The days dragged on and on seeming to become longer and longer as my ache to be with Gerard begun more painful. Sitting at my desk at work staring at the calendar on my desk looking back on those two months that seemed like such a waste of my life. Without Gerard I just felt useless. I don’t know what I was even doing here! Sitting at this desk all day answering phones making money and desperately trying to make ends meet, when really someone else could come in here and do this, someone looking to find themselves and their purpose could sit here and figure it out while I was with my boyfriend, taken care of like he'd offered so many times and keeping him and myself from feeling exactly like we both do right now. I needed to get out of here. So many times I've sat here and thought about when I'd said I couldn’t tour with Gerard. It was stupid. I grabbed my coat and purse and whatever was on my desk and walked out the door, I planned on never coming back.
It was 4:30 on Friday night. I was on my computer talking to Gerard I was feeling ok but trying to figure out how I was supposed to tell my roommate I had quit and was leaving. My door flung open to reveal my roommate with something in her hand which she had flung in my face. "A ticket to see My Chemical Romance in New York City. Your train leaves in a half hour!" I was stunned. "It's ok Collete my sister is going to share this place with me, your work called a million times and I just put two and two together, go be happy and never forget to call me ok?" I jumped up and hugged her until she tried to push me off due to lack of air. "Don’t say I never did anything for you" I laughed and shooed her out so I could get ready. I told Gerard I had to go, I wanted to surprise him.
The train ride seemed painfully long. The whole time I pictured Gerard's face, worried about how I looked, prayed for the train to miraculously go faster. It seemed like it had been hours by the time I reached the line and joined the few diehard fans that had probably been here two hours before me. All of them chatting excitedly and smiling waiting to hear the beautiful music and feel what I had so many months ago at my first concert. After quite some time the doors opened and all of the people behind me along with the few in front of me, rushed in. I pushed my way through the crowd and to the front of the stage.
I wished there was a way to get back stage since they wouldn't play for at least an hour and a half. Playing a game on my phone to pass the time seemed to work until the first band came on. They were pretty good I jumped a bit and bobbed my head to the music until I felt a vibration in my pocket. I pulled my phone out and yelled a hello, I heard someone yelling back but couldn't quite make out what they were saying. I decided to hung up and see who it was. As soon as I shut my phone and opened it again there was a text message from Gerard asking me where the hell I was. I giggled and texted back that I was at a concert to see my favorite band. About three minutes after this a bodyguard walked up to me "Hello, are you Collete?" I nodded and he helped me get over the rail. I felt a ton of eyes on my back as I walked towards a small door near the left end of the stage. After opening it for me the guard handed me a pass and told me to go up the stairs, I nodded and started to make my way up. As I reached the top someone attacked me with a hug. I felt kisses all over my neck and face and started to giggle. "Hello Gerard, I love you too" he smiled at me pulling back for only a second before hugging me again. I sighed with happiness this is where I wanted to be 24/7 in Gerard’s arms. He made me happier than anything or anyone. My heart soared just being here with him, this is how I felt every time I saw him. I missed this, feeling like this, feeling at all really! It was wonderful to be whole again. Gerard really had become everything to me.
"Come on lets go to the dressing room" he held my hand and led me to a door with a sign that said 'My Chemical Romance' in their unique font. Gerard opened the door to reveal all of the guys. I hugged each of them happy to see them again. As we settled on the couch together Gerard put his arm around me and I was bombarded with questions from everyone. I giggled at their sweet enthusiasm of trying to get to know me. "You guys should know all this already it's not like I haven't told you all this before" Gerard said Frank smirked "Yea but everyone drowns you out cause we're sick of hearing you talk about Collete all the time so let the lady tell us about herself" I laughed imagining Gerard rambling on and on and everyone working around him. I continued to talk with the guy for a few more minutes. Gerard sighed, fed up with my attention on them and not him "Ok now everyone get the fuck out so I can be alone with my beautiful girlfriend" there was a mix of whistles and groans as our friends left.
I turned to Gerard and smiled. He held his face in my hand and I leaned over to kiss him softly but of course Gerard just had to pin me down to the couch. "Gerard" he moved his head from my neck and looked me in the eyes "whatttt?" he whined "we'll have plenty off time for this after the concert and for the next few months while I'm on tour with you lets talk for right now ok?" he gave me a confused look "Wait, your coming on tour with me?! Wait, are you serious?" I nodded my head "MMHM I'm miserable at home so I quit my job and I'm coming on tour with you." I was so happy to be with him like I had wanted every second we could be together I knew we would. Gerard was my life now and I couldn't be apart from him for very long. "That's great!" He said and kissed me once more "I missed you so much. It was horrible never leave me again?" he said. His question broke my heart there was only so much that I could promise this man whom I loved with all of my existence. I didn't know how what to tell him. There were some things I wasn't ready to tell him, some things he didn't need to be bothered with right now.
I did something that I hoped I would never ever have to do again because the guilt in that one moment crushed my heart so quickly and with such force that I felt as if I'd die.
I lied to him.
"Of course, I'll never leave again"
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