Shido remembers a moment from happier times between he and Cain. Written for Yuletide '04.
He had promised to give me the world. Or at least show it to me. And I believed he would. I believed that we would be together forever, and that nothing would be able to take me from him.
I believed our life, or at least our undead one, was perfect. I believed that what we did was right, that life-giving blood was ours to take. I believed that the heavy, heady scent of a woman was ours to take advantage, her life ours to take. I believed everything was ours to take. I believed that we, as who we were, as vampires, were allowed everything.
I believed a lot of things.
I'm older now, and wiser for it. I know that what we did was wrong, that the liberties we took were malicious ones. I know now many things I didn't know before. I've seen innocence (I can't even remember when I was young and innocent!) and I know we took it from so many people. I know he took it from me.
But some part deep inside of me thinks that's okay. That my innocence was, is, his. That there was something to us, something beyond the killing and the blood drinking and the lewd acts we did.
My body just feels like it wants him, needs him sometimes. I can feel it tense up, tight as a bowstring, singing for him. I don't know if this is because of our inherent nature as vampires, or if it is simply me.
But every time that happens, a memory nags at the back of my mind. It is one of the few that are mine and truly happy. It is a memory of a time where I did love, or at least lusted after him. Where I found comfort in his arms, felt wonderful pain and pleasure in his touch, experienced things I'd never done before.
I love it, and I revile it.
We were running through the streets, and he was chasing after me. I felt the cobblestones slick beneath my feet in the pouring rain and my hair sticking to my face. But it felt wonderful. I knew he was only pretending to let me have the lead, that he was far more powerful than I was. But he had given me life, and he was letting me feel it with all the passion of the young man - vampire - I was.
I hopped up onto a roof, running up the slippery slope with little effort. I wasn't afraid of falling, because I was undead and it wouldn't do anything, but more than that, I knew he'd save me from hitting the hard ground. I had absolute faith in him. He leapt up after me, and just as I was about to jump to the next house, he grabbed the back of my wet shirt.
"Shido, my dear Shido, you're as immodest as a whore. Really, wearing nothing but a white undershirt and pants entirely too small for you."
I grinned at him, as I knew this was a game. I knew he loved to see me like this, wild and beautiful. It made me happy to know I aroused him. It was my power, in a fashion.
"It isn't my fault, Cain, that you demand on wearing an overcoat wherever you go, even in the summer heat." He smiled back at me, and hugged me to his chest. He wasn't very warm, he never was, but he was comforting.
"That is because I am a proper gentleman, Shido."
I snorted in indignation. "I have never been anything but!"
"You make a wonderful liar, my little vampire."
I whipped around and bared my teeth at him with a growl, but the look of utter amusement on his face made me start to laugh. "I guess I'm not horribly imposing, are I?"
"Ah, but you make such an effort at it. You make such an effort at a lot of things."
"I know that lecherous look!"
"Seeing as you are in the middle of trying anyway, why don't we try something else?"
"Like what?" My excitement began to build at the prospect.
I realized, a little too late, that the rooftop I was going to jump to before was flat. Very flat, with a penchant for collecting water, for as Cain flung us across, I was dumped indignantly in one of the said puddles of water.
"Have you ever experienced the feeling of water sluicing down your body as your mate bites into your neck, sending you over the brink? No, I don't suppose you have, my lovely Shido, because we've never done that before." He loomed over me, and would have been scary to just about anyone else in my position. I, however, had already parted my legs and laid back.
"I would be very willing to try, though."
He groped between my legs, a wry look on his face. "I can feel that."
"Then hurry up!"
He laughed at me, and then asked, "I take it you want it quickly tonight, Shido." I nodded my head quickly. If I was going to be out in the rain, in a puddle of water, with my clothes sticking to my body I certainly wanted it quick.
He went down on his knees, flipping one of my legs over his shoulder to lean down and kiss my growing erection. I took a deep breath, because I knew he was going to tease me. I was happy that it at least was a warm rain.
But it was what he said afterwards that shook my body the most, that made me want to scream with all the power I had, that made me his.
He told me, "Under the sun, in the rain, through the mountains and past the horizon, you will be mine, and I will be yours."
"That is the manner of our bond, Shido."
And I felt that some way, somehow, I became wiser in that moment than in the entire sum of my life.
Wisdom is a scary thing, because it doesn't lie.
Right now, I wish he were the liar.