Two strangers and opposites are thrown together into a vicious cycle of abuse and torment. But will their dark nights together bring about redemption? Warning: boys' love.
‘You’d better keep your mouth shut about us. I don’t want anyone to know,’ Takki hissed viciously.
As always, his new stepbrother was silent. Takki was not cruel, but his stepbrother, in strange ways appealed to the monster within. He made Takki want to bully him, to lash out at him, to vent all his hurt and pain onto him. And his silence and tolerance only made it easier.
In Takki’s eyes, his father’s recent marriage was a grave mistake. How could his father see anything in a woman so plain and ordinary. Takki’s mother, who had died in a car accident a few years ago, was Japan's premier ballerina. She was bright and beautiful. How could someone so common take her place? Was he that lonely?
His stepmother was a mistake, so was her son. And their apologetic mannerism only made Takki despise them more. His new mother seemed to regard herself as a maid in her new household and always spoke with deference to him. Her son was quiet as a mouse and had an insignificance about him that made it natural to disregard his existence. Nevertheless, insignificant or not, their presence irked Takki. They were unwelcomed, unwelcomed intruders in his perfect world.
Despite having been in a single parent family for a while, Takki pretended that all was well. He pretended to be coping fine with the grief of the loss of his beloved mother. And he pretended that his father was likewise doing well. He believed that as long as they still had each other that would be enough. Although he knew that his father had been keeping late nights to avoid coming home, Takki convinced himself that his father’s excuse of having to entertain more were genuine. He believed that one day, it would hurt less. And then, they could try to be a real family again.
‘I’m sorry, Tsubie Baby. Please understand. It’s already very nice of him not to kick up a fuss about the marriage,’ Tsubasa’s mother pleaded.
‘I’m fine. And Father’s very kind. I can tell that he’ll be very good to you,’ Tsubasa replied softly as he reached for his mother’s worn out hands and stroke them gently.
Takki’s father was different from all of his mother’s earlier boyfriends, who were either abusive or had vices a mile long. Being an illegitimate child, who often had to hide himself from his mother’s boyfriends, Tsubasa had learnt to be discreet and to endure. But Takizawa-san was different. He was kind. He took him along when he went on dates with his mother, played baseball with him and bought him things. Therefore, for his mother’s present happiness, he’ll endure anything.
Besides, it wasn’t much to endure because Tsubasa actually liked his stepbrother. He felt awestruck to be somewhat associated with someone so beautiful. To him, beautiful people were allowed to be cruel. All his mother’s better-looking ex-boyfriends tended to be cold and callous anyway.
Although Tsubasa’s bedroom was just next to his aloof stepbrother’s, he had never been inside. He was forbidden to. He was also not to talk to him unless spoken to. And outside, even in school, they were to pretend to be strangers. Takki even sternly instructed him to stay out of his sight, ‘I don’t want to see you anymore than I have to. It’s already bad enough that I see you at home.’
Since his new home was in an exclusive neighbourhood, Tsubasa had to likewise transfer school. And much to Takki’s displeasure, they were sharing the same high school. What he learnt about his stepbrother in school only reaffirmed that their parents were ill-matched. In school, Takki was all brains, beauty and brawn. The school jock and heart-throb, his rock hard abs and equally impressive grades were the envy of many. He had everything and was everything. While his stepbrother was nothing. Quiet, reserved and painfully shy, Tsubasa hardly made a ripple with his entry into the new school.
But if there was anything Takki could vaguely envy about his stepbrother, it was that he could draw. Drawing was Takki’s Achilles’ Heel. He couldn’t draw to save his life. He would make a praying mantis look like an electric toothbrush and turn a lion into a rabbit. On the other hand, Tsubasa was a natural born artist. His sketches were so life-like they seemed to come alive. However, one night, that envy came to a disasterous end.
‘Dinner’s ready,’ Takki announced absentmindedly as he rudely opened the door without knocking.
‘What are you doing?! I mean what are you drawing?!’ Takki interrogated as he picked up the pieces of artwork scattered on Tsubasa’s bed.
‘You’re sick. You’re sick, you know. You perverted sissy.’
‘Don’t ever let me see you draw me again. Ever! Or I’ll let you know what pain is.’
After his chilling warning, Takki proceeded to rip up every sketch with his face on it. And he didn’t just stop there. He continued to tear up everything, until the floor was a carpet of angry shreds.
If Tsubasa had been avoiding Takki earlier, he now avoided him like a plague, not daring to even look at him at home. Until one night, when Takki came looking for him instead.
Tipsy from a night of drinking, Takki mistakenly entered Tsubasa's room.
'Takki, is that you?' Takizawa Senior asked aloud from downstairs.
‘Don’t say I’m here. If he asks, say I’m at Hina’s place,’ Takki slurred.
Like a good boy, Tsubasa conveyed the lie to their father who had thought it was Takki finally returning home after celebrating his marathon win with his friends. Takki was well aware that his law-abiding father would flare up if he knew he had been drinking. But being young and reckless, the daredevil in him acted out that night and indulged in a little too much to drink.
‘Boy, I must be really drunk, so drunk that even you’re starting to look attractive,’ Takki mumbled as he leaned onto the half naked Tsubasa for support.
‘Tell me, what do you think of when you draw me?’
‘Do you think of me kissing you?’ Takki asked as he pressed Tsubasa to a wall and relished his lips and tongue.
‘Do you think of me playing with your nipples?’ Takki asked as he teased, nibbled and licked those sensitive peaks.
‘Do you think of me taking you whole?’ Takki asked as he knelt down and forcefully released the already engorged chin chin ii from its confines.
With just a few masterful stokes, Takki was eliciting muffled moans from Tsubasa. Despite his best attempt at suppressing himself, Tsubasa’s body couldn’t help but be jolted with spasms of sexual ecstasy. However, just as he was coming, Takki struggled to his feet, staggered to the bed and slumped over.
Seeing Tsubasa drown in a tsunami of disappointment over his abrupt departure and unfinished business, Takki smirked, ‘My turn.’
‘If you don’t make me fucking wet very soon, I’ll make you fucking regret it,’ Takki threatened.
Never in the mood to show his stepbrother any kindness, Takki came in the older boy's mouth, without warning. But he might actually have felt a tinge of regret if Tsubasa didn’t look so sluttishly tantalising when he bent over the sink to wash his mouth of its salty content.
‘I know an invitation when I see one,’ Takki said, titillating Tsubasa’s hole.
‘Are you denying me?’
Taking Tsubasa’s usual silence as consent, he shoved his legs apart. Forgoing the lube, Takki licked one finger then two, then inserted them carelessly into Tsubasa’s burning hole and readied it for his first assault of many.
‘You’re so hot… and tight.’
Savouring the sight of a whimpering and writhing Tsubasa bent over before him, Takki covered his mouth and cautioned, ‘If you make any noise, I’ll make it hurt. Just take it like a man. Or should I say, like a mouse.’
The ravage continued deep into the night.
Watching Takki finally lay asleep naked on his bed, Tsubasa didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to feel either. None of his past experience had prepared him for this. He would’ve felt very dirty to be used, abused then cast aside by a drunkard like a cheap sex toy. But it was Takki. He wanted to hate him, but he only ended up hating himself instead.
Gently covering a blanket over him, Tsubasa was careful not to wake Takki. Noiselessly, he laid a futon and slept on the floor.
The next morning, Tsubasa woke up alone in the room. At that moment, he could understand how his mother must have felt when her married lovers used her then left her all alone on the bed the next morning.
At the breakfast table, Takki reacted pretty much like always, cold and distant, so it was difficult to tell if he remembered anything from last night. Tsubasa didn’t know which to hope for. Besides, he wasn’t used to hoping for things. Nonetheless, he couldn't help but wonder.
'Are my genitals the only ones that are still feeling raw and tender?'
'Am I the only one feeling torn and tormented?'
Tsubasa wanted to forget last night and pretend it never happened. But at the same time, his body wanted to once again be spread wide open and eaten; this time, on the dining table, right then and there. His body wanted to once again silently scream Takki's name as it fists its fingers in the younger boy's sweat soaked hair. His body wanted to once again taste Takki's sweat and feel it sizzle on their equally heated and impassioned bodies.
Takki was likewise traumatised. Although uncertain of what actually transpired that night, it was enough for him to abhor and loathe Tsubasa even more. His intermittent flashbacks were so disturbing that he felt repulsed by them. He was drunk and Tsubasa took advantage of him. He would avenge this unspeakable violation.
‘He’s gay, you know,’ a student whispered as Tsubasa walked by.
'Yeah, everyone’s talking about it so it can’t be wrong.’
Of course, a rumour initiated by Takki carried weight and spread like wildfire. Although there were a few suspected gay couples in the school, such as Akame and TomaPi, they were discreet so no one knew for sure.
‘Come on, don’t act all coy in front of us. We know you want it,’ sneered the school bully, Johnni.
Bound, gagged and blindfolded, Tsubasa was helpless against the leering gang of school thugs. He could do nothing but struggle futilely while they ripped his uniform apart and jerked his pants and boxers down to his ankles.
They were positioning him against a table when Takki happened to past by the dark but suspiciously rowdy laboratory.
‘What the hell are you doing in here?!’ Takki yelled when he saw what was happening.
‘Hey, if it isn’t the school idol himself,' one of the gangsters notified.
'Nothing much… we're just getting to know a fellow student better. Care to join us? We'll even let you go first,' Johnni enticed.
‘Get the hell out of here before I report on you!’
‘Are you all right?’ Takki asked anxiously when they were finally alone.
However, his concern immediately dampened when he got a good look at the pale, tear-stained face of that trembling student. It was his hateful stepbrother, Tsubasa.
‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was you. If I did, I wouldn’t have spoiled the fun. You were probably enjoying it. Maybe even begging for it.’
But as he was about to turn and leave, he heard Tsubasa slide off the table onto the floor. Seeing him lying there and shaking with fright, Takki thought maybe he was a little too harsh.
That day, for the first time, they walked home together. Tsubasa would have been elated to be accepted by his stepsibling, if he was even a bit lucid. But he was still in a state of shock.
‘Dinner’s ready,’ Takki informed.
But no one answered the door. He was sure Tsubasa was in his room because he had been monitoring his movement. Opening the door, he saw an empty room with an open window. For a moment, a flash of panic overwhelmed him.
‘Did he jump?’
Thankfully, his alarm was quickly replaced with relief when he saw no broken body outside of the window. Making his way to the bathroom, Takki knocked lightly on the door before opening it.
‘What are you doing?!’
Takki was startled by what he saw – trickles of blood running down Tsubasa’s arm.
‘Are you cutting yourself?! What the... ?! How the fuck can you be so fucking stupid? Damn it! Man, you’re just so fucking hopeless! Damn it! Damn it, man!’
In spite of his severe reproach, Takki quickly bathed the wounds in cold water before dashing off to fetch the first aid kit.
‘Don’t need bandages. Will only attract attention. They’ll heal very soon.’
‘What are you? An expert in this?
Softening his tone, Takki inquired, ‘Do you do this often?’
Faced with another silent Tsubasa, Takki helped himself and closely examined Tsubasa’s arms. There were several faint marks of earlier cuts on both upper arms.
‘Does your mother know about this?’
‘Please don’t tell her! I beg you! Please don’t!’
‘If you’d promise me…’
Tsubasa was suddenly worried, what did Takki want from him?
‘If you’d promise never to do it again.’
After Tsubasa nodded his agreement, Takki gingerly applied antiseptic ointment onto the wounds. It was the first time his wounds were treated by someone other than himself. Tsubasa had made sure that his mother knew nothing about it. Even if she did, he knew that she would probably not be able to cope with it. It would be kill her to know that her son was in such deep pain. How could any mother face up to the fact that the only way her child could feel less weak and useless was by cutting himself? By cutting himself, Tsubasa proved that he had that little bit of power - the power to inflict more pain on himself than the world could.
When Tsubasa saw Takki flinch, he offered to clean up the wound himself. But Takki only slapped his hand away. For an instant, Tsubasa felt loved. He felt as if someone else shared his pain. That it hurt that someone more than it hurt him.
That night, Takki had a change of heart. And it continued into the days that followed. To watch over him, Takki insisted that Tsubasa join his Track and Field Club, which he was a captain of. They had also formed a routine of leaving for school together, and sometimes they would share lunch on the school rooftop, and occasionally they even retuned home together. Although they didn’t talk much outside, it was a comfortable silence between them. While they talked little outside, Takki had begun to stop by Tsubasa’s room for a chat before bed, in the guise of checking up on him. That had also quickly developed into a habit Tsubasa looked forward to.
‘Baby, honestly, are you gay?’ Takki’s girlfriend, Myoko the school sweetheart, asked one day.
‘It’s just that you’ve been hanging out with that weird transfer student so often these days. He’s gay, you know?’
‘It’s just a rumour and he’s not weird. And he’s already been in our school for so long, it’s about time we consider him a fellow student, ne?’
‘Are you sure you’re not gay?’
‘So then he’s just a friend?’
‘Well, I wouldn’t even consider him a friend… more like… an acquaintance,’ Takki explained hesitantly.
That night, Takki entered Tsubasa’s room to see that the lights had already been switched off.
‘Maybe he’s had a long day,’ Takki reasoned.
Nevertheless, he sat down by the side of the bed for a while. He enjoyed Tsubasa’s comforting presence, even when the latter was asleep. But little did he know, Tsubasa was far from asleep. He was lying with his eyes closed, seething with anger and hurt.
The following days saw a role reversal. Tsubasa was suddenly behaving very detached from him. Yet when he questioned him, Tsubasa only scoffed at him for being overly sensitive. But Takki was not convinced.
Spending yet another night in the dark room, sitting next to a sleeping Tsubasa, Takki wondered again. Why was his gentle stepbrother being so cruel to him all of a sudden? And why was he so bothered by it? Was it just because of his wounded pride and snubbed ego?
‘Takki-kun, maybe I shouldn’t be saying this. It’s a little rude. But… Tsubasa-kun might be cutting himself?’ Hina informed.
And before he knew it, Takki had sped off in the direction of where the shower was.
‘Are you all right?’ Takki asked as he flung the shower curtain aside and barged into the shower where Tsubasa was.
‘Is this why you're avoiding me? Because you’re cutting yourself again?’ Takki grilled as he pulled Tsubasa’s arms up for an inspection.
To his immense relief, Tsubasa’s arms were untouched.
‘You’re wet,’ Tsubasa pointed out as he drew Takki’s wet locks away from his mesmerizing eyes.
Takki had forgotten that he was fully clothed and that the shower was in full blast.
Letting his fingers linger lightly on that angelic face, Tsubasa couldn’t help but look expectantly at Takki. But what was he expecting?
It was a pity because Takki was too stunned by Tsubasa’s sudden gaze to react coherently. Maybe because it had become so awkward between them that Tsubasa decided to take matters into his own hands.
He started to lift Takki’s singlet away from that small yet strong body. And Takki didn’t resist. Before long, they were both almost naked and still staring at each other.
‘Did Takki drop by?’ a voiced suddenly queried.
‘Yeah, I thought Takki dropped by. Did you see him?’
Takki froze at that question.
‘Don’t tell him!’ Takki pleaded with his eyes.
For a split second, it flashed across Takki’s mind that this could be Tsubasa’s premeditated vengeance. He had secured his trust only to ruin his perfect façade and make him the laughing stock of the school. Maybe all along, he had wanted to make him suffer.
With just one, ‘He’s here getting naked in the shower with me’, Tsubasa could destroy him, utterly and completely.
‘No. He didn’t come by,’ Tsubasa lied.
Even if he couldn’t read Takki’s mind exactly, his fear of being discovered was plain to see. Takki was ashamed to be with him. And even worse, Takki didn’t trust him.
Trust is a very fragile thing. Once lost, it would be an uphill battle to earn it back. And Takki learnt it the hard way. That night, Tsubasa’s door was locked. And Takki couldn’t even share muted company with him. Leaning against the door, he sank onto the floor and buried his head in his legs.
What did I do? What could I to do?'
Before this, Tsubasa was only giving him the cold shoulder, now it had escalated to the cold shoulder and silent treatment. Having no one to turn to, Takki could only suffer in silence while he helplessly watched them drift apart.
As his friends gathered round to offer him a toast on his birthday, Takki couldn’t help but still feel empty inside. Something was missing. Someone was missing. Tsubasa had excused himself with the reason that he had something important to prepare. The group joked that he was preparing himself for his girlfriend. A new rumour had started circulating that Tsubasa was dating a hottie from a neighouring school. Although that effectively dispelled any doubt about his sexual preference, Takki couldn’t believe that there was nothing between them in that shower. The sexual tension was so strong and real that one could slice it with a knife. Just what was Tsubasa doing to him? Torturing him with a slow and painful death?
Halfway into the party, Takki felt his heart leap.
‘Come home soon. I’ve a present for you.’ It was a text message from Tsubasa.
‘So he wasn’t preparing a present for his girlfriend but his “boyfriend”,’ Takki giggled to himself. He would have flown home if not for Myoko. She, too, had prepared a special present for him.
It was drawing dangerously close to 12am when a restless Tsubasa called up Hina to ask of Takki’s whereabouts. In spite of his many calls, he hadn't been able to reach him on his phone.
‘He’s with Myoko. And I think someone’s gonna get very lucky tonight.'
Hearing that, Tsubasa hung up the phone immediately. He didn't know how to react to that news. If only he felt something, anything. But he only felt numb. Sitting by his bed, where Takki used to sit, Tsubasa thought, 'If only I could turn back time.'
In that instant, Tsubasa realised that sometimes, the saddest tears were the ones you never cried. With that thought in mind, he reached into his drawer and drew out his familiar penknife.
‘You know, I don’t really fancy it either.’
‘Takki?! What are you doing here?’
‘I’m here for my present. But I can see I’m a little too late,’ Takki sighed as he walked over to what used to be his portrait.
Tsubasa had in his despair slashed the canvas with the penknife. He thought that Takki had chosen Myoko over him. Devastated, he destroyed Takki's oil portrait, destroyed what he’d been slaving over for the past few weeks.
‘You should’ve asked me to sit in. Then it wouldn’t have turned out so girly.’
‘But you do look a little girly,’ Tsubasa timidly refuted.
‘I do not! And if you’ve asked me here to insult me, then maybe I should go. Go back to that hot woman in translucent black laced lingerie waiting to pleasure me with mind-blowing sex.’
As Takki pretended to leave, Tsuabsa grabbed his arm.
‘Ouch, you’re hurting me! Let go.’
‘No! If you want mind-blowing sex, I… we can do it too.’
Takki was taken aback by Tsubasa’s assertiveness. He was becoming less and less of that meek mouse he first knew.
‘And the black laced lingerie?’ Takki teased.
‘If you have it, I'll... ’ Tsubasa whispered, admiring his toes.
Though blushing furiously, Tsubasa braced himself. Black laced lingerie or not, he was giving away mind-blowing sex for present. Because after all, he still owed Takki a present and there was no way in hell he was gonna piss off his cruel stepbrother.
Seeing Takki in his room again, it felt like he had indeed turned back time. And this time, he was locking his door for an entirely different reason.
~ End ~ More at http://avery-averette.livejournal.com. Enjoy!