Isn't obsession a form of love?
I mean, it's not ever day your favorite band comes out with a new album.
Not even that.
Your REASON.TO.LIVE. comes out with a new album.
So, pretty much, it was the best thing in her world.
So the day after she gets the CD, right, she brings it to school with her.
Because, who can honestly say they wouldn't?
And when she gets to school, she shows her friends.
None of them are into MCR, but she shows them anyways.
Praying that they'd understand the magnitude of the situation.
And they ignore her.
Not full-on, fuck you ignoring.
And she doesn't realize that they do.not.care.
So she continues GUSHING over her new, lovely, pristine My Chemical Romance album.
Until fourth period.
When she's in the bathroom, doing her thing.
And two of her friends walk in.
She would have called out to them, but, well, she's a little busy, you know?
So, they're talking.
She's hears her name.
Not in a good way.
"Oh my God, she's so ridiculous. It's like she's NEVER going to shut up about that stupid emo band!"
"I KNOW right?! Like, why does she think we care?"
"...I care...I kind of LIKE that band-"
"Oh, shut up, Karin. Would you rather be a loser like her?"
She could HEAR the sorrow in Karin's sigh of resignition.
And, at this point, she's trying to breathe.
And not make a sound.
All at the same time.
And the girls leave.
She staggers out of the stall.
Pants around her ankles.
Looks in the mirror.
Sees the emptiness where her eyes used to be.
Wonders what she did.
Why they said those things.
Why they suddenly hated her.
And then she goes home that night, wondering what is wrong with her.
She spends hours in front of the mirror.
She smacks herself.
"Worthless" she mutters.
And she wakes up the next morning too early.
She set her alarm.
She curled her hair.
Curled it again.
Found a hat.
Put on a pink blouse, like the other girls wear.
Goes to school.
Only, they don't even talk to her.
Her new clothes mean nothing.
Nothing to them.
Nothing to anyone.
And she goes home crying.
Then, something changes in her.
A gear shifts out of place.
She grabs a razor, cuts her arms, cuts her legs, cuts her wrists, cuts her ankles.
She finds all the black clothes she owns.
Puts them all on a once.
She doesn't care how she looks.
She smudges eyeliner on her eyes.
She jams her headphones in her ears.
She turns on the loud, jarring, ear-splitting symphany of My Chemical Romance's first album.
And she waits.
In the dark of her room.
Until sunlight splits the void.
And she walks to school.
Too determined for the bus.
She arrives at school.
The girls gape.
Then they giggle.
They mask their fear with humor.
They tell everyone,
"That CRAZY emo girl!"
And, soon, they all hate her.
They all laugh.
And she hates herself, too.
She doesn't know what she did wrong.
But whatever it was, it was so horrible that they all hated her.
Hundreds of them.
Hundreds of people can't be wrong.
And the only person who went to her funeral was Karin.