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Tsubasa prayed hard as he knelt next to his gravely ill father. He prayed that God would shorten his life in exchange for his father’s health. Tsubasa's father had been plagued by illnesses since his birth and he knew that his family secretly blamed him. They were already poor and the medical bills definitely didn’t help.



In order to make up for his sinful birth, Tsubasa did everything he could to help out his family. From a tender age, forgoing education, he started working as a servant for the rich Domoto family. At night, he helped his mother and sister with their chores. He did everything from cooking to cleaning. As if it wasn’t harsh enough for him that he was a servant during the day, at night, he made himself a servant in his own home too. Always the first to wake and last to sleep, he was up making breakfast at dawn before he left to serve the other household. And even though the dinners were also prepared by him, Tsubasa was always watchful to make sure that he took the smallest portion and ate the least.



Although life was tough, Tsuabsa had no complaints as long as he could in any way make up for the curse that he was. But one day, it seemed that even this pitiful existence was too much to ask for poor Tsubasa.



During one of his visit to his close friend, Domoto-san, Kitagawa-san was enthralled by a petite, young man, entertaining him with his singing and playing of samisen (a three-stringed musical instrument). Tsubasa’s talent for music did not escape Kitagawa-san. But there was more to it. It turned out that despite Tsubasa almost constant head-bowed disposition, Kitagawa-san saw in him a raw diamond, a gem hidden beneath a very coarse and negligible exterior.



Wasting no time to polish this hidden gem, Kitagawa-san made the Imai family a generous offer.



‘My precious son will do no such thing! We may be poor but we have our pride too. I’ll disown him if he ever does anything this disgraceful and shameful.’



It was the first time Tsubasa saw his sickly father do anything with such vigour and agitation. The bedridden senior had apparently miraculously jumped out of bed in anger.



Yes, Tsubasa was his precious son. Despite what the rest of his family thought of him, he knew his father loved him. All the more he could not stand by and watch his father, the only person who ever loved him, continue to be swallowed up by his illness.



Knowing too well that he would be incurring his father’s violent objection and wrath, Tsuabsa, risking disownment, painfully accepted the offer.



Indeed as a consequent of his sacrifice, Tsubasa was disowned by his bitterly disappointed father. But quietly, he consoled himself that the money would be used to discreetly buy better medicine for the old man.



Alone in this cruel world, Tsubasa had no choice but to submit to the will of Kitagawa-san.

His new home, a brothel owned by Kitagawa-san, was the finest and grandest in town. Frequented by the who’s who of the Japanese high society, it was like a palace to Tsubasa. But the grandeur of the place only made him long even more for his straw bed in his old home’s storeroom. He felt that he didn’t deserve to be in such a beautiful place, much less belong there.



The brothel besides being known to have the prettiest oirans (courtesans) yujos (prostitues) and geishas, was also famous for their exceptional brood of effeminate kagemas (young male prostitutes) and charming taikomochis (male geishas).



Being fairly young and new to the trade, Tsubasa was only made to serve as a musician and an apprentice taikomochi (male geisha), tasked to entertain with his samisen and songs.



But Kitagawa-san ensured that he was properly groomed. For what ends, Tsubasa did not know. But he had never expected fate to be kind to him.

And as Tsubasa had expected, fate never intended to be kind to him. It was not long before Kitagawa-san received earnest interest for Tsubasa’s services as a kagema. Ever the enterpriser, after garnering enough interest, Kitagawa-san arranged for a bidding party for Tsubasa’s first night as a kagema.



Although Kitagawa-san ensured that it was a fancy affair and invited important bidders, Tsubasa knew very well he was but a piece of flesh on display to be ravished by the highest bidder. If he only knew that among the guests was someone equally uncomfortable with the arrangement, Tsubasa might have felt a little less lonely.



Among the well-dressed and well-heeled guests, was an unwilling participant from a illustrious samurai clan, the esteemed Takizawa household. Although he was accompanied by his younger but more experienced brother, Ryo, Takki clearly felt out of place. It was his first time attending such a spectacle. In fact it was his first time in a brothel. Ryo, who had insisted that it was a necessary experience for him, forcibly dragged him along in the name of showing him the world.



Tsubasa was thankful for the coats of powder on his face. Without it, he was sure that his discomfort and nervousness would be even more apparent. But despite his best attempt at hiding it, Takki could see it plainly that the young man was suffering. Seeing that Tsubasa was about the same age as him, Takki could not help but distinctly realise how fate had dealt very different hands to the two of them.



‘I could be him,’ Takki thought to himself.



Perhaps chivalry was in his samurai blood, Takki was determined to rescue this young man about his age. And what Takki wanted, he got. The bidding was fierce and heated but Takizawa clan’s wealth ensured that Takki was the highest bidder.



In a room specially prepared for the savouring of virgin nights, Tsubasa and Takki sat awkwardly opposite each other.



‘Thank you for your kind and generous patronage, Your Lordship,’ Tsubasa began politely with a deep bow.



Instinctively sensing that behind the aloof appearance and imposing name was an equally uneasy young man, Tsubasa was somewhat comforted. He was not alone.



‘How would you like me to serve you, Your Lordship?’



‘Eh?’ Takki almost jumped but quickly regained his composure.



‘Erm… I heard that you are very skilled with the samisen. Please play it for me.’



‘And please just call me Takki. Since we are about the same age, let’s do away with the formalities.’



That night, they spent the night together, but innocently slept on separate futons. The last thing Takki remembered that night was how relived Tsubasa looked as he slept. With that gentle expression on a faintly smiling face engrained in his memory, Takki too went to sleep, vowing to protect that angel-like boy.



True to his word, Takki visited the brothel every night requesting only for the company of Tsubasa. Like the first night, Tsubasa was only required to entertain with his music and they retired as always to separate futons. Tsubasa initially welcomed the arrangement. However, one day he wondered if he was ever going to end up a 40-year old virgin, and not just any virgin, but a 40-year old virgin prostitute.



Tsubasa grew up thinking that he was not worth any attention, much less a second look. But he soon realized by the sleazy looks he got from both female and male clients at the brothel that he could actually be quite desirable and delectable. So it was not long before he started wondering to himself why Takki did not want him like the others did.



‘Are you all right?’ Takki asked, very concerned as to why Tsubasa was messing up his notes all night.



Seizing this opportunity, Tsubasa eagerly suggested, ‘I do apologise. Why don't we play drinking games instead.’



Only after a few rounds, Tsubasa was drunk. Or at least he pretended to be.



‘Y-you… are… beautiful,’ Tsubasa slurred, trying his utmost to sound drunk.



‘Not as beautiful as you,’ Takki sincerely protested. ‘You’re the most beautiful thing I know.’



Hearing that, Tsubasa almost cried. It was the first compliment he had ever received in his life. He had always thought himself lowly and accursed, something to be despised. But looking into Takki’s eyes, he was beginning to believe that he too could be someone special.



‘You sure are a pervert when you are drunk,’ Takki mocking protested as he laughed off Tsubasa’s kiss, on the corner of his lips. Then scooping up his ‘drunk’ companion, Takki carried Tsubasa bridal style to his respective futon.



‘I’m not as think as you drunk I am,‘ Tsubasa objected as he flailed his arms around comically.



Unwilling to let the night end so innocently, Tsubasa pulled Takki into his futon as well. But resisting Tsubasa’s advances, Takki struggled to sit up instead.



‘Don’t you want me?’ Tsubasa asked with a fake drunkard smile, masking the hurt inside.



‘Yes… but I want you to want me too, Takki softly but seriously answered.



‘I want you,’ Tsubasa hurriedly offered. To prove his point, he removed his obi (belt) and let his kimono part slightly to reveal the creamy skin underneath.



Looking distraught by the invitation, Takki elaborated, ‘But I mean really want me, not because you need me.’



Takki felt like an idiot seeking affection from a kagema. But he needed to know that there was more than a business transaction between them. He needed to know that he was not alone when he felt his heart pound every night Tsubasa helped to disrobe him. And he longed to know that when Tsubasa was dressing him ever so slowly in the morning, it was because he was reluctant to see him go.



Sitting up too, Tsubasa pulled Takki into his arms and breathed into his ear, ‘Not I want you because I need you. But I need you because I want you.’



Instantly those words erased any reservations Takki had. They too had the effect of unleashing the sex god within.



Soon two naked young men were hungrily grinding against each other, marking each other as their own with love bites and bite marks. Wantonly, they kissed, licked, sucked and bit, exploring each other’s bodies for the first time.



Tsubasa thought that he could finally put to use the secret tricks of the trade he had learnt from his senpais. But when faced with Takki, he lost all control and let his body and desire take control. He found himself moving, moaning, grunting and screaming unlike anything he had learnt. Nothing was staged, everything came from some deep abyss in him. That night, as he succumbed to intense pleasure that he never knew possible, he too felt like he was getting to know his body and himself for the first time.



Although it was the first time for both of them, Tsubasa’s desire and Takki's craving made for an explosive night. Where Takki lacked in experience, he overcompensated with insatiable lust. No matter how many times, he had emptied his seed into Tsubasa or how many times Tsubasa had sucked him dry. He was always hard again very quickly and ever ready for more action.



As he watched Takki’s soundly sleeping face resting on his arm, Tsuabsa wondered if he would ever see that beautiful face again, since he had already given his everything to him.



But those fears were unfounded. Takki was still there in the morning. In fact, he didn’t leave Tsubasa’s side for another three days and two nights. It was only upon news of urgent family business that finally tore Takki from Tsubasa.



Utterly exhausted but fully satisfied, Tsubasa limped as elegantly as he could to the main gate to see Takki off.



It was early dawn. And Tsubasa recalled that in his old days, he would be up fetching water from the well. Although he still longed for the innocence of his past, he now had no regrets for choosing the path that he did.



‘Will I see you again?’ Tsubasa softly asked.



‘Of course you will, silly! You’ll see me again tonight, tomorrow night and the all the nights after,’ Takki declared to a bashful but much delighted Tsubasa.



But after his showy declaration, Takki fell silent. And reading his mind, Tsubasa reciprocated with a light kiss on the younger man’s waiting lips. Unsatisfied, Takki wrapped Tsubasa into a tight embrace and deepened the kiss. The young lovers’ kiss lingered on until they were interrupted by a groggy, half-awoke Kitagawa-san.



‘YOU, Lord Takizawa. Kagemas need their beauty rest too!’



With that, the lover reluctantly parted.



That night, Tsubasa waited impatiently for Takki’s arrival. He had taken great pains to curry the favour of the leading courtesans so as to receive a few precious drops of their imported perfume and to borrow a few pieces of their prized kimonos. Tsubasa wanted to look perfect for Takki.

But little that he know, his efforts were in vain. That night, Takki didn’t come.



The following night, Takki too was absent.



On the next morning, an increasingly anxious Tsubasa made a trip to the Takizawa mansion. With a pricey bribe, he found out that Takki had left town.



Torrents of tears wetting his face and dripping from his chin, Tsubasa made his way back in a daze. That night, Tsubasa fucked rough and hard. Judging by the huge tip left behind by his first customer aside from Takki, she had thoroughly enjoyed his service. But no amount of money could ease how Tsubasa felt. He felt used and dirty. He had wanted revenge on Takki for his betrayal. But ultimately, he only succeeded in further crushing the bits and pieces of his broken heart. He hated Takki but he hated himself more for allowing himself to hope, for believing that something good could be possible in his life.



Although Tsubasa assured Kitagawa-san that he was over Takki, he noticed that Tsubasa always feigned illness when requested by male customers.



Days turned into weeks and out of the blue, Tsubasa received an invitation from the Takizawa household. Stunned, Tsubasa had wanted to turn down the invitation flatly. He was stabbed in the heart when Takki broke his promise to him. But part of him knew that deep down inside, there existed another reason. He didn’t know how he could face Takki now that he was no longer exclusively his.



Still, Tsubasa finally accepted it. He wanted to know why - why Takki left him.



Inside the majestic Takizawa mansion, Tsubasa was awed by an opulence that surpassed anything he had ever seen. He was ushered into a newly built quarter. Made of the finest timber and adorned with ornate paintings, it was very luxurious yet it felt surprisingly homely. And in the carefully manicured garden, Tsubasa saw him.



Seeing Takki’s silhouette, back against him, staring into the pond of glistening emerald water, Tsubasa almost cried.



Fighting back his tears, Tsubasa smiled politely but coldly as he bowed deeply to Takki.



Sensing his pain, Takki rushed forward to embrace him.



‘Don't touch me!’ Tsubasa cried out.



But promptly, he apologised.

‘Forgive me, Lord Takizawa. I had overreacted.’



It nearly killed Takki to see Tsubasa so icy cold and keeping his distance.



‘Tsuabsa, I’m sorry. I had to leave because the shogun had called for an urgent meeting in the capital. I did send word immediately. But I had only recently realised that my letter had not been delivered.’



Falling silent, Takki recalled how he found his letter in his younger brother, Ryo’s room.



‘Why is this letter still with you?! You were supposed to have delivered it ages ago!’ Takki shouted in panic, almost screaming with anger.



‘Is he so important? So important that you raise your voice at me? You’ve never done that before.’ Weakly, Ryo retorted disbelievingly, shocked by his brother’s fury.



‘So now that you have him, no one else matters?’



Holding back the growing tears in his eyes, Ryo looked expectantly at Takki.



Cupping his beloved baby brother’s face in his hands, Takki looked apologetically into those dreamy eyes. And hugging him snuggly, Takki gently assured, 'You matter. I love you. And nothing will ever change that.''



‘Do you love him too? Even when you know that he’s not right for you. That it’s wrong.’ Ryo asked softly.



‘Yes. And nothing’s ever gonna change that either,’ Takki answered with conviction.



Bringing his attention back to Tsubasa, who was still coolly looking at him in disbelief, Takki handed him the letter.



Tsubasa would have succeeded in staying stoic if not for the mushiness of the letter. It almost made him cringe outwardly. But reading the last part of it, Tsubasa wished he had really been stabbed in the heart.



‘Wait for me. Tell Kitagawa-san that I’ll pay for all the nights that I was away. You said before that you’re mine. Please remember that. Wait for me.’



It turned out that the person who had betrayed their love was no other than himself.



‘Do you like it here? After our first night together, I sent word for it to be built. It was specially built for you. I hope that you could stay here as my distinguished guest. Please... ’



‘I’m not worthy,’ Tsubasa cut him short.



‘I’ve slept with others, women. For money,’ Tsubasa tearfully confessed.


‘I betrayed us.’



‘I’m just a cheap kagema, Your Lordship. Please just forget me. Forget you ever met a wretched being like me.’



Devastated, Tsubasa was about to turn and leave, when Takki enveloped him in a tight back-hug.



‘I don’t care if you’ve served others. You don’t even have to serve me. Just stay. Please just stay. Let me take care of you.’



‘I don’t even have to serve you?’ Tsubasa asked, with a tinge of disappointment.



‘Not unless you want to,’ Takki replied, nervously standing in front of Tsubasa.



Looking at the awkward young man standing in front of him, Tsubasa was reminded of how Takki looked the first night they met and the night he sought the affirmation of his feelings.



Reaching out and holding onto Takki’s hand, Tsubasa once again allowed himself to hope, to believe.



‘I want to… I want you.’




~End~ More at http://avery-averette.livejournal.com. Enjoy!