I found myself approaching a lake, the blue water shimmering under the sun. It was the lake Frank and I had our wedding at.
I sat on the edge of the pier, my bare feet grazing the surface of the silky water. I watched the ripples fade out. I used to sit on that pier when I was a kid, needing time to myself. It provided what I needed. Peace and quiet, a beautiful view and the comforting sound of water.
I sat at the lake for hours, watching the sun rise over my head and down again. It was getting dark quick, the water reflecting the sunset.
I started humming to myself, keeping my mind busy for a moment. I hummed louder, soon adding words to it softly. I hadn’t noticed I was humming anything in particular but when those words passed my lips, I realized I was singing Beautiful Day. Some of the words fit my situation.
‘Gerard?’ Someone called. I didn’t turn, nor did I stop singing. They sat at my side, listening.
‘Can we talk?’ I recognized the voice as Bob. He was idly picking at a loose thread on his shirt.
‘I don’t want to talk.’ I whispered, still singing the song in my head. Bob sighed and pressed further.
‘Gerard, this is important. You can’t just walk out on your husband, even more so during this time.’ He said, still pulling on that thread.
‘He told me he wants to die, Bob. He wants to leave me. I did nothing more than what he wants to do, except I can walk back in.’ I whispered, forcing back the flood of tears.
‘Come on, man. He’s going through some rough shit. You can’t expect him to be the same chirpy, annoying Frank before the crash.’ He said, staring at me. I kept my head down, keeping my eyes from my blond friend. Something about his eyes made me cave. He’d gotten me agree to stop drinking by looking me in the eye and speaking calmly, almost like he was hypnotizing me.
‘I know. But that cuts really deep. I can’t imagine life without him and all he wants is to kill himself… I can’t, Bob. I really can’t go back if he’s going to do that.’ I whispered again, some tears slipping out.
‘Gee… Look. Mikey called me and told me to come over, so I did. Frank’s already attacked Alicia for trying to touch him, smashed most of the cups and, to make things worse, it’s time for his medication. No-one can go near him without copping a fist to the face. Now, there are only 2 options. 1: Go home, calm your fucking husband before he kills someone and be a man. Frank loves you with all his heart. Right now, he’s crying for you.
Or 2: Let him go on a rampage, work himself up. Don’t get him to take his medication and possibly let him die while you sit out here, looking at the stupid lake feeling sorry for yourself. What’s it gonna be?’ I sat there dumbfounded. Out of all the things I thought that would have come from Bob’s mouth, it wasn't that.
‘Can I just sit here for a while longer? I need time to think.’
‘No. Frank is stressing and attacking your brother and his wife. Get your fat arse up off the pier and get in the car.’ He grabbed my arm, dragging me towards his car. I let my feet drag, making it harder on him. I tried to swing my arms, to get him to loosen his grip but it didn’t work.
‘Gee! Stop being so difficult!’ He groaned, still dragging my “fat arse” across the grass.
‘I’m not fat. Neither is my arse.’ I said. Bob sighed and kept dragging me. The man had too much pride to apologize.
He tossed me in the car, slamming the door shut as I pulled my legs in. I sat up in the chair, buckling in before Bob had even gotten in. I knew Bob too well. He was in a badd mood, therefore he would drive like a maniac.
On the way home, Bob had hit 2 dogs and a bunny rabbit, nearly collided with a semi trailer and narrowly missed 12 mail boxes. I cowered in my seat every time he turned a corner, every time he skipped lanes or turned into oncoming traffic.
I sighed in relief when he pulled into my driveway, slamming on the brakes just in time. I got out of the car, walking up to the front end. There was at least one inch between Mikey’s car and Bob’s.
‘Stop staring at the fucking car’s and come on!’ Bob yelled, grabbing the collar of my shirt and pulled me over the bonnet of the car. If I hadn’t have known Bob so long, I would have been terrified.
He dragged me over the lawn and through the front door even though I wasn't fighting him anymore. The second my body was in the door, Bob had dropped me and Mikey had picked me up. He pulled me through the house, down to the spare room. On the way, I saw Alicia. Both of her eyes were blackened, blood stains on her shirt and an icepack on her nose.
I stood outside the spare room. I could hear Frank crying loudly, loud crashes of, what was most likely, my art supplies. Mikey stood at my side, pushing my shoulder lightly, egging me to go in.
I opened the door slowly, looking back for some guidance. Mikey had already disappeared down the hallway, leaving me alone with my pissed off husband. Frank stood facing the window, Pansy in his left hand. He hadn’t heard me enter the room so I made sure I closed the door quietly, the last thing I wanted was his precious guitar getting thrown at me head.
‘Frankie?’ I said quietly, a few feet from him. His head snapped up and he spun on the spot. He looked at me for a second then fell to the ground, hugging his knees to his chest and sobbing. His guitar fell to the ground as well, making a loud cracking sound. I walked slowly to his side, kneeling down. He didn’t move or show any sign that he noticed me.
‘Frankie, please calm down.’ I whispered, stroking the hair from his face.
‘I-I…. I d-don’t w-want-t a d-divorce!’ He cried, curling up tighter. I wrapped one arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer to me.
‘We’re not getting divorced. I promised I was going to be here with you till the end, and I will. I’m so sorry, baby. I never meant to run out, you just scared me so much and I love you.’ I rambled, trying to get everything out in the short amount of time Frank wasn't making a noise.
‘W-We’re n-not-t get-tting a d-divorce?’ He stuttered out, looking up at me with swollen eyes. I wiped his tears away, kissing the top of his head.
‘No, Frankie. I’ve only just got you back. I’m not letting you go just yet.’ I whispered. He curled into my arms, wiping his tears on my shirt.
‘I-I’m s-sorry. I-I d-didn’t m-mean I-I want-ted to leave y-you. It-ts just th-that-t it’s v-very h-hard t-to b-be happy. I-I l-love y-you.’ He said. I nodded and kissed his head again. I rocked us back and forth for a minute, just until Frank had stopped crying.
‘C-Can I-I t-take my p-pills n-now?’ He asked.
‘Of course, baby.’ I unwrapped myself from him and stood up, offering my hand to him. He shakily got to his feet, grabbing hold of me so he wouldn’t fall. It took a few minutes just to get to the door so I picked him up, bridal style.
As I opened the door, I heard Alicia squeak and feet shuffle. Frank hid his face in my chest, clearly embarrassed. Alicia was hiding behind Mikey when we came out, relaxing a little when she saw me.
‘Baby, I think you should apologize to Alicia.’ I whispered in his ear. He lifted his head up, staring at Ali.
‘S-Sorry, A-Alicia. I-I d-didn’t m-mean to hurt-t you.’ He whispered, still clinging to me. She nodded, still using Mikey as a shield.
I carried Frank into the kitchen, sitting him on the bench. All the mess had been cleaned. I quickly ran into our room and grabbed his pills, handing them to him. He quickly swallowed them and jumped up into my arms again.
‘L-Love y-you.’ He whispered against my lips, adding a little pressure. His fingers ran through my hair as mine supported his body. I pushed him up against the fridge, relieving some pressure which gave me a chance to run my hands up his shirt. To say I was sexually deprived was an understatement. Frank and I were like wild rabbits when it came to sex. We’d done everything from bondage to sex toys. Just stopping all contact like that abruptly made it so much harder to resist the dildos, butt plugs and vibrating vaginas that sat under our bed in a few boxes.
I gripped Frank’s hips, driving myself closer to him as his tongue danced with mine. If it wasn't for the fact we were in the kitchen with our friends next door, I would have bent him over the counter and fucked him senseless.
I slid my hands from his shirt, unwrapping his legs from my waist and set him on the ground. His fingers were still tangled in my hair, my lips and tongue still fighting against his.
‘Frankie, stop.’ I mumbled against his lips. He licked the roof of my mouth, pecked my lips and pulled away.
‘Is the midget done with his tantrum?’ Bob called in. I started giggling, watching Frank’s face turn from shock to anger. He ran into the lounge room, pouncing on Bob as I turned the corner.
‘N-Not. A- M-midget!’ He giggled, trying to sound intimidating while holding Bob’s arms over his head. Bob struggled yet he didn’t break Frank’s hold.
‘Okay! Okay, you’re not a midget! Just get off me!’ Bob yelled, still trying to push the small man off him. Frank gave up holding him down and jumped up, giggling. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning my head on his shoulder.
Alicia was slowly coming out from behind Mikey, watching Frank with intensity.
‘I-I really am s-sorry, Alicia.’ He whispered, sliding out of my arms and walking towards her with his arms open. She flinched when he wrapped his arms around her but eased a little when she saw he meant no harm. Mikey kept a watchful eye on them.
‘Hey, Mikes. Where’s Toro?’ I asked, trying to get him to stop glaring at my husband.
‘He’s supposed to be coming around soon.’ Mikey said, still watching them. Frank released Alicia and came back to me, wrapping his arms around me tightly.
‘L-Love you. Very m-much.’ He whispered, kissing my exposed collar bone.
‘Love you too, baby.’
We all sat around the TV, waiting for Ray to make his appearance. Frank had the remote, which annoyed both Bob and Mikey to no end. He never had a long attention span. He’d stop on a channel, watch it for a few seconds then change it. He eventually stopped on a Green Day song, turning it up. It was up so loud, no-one heard Ray knocking on the door or walking in. It was Bob who noticed Ray first. Frank was, yet again, flipping channels so both he and I were too busy watching the screen.
‘What? No hello?’ Ray said, standing with his hands on his hips.
‘H-Hey, Ray!’ Frank yelled, still flipping channels.
‘You guys wanna come out for tea? Amanda is taking me out.’ Ray said, leaning up against the wall.
Amanda was Ray’s new girlfriend. She was nice, having met her once.
‘Already? Don’t you think this is going a bit fast?’ Bob asked.
‘Not really. Come on! Please?!’ He begged.
I looked at Frank, wondering if he would like to go out for once. He nodded and went back to the TV.
‘Me and Frankie will come.’ I said. Ray smiled wide, clapping his hands.
‘Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!’ He cheered. I looked over at Mikey who was trying to hide somewhat behind Alicia.
‘We’ll come.’ She said, smiling while Mikey grumbled.
‘You know I’d come but I have no-one.’ Bob fake pouted.
‘Take Katlyn. She’s a nice girl.’ Ray said, still smiling.
‘Nah, she’s away with…. Family. Yeah.’ Bob said, twiddling his thumbs.
‘No she’s not. I saw her last night.’ Alicia said, looking a little confused. Bob glared at her, mouthing shut the fuck up!
‘It’s settled then. We’ll all go on a quadruple date.’ Ray ran out of the house, probably going to tell Amanda.
‘Do you know how to shut your mouth?!’ Bob yelled at Alicia.
‘Shut up, Bryar.’ Mikey scolded. Oh this was going to be fun.