool and smiled as her nimble body lifted into the air. There had been stairs on the other side of the pool but Callie had wanted to challenge herself and see if she could climb out. It had been a long time since she had done anything for herself, much less anything strenuous, but she had passed her own little test with flying colors and ease. She felt victorious as she stretched her muscles in the open air and then embarrassed as she caught sight of Gerard’s approving watchful eye.
He grinned and sat forward on the chaise, putting his feet on the ground, straddling either side of it as he held the towel up like a wall in front of himself. Callie scurried through the chilly air the warm water had left her to as she sat down in front of Gerard with her back to him. He folded both the towel and his arms around her, pulling her back to his chest as he lay on the chaise and brought his feet back up on the sides of her bare legs. It felt wonderful to hold someone like that but it felt amazing to know it was Callie. Gerard smiled in her ear as he tucked his chin over her shoulder, warming her up inside the towel. He could not see her face, but he hoped she was smiling too. They watched Frank and Mikey in the pool as the splash war finally came to a head.
The boys faced off, leaving the form of fighting behind for a more challenging wrestle instead. It was a show of playful dominance as well as personal stamina. They wrestled because, like Callie’s driving incentive, they simply felt good enough to do it. They continued because the wet-skinned contact was too enticing to break free from.
Finally Frank dunked Mikey under the water, knowing the boy’s height was no match for his muscle. While Mikey was under the water though, he grabbed hold of Frank’s swim trunks and tried to pull them down in distraction. Frank’s eyes opened wide as he released Mikey’s head under the water and gripped the top of his shorts just as the smooth ridge of his hip bones felt the water against his revealed skin.
Mikey’s head popped out of the water with a smile as Frank laughed, “Cheap shot!”
The boy grinned. “Cheap? I found it enriching from my view.”
“Enriching?” Frank smiled. “Big word, Mikey.”
He smirked back, “Speaking of big…” They both laughed but Frank was blushing. Mikey shrugged off his pun and frowned. “I lost I guess. I was trying to get your shorts down,” he grinned.
Frank nodded. “Yeah. But that’s not why you lost. You lost cause you let your guard down.”
“When?” he wondered.
Frank pushed Mikey up against the side of the pool, pinning him to the wall with his body. “Just now,” he smirked. He kissed Mikey hard on the lips, slightly aroused by the friction the boy had created in sliding his shorts down against him when they were in the open water. Now with him pinned against the wall and pressed to Frank’s body, the friction increased in glorious ways. Gone was the taste of buttered cinnamon apples Frank had once tasted on Mikey’s tongue. There was a chlorine flavor the pool had left behind when Mikey had gulped some of the water going under. He was still warm and sweet though and Frank began to wonder how an entire day had passed without their lips touching since the last time.
Mikey’s hands roamed over Frank’s wet back, feeling across his warm skin and wiping away the water that dripped off Frank’s hair. His body was strong and smooth, colorful with all its tattooed pictures and Mikey wanted to lie in bed with him for hours hearing about the stories that went along with them and making up some of his own. He could see it all, even with his eyes closed.
Gerard wrinkled his nose, “Enough PDA for me. Let’s go,” he said, nudging Callie.
She smiled at him as she stood up, keeping the towel wrapped around her shoulders. “I thought you said you were okay with this?” she asked curiously.
He nodded. “With them? Sure. It’s still a little weird to me, but fine. Okay with watching them though?” he laughed. “No way!”
As an only child, Callie could only imagine how awkward that must be. She assumed it would most likely be almost as uncomfortable for Gerard to watch his brother make out with a girl. They were close, but they were still brothers. Callie admired the relationship the boys had though and she told him that on their way upstairs.
“It must be great having a brother,” she smiled, shivering in the cold as Gerard rubbed her shoulders to warm the towel over her as they walked through the hall towards her room. “To have someone to share things with seems like a wonderful gift. I mean, you’ve lost your mother but you still have family in each other; the same memories to recall together,” she smiled. “It’s a blessing.” Callie shook her head, little droplets spraying Gerard from her long wet hair as she sat down on her bed.
Gerard nodded, moving to her dresser and picking up her comb as he returned to sit behind her. “I love him,” he shrugged. “Any way he is. I love the kid.”
She blushed as Gerard began combing her wet hair and she felt so close to him in his comfortable ease with her. She felt the same way, which was hard for her as she had not been exposed to many friends in her short lifetime. Callie smiled, “There’ve been so many times I wished I could say to someone, ‘remember that time…’ or ‘you just sounded exactly like mom when you said that’,” she laughed. “I never had a sibling to look out for, or one to look out for me.”
“Mikey’s great,” he smiled. “I was only two when mom brought him home from the hospital…but it’s the first memory I have,” he beamed. “I’m grateful for that. It would be horrible to only have the memories of him coming home from the hospital when he had been sick,” Gerard sighed. “But that first one…” he smiled again. “In that first one he was small and pink and wrinkled,” he laughed. “He was healthy and perfect.” Gerard became quiet. “There were times I wondered if maybe my mom loved him more than me.” He shrugged. “Kid stuff I guess. The sibling rivalry of jealousy and all that. But I couldn’t help but wonder if…if she had Mikey to make up for getting roped with a sick kid,” he sighed. “I wonder if maybe she thought she and my dad could do it right if they had another baby; to replace the one they knew they would lose. Maybe he would be healthy and they could raise him into a man like every other parent in the world.” Gerard bit his lip. “I felt awful for thinking that about them; about him. I felt terrible for resenting him too…but I still did…for a while…until he got sick almost right away. But I felt worse when I realized the disappointment my parents must have felt when Mikey got sick too,” he frowned. “They must have felt as cursed as we did. You must think I’m an awful person,” he whispered behind her.
Callie felt honored that Gerard was opening up to her like that. She wanted him to know he could tell her anything. “I don’t think that at all,” she told him. “Whatever secrets you have inside you…you can share them with me, Gerard,” Callie said, turning her head back over her shoulder so he could see the truth in her eyes. She turned her back to him again, giving him the privacy of an opportunity to open up more.
It felt good to talk about things he had never before opened up about. Gerard and Mikey had always been one another’s sounding boards, bouncing their innermost thoughts off each other. But there were some things, like those, he could not tell his brother. It would destroy him and Gerard could not be responsible for that. He could talk to Callie though. She was a good listener and she had not judged him yet. He wondered if that would change after he opened up more. Gerard nervously tested the limit.
“Mikey never knew why our dad took off,” he said quietly, pulling the comb through Callie’s wet tangles as he watched them straighten softly. “Our mom never told us either. But the night he left…he told me.” Gerard remembered it so clearly and it still hurt just as much as it did that night. “He came into my room and closed the door to the bathroom that connected my room and Mikey’s, where my brother was hunched over the toilet, our mother at his side. It was the middle of the night and he sat with me there in the dark for the longest time. Finally he told me that he had to go. He just couldn’t take it anymore; watching his boys get sicker every day; our mom ignoring him to be with us; the hospital bills mounting with no sign of relief or cure. He said he couldn’t save us…but he couldn’t watch us die either,” Gerard whispered, hearing his father’s voice in his memory. “He told me to take good care of Mikey and our mom, watch out for them for as long as I could.” Gerard took a deeply painful breath. “He told me that even if I didn’t grow up to be a man…I was now the man of the family.” He closed his eyes and shook away the voice in his head. “I was ten,” his lip trembled.
“My God,” Callie sighed softly, feeling his pain.
He breathed slowly and deeply. “I made a bad situation worse though. When Mikey asked why he had left…I blamed it on our mom. I told him it was because dad was jealous of her love for us. And it was partially true. But it wasn’t the whole truth,” he shook his head. “I was so afraid the truth would kill Mikey faster than our disease. The real truth was…our dad was tired and he didn’t have it in him to take care of us anymore. So he left our world before we could leave his.” Gerard combed Callie’s hair, hypnotized by the repetitive motions. “I blamed our mom, who had done nothing but love us,” he winced. “And I made him blame her too…even though he said he didn’t.”
It broke Callie’s heart to think of the things the little boy Gerard had once been had carried all these years. It made sense that he did not let himself get close to anyone. One of the first people in his life that he trusted had abandoned him. Then his mother died and he was slowly losing his brother too. Her heart ached for Gerard and Mikey. There was no self pity for herself, having the same disease. At least she had good memories. Gerard had been forced to make up his own.
She tried to make him feel better in any small way she could. “It’s such an amazing thing for you two to have each other though,” Callie said quietly. “You still have each other. I hope you appreciate that if nothing else,” she said softly.
Gerard stilled his hand, the comb half way through her hair. “It’s wonderful,” he nodded, continuing as his hand smoothed down her hair behind its path. “We’ve had each other through everything and we’re the only ones who can really understand the things we’ve gone through. Having a brother is like seeing your heart outside of yourself,” he smiled. “It’s amazing and I wouldn’t trade Mikey for the world. I’d rather have half a life with him…than a whole life without him.” He frowned, “It’s got its drawbacks too though.”
She grinned, assuming he was referring to their earlier argument. “Brothers are supposed to fight, Gerard. It’s perfectly natural.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “But I don’t mean that. And anyway, Mikey and I fight sometimes but it’s always over by the time the words stop flinging back and forth. We can’t stay mad at each other. Not just because we don’t want to, even though we don’t. But because if we let the sun go down on an argument…it’s possible only one of us will wake up to regret it.”
She nodded at the painful truth. “Oh,” Callie said, dismissing her assumption. “So what did you mean then?”
Gerard sighed, glad he was behind her as he brushed her hair and not in front of her where he would be even more vulnerable than he already felt. “It’s just…I don’t know,” he shook his head.
“Yes you do,” Callie said quietly. “Tell me.”
There was a small part of him that made Gerard smile at her gentle prod. Callie was not about to let him get away without saying what was on his mind and letting her in on it. She wanted to know him. And Gerard found, he wanted to be known. So he continued, no matter how vulnerable it made him.
“Well…what happens if I die first? I’ve had this disease longer than he has,” he reasoned, slowing his hand to work out a knotted tangle in Callie’s wet hair with his nervous fingers. “What if…what if Mikey has to go on without me…and he lives for a long time?” Gerard closed his eyes and blinked back his painful tears, refusing to let them fall whether she could see him or not. “How is he going to live through that birthday…the one when he becomes older than his big brother?” Gerard whispered. “He would have been better off without me than to lose me.”
It all made sense now. Callie had never imagined the possibility of Mikey outliving his older brother and taking his place in that way. It was hard for her to be an only child. Callie could not fathom actually having a sibling first and then becoming an only child. It was heart-wrenching to even think about. She did not want to think about Gerard being gone for that scenario to play out either. He was too real, there, combing her hair for her. Callie felt a ball in the pit of her stomach as she imagined him disappearing and being alone in that room; in that world.
Callie turned around suddenly, the comb pulling out of her hair as she ignored the yank of it. She faced Gerard with wide open eyes that refused to blink and spare a single moment when she could be making a memory of him. She cupped his face, feeling across his cheek as Gerard closed his eyes.
“Don’t,” he whispered.
She could barely form a word past the lump that had risen from her stomach to her throat. “Don’t what?” she asked softly.
Gerard opened his eyes. “Don’t look at me the way I see myself.”
“How am I looking at you?” she asked, her hand still soft on his cheek.
He sighed and closed his eyes again. “Like the ghost we both know I’m becoming.”
Callie withdrew her hand slowly, taken aback by the statement she neither believed nor understood. “Gerard,” she smiled, cupping both sides of his face. “I don’t see the ghost you see in the mirror. I see a handsome boy with a heart that’s stronger than his body,” she smiled, absolutely in awe of him and meaning every word. She let her hands slip down from his face so she could take him all in. “I see someone who’s still fighting even though life is giving up on him. You’re still here, Gerard.” She put her hand over his heart, feeling him. “I feel your heart beating. You’re alive in this moment… right here with me.”
He had to smile back at her. This beautiful creature was staring at him like a work of Art; an Adonis. He was pale as a statue but she seemed to see straight through to the blushing boy trapped inside. “You think I’m handsome?” Gerard grinned as he placed his hand over hers across his heart.
Callie laughed and slipped her hand out from underneath his. “That’s what you took away from everything I just said?” she giggled incredulously.
Gerard shrugged. “I’m not dead yet,” he smirked. “My hormones are in perfect working order,” he shined.
Callie’s giggle elated him, bringing him back to life from the throes of pain that were slowly receding from his body. He tucked a long wet strand of blonde hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek as she had done for him; letting her know he was indeed alive and there with her.
Their smiles faded as they stared into one another’s eyes; eyes that were still healthy-looking and reflecting their own images back to one another. They both felt the moment as it changed between them, drawing them into one another to be closer; to make that moment permanent by solidifying it in some way. Gerard leaned in, gently inviting her closer, guiding her in as they came to share the same space. He waited until their lips were nearly touching before finally closing his eyes and letting himself feel her with his kiss. Their lips pressed softly together, light as the touch of a butterfly’s wings on a warm summer day.
Gerard wrapped his hand behind Callie’s neck, pulling her into his kiss and needing her to be there even more than she was. He wanted to feel the hard press of those soft tender lips against his so he could accept what his heart was still trying to believe. There was no pity in that kiss and no fear for how long it might last between them. They had the moment they were in and it was more than enough so long as they were sharing it together.
Callie melted into Gerard’s warm kiss, his tongue licking at the crease of her pressed lips against his. She parted her lips, letting him inside, to know her in a way she had never allowed anyone before. Every romance novel and journal entry that followed her dreams paled in comparison to that sweet kiss. Is this what she had missing all her life? Yes. This was what even the greatest Authors of time could not describe. It was greater than any word in the English language Callie had cluttered her head with all those years trying to write. It was too real to be captured with such simplistic definition and too explosive to be defined by words. Callie had been close to death many times but never so close to Heaven.
She reached for him, wanting to touch Gerard so he could be felt by the blissful beauty she was in. Callie slid her fingers through the silken dark hair that fell over his soft ear as she cupped it. He tasted of the sweetest fruit that had never been grown and could only exist in the Garden of Eden.
Gerard deepened their kiss, euphoric in knowing that not only was Callie there on the other side of his touch, but she was wanting him as he wanted her. And oh how he wanted her! Given more strength he would have folded her backward onto the mattress and gently laid her down as he pressed over top of her. He would feel his way over her supple body and part her legs with his body between them. The very thought of filling Callie to a point where she could feel no pain, but only bliss, had Gerard’s mind in a spin. Yet the amazing kiss between them was more than enough and he was lost in it with desire for no more than he had of her at that very moment.
Callie gently drew back, their kiss dissolving between them as they stared into each other’s eyes. The shared savory taste still lingered on their lips as proof that it had indeed been real. A paralleled smile formed between them as they leaned in for one more kiss. It was a short kiss that somehow still passed a million emotions from the boy to the girl and back again. It was the simple seal of promise they made to one another; you are not alone…because I am with you.
Carrie stepped into the office on the third floor, smiling at Dr. Bishop as he watched the monitor. “How are our little seedlings growing?” she asked, sitting on the corner of his desk.
He grinned and turned the monitor so she could see the couple’s, on the split screen, embrace as they leaned in to hold one another. “Never underestimate the nature of young love,” he smiled. “You can take away the sun and it will still find a way to grow.”
“That’s nice,” Carrie said absently, looking over the doctor’s notes. “I think we should increase their dosages though.”
He furrowed his brow at her. “Why? They’re responding so well.”
She shrugged. “Exactly. How are we supposed to be objective when the results are so positive? You’re not pushing them hard enough,” Carrie scolded. She took on a more respective tone at the stern look in his reaction. “If we’re going to see whether or not they break…we need to give them a push that makes them bend,” she reasoned.
“It’s too soon,” Dr. Bishop said, shaking his head.
Carrie sighed. “This disease destroys people too soon. We’ve all lost the people we love too soon because of it and I want to why!” she snapped. “I want results!”
“In time,” he soothed gently, patting her knee. “We need to let this run its course if we’re ever going to know whether or not they can survive it. It’s as much about the test as it is the results, Carrie. Science is about making the hard decisions and then watching them play out with evidence.”
Carrie groaned and slid off the desk heading for the door she knew she would slam on her way out. Before she left though, Carrie had one more thing to say. “I just hope you’re not going soft just because Science has left the equation.” She shook her head in frustration. “They already think they’re dying, Grandpa. What more do you want before we get to the real experiment?”
He nodded softly, knowing his Granddaughter was right. He was wasting time they did not know they had. It was time to explore the real questions and finally get their answers. “Alright,” he nodded. “We’ll increase the dosages and see how they cope.”
She smiled, pleased, collecting herself again. “And then we’ll make them choose,” she said darkly. Carrie stared back at the monitor that showed the couplings on each floor below them. “I wonder which of them will break…and why.”
Dr. Bishop stared at the living pictures on the screen. “Won’t that be interesting to study,” he mused.
“They don’t seem as strong as me,” she said flatly.
As Carrie turned to leave he offered, “Whatever they choose though…it won’t bring her back.”
Carrie paused by the door she no longer wanted to slam. “Just get me answers,” she said softly. “I’ve waited long enough.”
“And if none of them choose as you did?” he wondered.
She kept her back to him, Carrie’s hand gripping the handle on the door, tightening around it as her anger boiled at the thought of having to start over. “Then they can rot in the ground like the others,” she spat, resuming her original need to slam the door behind her.
Ahhhhh! Okay, so let’s recap here. Carrie is Dr. Bishop’s Granddaughter and they have lost someone to the same disease the teenagers have fallen victim to. But what is the disease and how does it allow them a choice? Why have they convinced these kids that they’re dying when they’re not?? What is this project really about? I’ve given you more than a few things to think about and yet left you with even more questions than before! Don’t you love the asinine evil of it all? Haha No? Well than stick around to find out more!! Xoxo Harley
Your excitement is what drives me to write faster! Haha Extremely mild sexual situations ahead. Just a little making out really. It’s a heavy chapter though. Just little warnings.
Callie got dunked under the water and as she burst back up through the surface, she flipped her wet hair over her head and smoothed it back behind her. She hoped Gerard was watching as she tried to mimic every actress that had ever been wet on screen. Out of the corner of her eye as she cleared her vision from the chlorine’s sting, she could see the interest Gerard was hoping to hide.
“Sorry, Callie,” Mikey giggled. “We got a little carried away.”
She shook her head, knocking some of the water out of her ear as she smiled. “It’s okay. Boys will be boys. You’re all just card-carrying members of the Cock Union,” Callie said, laughing it off.
Gerard felt his body react to that dirty little word on Callie’s sultry lips. It was the first movement of his body in hours that did not hurt him. If it were not for the pain that racked his body, he would be in that warm water with her just then. That was typical for Gerard though; a series of missed opportunities from the sidelines of life as he watched others enjoy what he could not have himself. It was the story of his life and he feared the end would come far too soon.
Callie pulled herself up over the wall of the pool and smiled as her nimble body lifted into the air. There had been stairs on the other side of the pool but Callie had wanted to challenge herself and see if she could climb out. It had been a long time since she had done anything for herself, much less anything strenuous, but she had passed her own little test with flying colors and ease. She felt victorious as she stretched her muscles in the open air and then embarrassed as she caught sight of Gerard’s approving watchful eye.
He grinned and sat forward on the chaise, putting his feet on the ground, straddling either side of it as he held the towel up like a wall in front of himself. Callie scurried through the chilly air the warm water had left her to as she sat down in front of Gerard with her back to him. He folded both the towel and his arms around her, pulling her back to his chest as he lay on the chaise and brought his feet back up on the sides of her bare legs. It felt wonderful to hold someone like that but it felt amazing to know it was Callie. Gerard smiled in her ear as he tucked his chin over her shoulder, warming her up inside the towel. He could not see her face, but he hoped she was smiling too. They watched Frank and Mikey in the pool as the splash war finally came to a head.
The boys faced off, leaving the form of fighting behind for a more challenging wrestle instead. It was a show of playful dominance as well as personal stamina. They wrestled because, like Callie’s driving incentive, they simply felt good enough to do it. They continued because the wet-skinned contact was too enticing to break free from.
Finally Frank dunked Mikey under the water, knowing the boy’s height was no match for his muscle. While Mikey was under the water though, he grabbed hold of Frank’s swim trunks and tried to pull them down in distraction. Frank’s eyes opened wide as he released Mikey’s head under the water and gripped the top of his shorts just as the smooth ridge of his hip bones felt the water against his revealed skin.
Mikey’s head popped out of the water with a smile as Frank laughed, “Cheap shot!”
The boy grinned. “Cheap? I found it enriching from my view.”
“Enriching?” Frank smiled. “Big word, Mikey.”
He smirked back, “Speaking of big…” They both laughed but Frank was blushing. Mikey shrugged off his pun and frowned. “I lost I guess. I was trying to get your shorts down,” he grinned.
Frank nodded. “Yeah. But that’s not why you lost. You lost cause you let your guard down.”
“When?” he wondered.
Frank pushed Mikey up against the side of the pool, pinning him to the wall with his body. “Just now,” he smirked. He kissed Mikey hard on the lips, slightly aroused by the friction the boy had created in sliding his shorts down against him when they were in the open water. Now with him pinned against the wall and pressed to Frank’s body, the friction increased in glorious ways. Gone was the taste of buttered cinnamon apples Frank had once tasted on Mikey’s tongue. There was a chlorine flavor the pool had left behind when Mikey had gulped some of the water going under. He was still warm and sweet though and Frank began to wonder how an entire day had passed without their lips touching since the last time.
Mikey’s hands roamed over Frank’s wet back, feeling across his warm skin and wiping away the water that dripped off Frank’s hair. His body was strong and smooth, colorful with all its tattooed pictures and Mikey wanted to lie in bed with him for hours hearing about the stories that went along with them and making up some of his own. He could see it all, even with his eyes closed.
Gerard wrinkled his nose, “Enough PDA for me. Let’s go,” he said, nudging Callie.
She smiled at him as she stood up, keeping the towel wrapped around her shoulders. “I thought you said you were okay with this?” she asked curiously.
He nodded. “With them? Sure. It’s still a little weird to me, but fine. Okay with watching them though?” he laughed. “No way!”
As an only child, Callie could only imagine how awkward that must be. She assumed it would most likely be almost as uncomfortable for Gerard to watch his brother make out with a girl. They were close, but they were still brothers. Callie admired the relationship the boys had though and she told him that on their way upstairs.
“It must be great having a brother,” she smiled, shivering in the cold as Gerard rubbed her shoulders to warm the towel over her as they walked through the hall towards her room. “To have someone to share things with seems like a wonderful gift. I mean, you’ve lost your mother but you still have family in each other; the same memories to recall together,” she smiled. “It’s a blessing.” Callie shook her head, little droplets spraying Gerard from her long wet hair as she sat down on her bed.
Gerard nodded, moving to her dresser and picking up her comb as he returned to sit behind her. “I love him,” he shrugged. “Any way he is. I love the kid.”
She blushed as Gerard began combing her wet hair and she felt so close to him in his comfortable ease with her. She felt the same way, which was hard for her as she had not been exposed to many friends in her short lifetime. Callie smiled, “There’ve been so many times I wished I could say to someone, ‘remember that time…’ or ‘you just sounded exactly like mom when you said that’,” she laughed. “I never had a sibling to look out for, or one to look out for me.”
“Mikey’s great,” he smiled. “I was only two when mom brought him home from the hospital…but it’s the first memory I have,” he beamed. “I’m grateful for that. It would be horrible to only have the memories of him coming home from the hospital when he had been sick,” Gerard sighed. “But that first one…” he smiled again. “In that first one he was small and pink and wrinkled,” he laughed. “He was healthy and perfect.” Gerard became quiet. “There were times I wondered if maybe my mom loved him more than me.” He shrugged. “Kid stuff I guess. The sibling rivalry of jealousy and all that. But I couldn’t help but wonder if…if she had Mikey to make up for getting roped with a sick kid,” he sighed. “I wonder if maybe she thought she and my dad could do it right if they had another baby; to replace the one they knew they would lose. Maybe he would be healthy and they could raise him into a man like every other parent in the world.” Gerard bit his lip. “I felt awful for thinking that about them; about him. I felt terrible for resenting him too…but I still did…for a while…until he got sick almost right away. But I felt worse when I realized the disappointment my parents must have felt when Mikey got sick too,” he frowned. “They must have felt as cursed as we did. You must think I’m an awful person,” he whispered behind her.
Callie felt honored that Gerard was opening up to her like that. She wanted him to know he could tell her anything. “I don’t think that at all,” she told him. “Whatever secrets you have inside you…you can share them with me, Gerard,” Callie said, turning her head back over her shoulder so he could see the truth in her eyes. She turned her back to him again, giving him the privacy of an opportunity to open up more.
It felt good to talk about things he had never before opened up about. Gerard and Mikey had always been one another’s sounding boards, bouncing their innermost thoughts off each other. But there were some things, like those, he could not tell his brother. It would destroy him and Gerard could not be responsible for that. He could talk to Callie though. She was a good listener and she had not judged him yet. He wondered if that would change after he opened up more. Gerard nervously tested the limit.
“Mikey never knew why our dad took off,” he said quietly, pulling the comb through Callie’s wet tangles as he watched them straighten softly. “Our mom never told us either. But the night he left…he told me.” Gerard remembered it so clearly and it still hurt just as much as it did that night. “He came into my room and closed the door to the bathroom that connected my room and Mikey’s, where my brother was hunched over the toilet, our mother at his side. It was the middle of the night and he sat with me there in the dark for the longest time. Finally he told me that he had to go. He just couldn’t take it anymore; watching his boys get sicker every day; our mom ignoring him to be with us; the hospital bills mounting with no sign of relief or cure. He said he couldn’t save us…but he couldn’t watch us die either,” Gerard whispered, hearing his father’s voice in his memory. “He told me to take good care of Mikey and our mom, watch out for them for as long as I could.” Gerard took a deeply painful breath. “He told me that even if I didn’t grow up to be a man…I was now the man of the family.” He closed his eyes and shook away the voice in his head. “I was ten,” his lip trembled.
“My God,” Callie sighed softly, feeling his pain.
He breathed slowly and deeply. “I made a bad situation worse though. When Mikey asked why he had left…I blamed it on our mom. I told him it was because dad was jealous of her love for us. And it was partially true. But it wasn’t the whole truth,” he shook his head. “I was so afraid the truth would kill Mikey faster than our disease. The real truth was…our dad was tired and he didn’t have it in him to take care of us anymore. So he left our world before we could leave his.” Gerard combed Callie’s hair, hypnotized by the repetitive motions. “I blamed our mom, who had done nothing but love us,” he winced. “And I made him blame her too…even though he said he didn’t.”
It broke Callie’s heart to think of the things the little boy Gerard had once been had carried all these years. It made sense that he did not let himself get close to anyone. One of the first people in his life that he trusted had abandoned him. Then his mother died and he was slowly losing his brother too. Her heart ached for Gerard and Mikey. There was no self pity for herself, having the same disease. At least she had good memories. Gerard had been forced to make up his own.
She tried to make him feel better in any small way she could. “It’s such an amazing thing for you two to have each other though,” Callie said quietly. “You still have each other. I hope you appreciate that if nothing else,” she said softly.
Gerard stilled his hand, the comb half way through her hair. “It’s wonderful,” he nodded, continuing as his hand smoothed down her hair behind its path. “We’ve had each other through everything and we’re the only ones who can really understand the things we’ve gone through. Having a brother is like seeing your heart outside of yourself,” he smiled. “It’s amazing and I wouldn’t trade Mikey for the world. I’d rather have half a life with him…than a whole life without him.” He frowned, “It’s got its drawbacks too though.”
She grinned, assuming he was referring to their earlier argument. “Brothers are supposed to fight, Gerard. It’s perfectly natural.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “But I don’t mean that. And anyway, Mikey and I fight sometimes but it’s always over by the time the words stop flinging back and forth. We can’t stay mad at each other. Not just because we don’t want to, even though we don’t. But because if we let the sun go down on an argument…it’s possible only one of us will wake up to regret it.”
She nodded at the painful truth. “Oh,” Callie said, dismissing her assumption. “So what did you mean then?”
Gerard sighed, glad he was behind her as he brushed her hair and not in front of her where he would be even more vulnerable than he already felt. “It’s just…I don’t know,” he shook his head.
“Yes you do,” Callie said quietly. “Tell me.”
There was a small part of him that made Gerard smile at her gentle prod. Callie was not about to let him get away without saying what was on his mind and letting her in on it. She wanted to know him. And Gerard found, he wanted to be known. So he continued, no matter how vulnerable it made him.
“Well…what happens if I die first? I’ve had this disease longer than he has,” he reasoned, slowing his hand to work out a knotted tangle in Callie’s wet hair with his nervous fingers. “What if…what if Mikey has to go on without me…and he lives for a long time?” Gerard closed his eyes and blinked back his painful tears, refusing to let them fall whether she could see him or not. “How is he going to live through that birthday…the one when he becomes older than his big brother?” Gerard whispered. “He would have been better off without me than to lose me.”
It all made sense now. Callie had never imagined the possibility of Mikey outliving his older brother and taking his place in that way. It was hard for her to be an only child. Callie could not fathom actually having a sibling first and then becoming an only child. It was heart-wrenching to even think about. She did not want to think about Gerard being gone for that scenario to play out either. He was too real, there, combing her hair for her. Callie felt a ball in the pit of her stomach as she imagined him disappearing and being alone in that room; in that world.
Callie turned around suddenly, the comb pulling out of her hair as she ignored the yank of it. She faced Gerard with wide open eyes that refused to blink and spare a single moment when she could be making a memory of him. She cupped his face, feeling across his cheek as Gerard closed his eyes.
“Don’t,” he whispered.
She could barely form a word past the lump that had risen from her stomach to her throat. “Don’t what?” she asked softly.
Gerard opened his eyes. “Don’t look at me the way I see myself.”
“How am I looking at you?” she asked, her hand still soft on his cheek.
He sighed and closed his eyes again. “Like the ghost we both know I’m becoming.”
Callie withdrew her hand slowly, taken aback by the statement she neither believed nor understood. “Gerard,” she smiled, cupping both sides of his face. “I don’t see the ghost you see in the mirror. I see a handsome boy with a heart that’s stronger than his body,” she smiled, absolutely in awe of him and meaning every word. She let her hands slip down from his face so she could take him all in. “I see someone who’s still fighting even though life is giving up on him. You’re still here, Gerard.” She put her hand over his heart, feeling him. “I feel your heart beating. You’re alive in this moment… right here with me.”
He had to smile back at her. This beautiful creature was staring at him like a work of Art; an Adonis. He was pale as a statue but she seemed to see straight through to the blushing boy trapped inside. “You think I’m handsome?” Gerard grinned as he placed his hand over hers across his heart.
Callie laughed and slipped her hand out from underneath his. “That’s what you took away from everything I just said?” she giggled incredulously.
Gerard shrugged. “I’m not dead yet,” he smirked. “My hormones are in perfect working order,” he shined.
Callie’s giggle elated him, bringing him back to life from the throes of pain that were slowly receding from his body. He tucked a long wet strand of blonde hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek as she had done for him; letting her know he was indeed alive and there with her.
Their smiles faded as they stared into one another’s eyes; eyes that were still healthy-looking and reflecting their own images back to one another. They both felt the moment as it changed between them, drawing them into one another to be closer; to make that moment permanent by solidifying it in some way. Gerard leaned in, gently inviting her closer, guiding her in as they came to share the same space. He waited until their lips were nearly touching before finally closing his eyes and letting himself feel her with his kiss. Their lips pressed softly together, light as the touch of a butterfly’s wings on a warm summer day.
Gerard wrapped his hand behind Callie’s neck, pulling her into his kiss and needing her to be there even more than she was. He wanted to feel the hard press of those soft tender lips against his so he could accept what his heart was still trying to believe. There was no pity in that kiss and no fear for how long it might last between them. They had the moment they were in and it was more than enough so long as they were sharing it together.
Callie melted into Gerard’s warm kiss, his tongue licking at the crease of her pressed lips against his. She parted her lips, letting him inside, to know her in a way she had never allowed anyone before. Every romance novel and journal entry that followed her dreams paled in comparison to that sweet kiss. Is this what she had missing all her life? Yes. This was what even the greatest Authors of time could not describe. It was greater than any word in the English language Callie had cluttered her head with all those years trying to write. It was too real to be captured with such simplistic definition and too explosive to be defined by words. Callie had been close to death many times but never so close to Heaven.
She reached for him, wanting to touch Gerard so he could be felt by the blissful beauty she was in. Callie slid her fingers through the silken dark hair that fell over his soft ear as she cupped it. He tasted of the sweetest fruit that had never been grown and could only exist in the Garden of Eden.
Gerard deepened their kiss, euphoric in knowing that not only was Callie there on the other side of his touch, but she was wanting him as he wanted her. And oh how he wanted her! Given more strength he would have folded her backward onto the mattress and gently laid her down as he pressed over top of her. He would feel his way over her supple body and part her legs with his body between them. The very thought of filling Callie to a point where she could feel no pain, but only bliss, had Gerard’s mind in a spin. Yet the amazing kiss between them was more than enough and he was lost in it with desire for no more than he had of her at that very moment.
Callie gently drew back, their kiss dissolving between them as they stared into each other’s eyes. The shared savory taste still lingered on their lips as proof that it had indeed been real. A paralleled smile formed between them as they leaned in for one more kiss. It was a short kiss that somehow still passed a million emotions from the boy to the girl and back again. It was the simple seal of promise they made to one another; you are not alone…because I am with you.
Carrie stepped into the office on the third floor, smiling at Dr. Bishop as he watched the monitor. “How are our little seedlings growing?” she asked, sitting on the corner of his desk.
He grinned and turned the monitor so she could see the couple’s, on the split screen, embrace as they leaned in to hold one another. “Never underestimate the nature of young love,” he smiled. “You can take away the sun and it will still find a way to grow.”
“That’s nice,” Carrie said absently, looking over the doctor’s notes. “I think we should increase their dosages though.”
He furrowed his brow at her. “Why? They’re responding so well.”
She shrugged. “Exactly. How are we supposed to be objective when the results are so positive? You’re not pushing them hard enough,” Carrie scolded. She took on a more respective tone at the stern look in his reaction. “If we’re going to see whether or not they break…we need to give them a push that makes them bend,” she reasoned.
“It’s too soon,” Dr. Bishop said, shaking his head.
Carrie sighed. “This disease destroys people too soon. We’ve all lost the people we love too soon because of it and I want to why!” she snapped. “I want results!”
“In time,” he soothed gently, patting her knee. “We need to let this run its course if we’re ever going to know whether or not they can survive it. It’s as much about the test as it is the results, Carrie. Science is about making the hard decisions and then watching them play out with evidence.”
Carrie groaned and slid off the desk heading for the door she knew she would slam on her way out. Before she left though, Carrie had one more thing to say. “I just hope you’re not going soft just because Science has left the equation.” She shook her head in frustration. “They already think they’re dying, Grandpa. What more do you want before we get to the real experiment?”
He nodded softly, knowing his Granddaughter was right. He was wasting time they did not know they had. It was time to explore the real questions and finally get their answers. “Alright,” he nodded. “We’ll increase the dosages and see how they cope.”
She smiled, pleased, collecting herself again. “And then we’ll make them choose,” she said darkly. Carrie stared back at the monitor that showed the couplings on each floor below them. “I wonder which of them will break…and why.”
Dr. Bishop stared at the living pictures on the screen. “Won’t that be interesting to study,” he mused.
“They don’t seem as strong as me,” she said flatly.
As Carrie turned to leave he offered, “Whatever they choose though…it won’t bring her back.”
Carrie paused by the door she no longer wanted to slam. “Just get me answers,” she said softly. “I’ve waited long enough.”
“And if none of them choose as you did?” he wondered.
She kept her back to him, Carrie’s hand gripping the handle on the door, tightening around it as her anger boiled at the thought of having to start over. “Then they can rot in the ground like the others,” she spat, resuming her original need to slam the door behind her.
Ahhhhh! Okay, so let’s recap here. Carrie is Dr. Bishop’s Granddaughter and they have lost someone to the same disease the teenagers have fallen victim to. But what is the disease and how does it allow them a choice? Why have they convinced these kids that they’re dying when they’re not?? What is this project really about? I’ve given you more than a few things to think about and yet left you with even more questions than before! Don’t you love the asinine evil of it all? Haha No? Well than stick around to find out more!! Xoxo Harley
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