Along with the painful things- almost to the point of forgetting-I'm thinking of you. The more I count the night’s on which we don’t meet, anxiety grows in my chest
“Not far. Baby is due around, next summer didn’t the doctor say Gee?” she asked turning to her husband.
“Yeah around then.” Gerard said with a wide grin on his face.
“Oh My Gosh! So, have you figured out what you’re going to…” Jamia continued when Frank walked up to Gerard.
“Hey, congrats Gee.” Frank said quietly.
“It’s Frank. Not ‘Frankie’.” Frank snapped and walked out the front door, slamming it hard behind him. He pulled out a smoke and lit it, holding it between his shaking fingers.
“Frank?” Gerard said quietly as he approached Frank from behind.
“Fuck off Gerard.” Frank said, taking a deep drag.
“Frank, why can’t you get over it? It was so many years ago…”
“But it feels like you dumped me only yesterday! You dumped me for a cocaine addict!” Frank yelled, cutting Gerard off.
“Don’t say that Frank…”
“It’s only the truth! You told me that you wanted drugs and alcohol out of your life for good! I even stopped drinking for you! And what do you do? You go straight back to it, you married it!”
“For fuck sake’s Frank! Stop being a complete fuck-wit!” Gerard yelled back.
“I can’t when the man that I love is with someone else!” Frank threw his smoke onto the ground and stormed off.
“YOU CAN’T KEEP WALKING AWAY FROM THINGS YOU CAN’T ACCEPT FRANK!” Gerard yelled after him. All he got in reply was Frank’s middle finger rised as high as possible.
Gerard walked back into the lounge room where Lynd-z and Jamia were sitting on the couch, staring at Gerard with disbelief.
“You heard didn’t you.” Gerard stated as he stared back. A single tear fell down Lynd-z’s face as she nodded. Gerard walked over to her and hugged her.
“Don’t worry babe. I would never leave you. Not even for Frank. He just needs to get over from something that happened between us before I met you.” He said, giving her a soft kiss.
“I’m going to find Frank. Congratulations again guys.” Jamia said getting up and leaving.
“Gerard…he’s…he’s…” Jamia sobbed through the phone
“What’s the matter? Is it Frank?” Gerard asked
“Please tell me Mia.” Gerard said, concerned about why she was crying. He really didn’t want to know what was wrong with Frank. He was too afraid.
“He’s gone…and I don’t know where!”
“Alright. Me and Lynz will be right around.”
“Please hurry” Jamia pleaded before hanging up. Gerard walked into the lounge room and sat beside Lynd-z.
“Frank’s run off. Are you okay to come around to look after Mia while me and Mikey look for him?”
“Of corse!” Lynd-z said, allowing Gerard to help her up. They quickly drove around to Frank and Jamia’s house where there were already three other cars parked there. When Gerard knocked on the door, Bob answered it and let them in.
“I-I checked anywhere h-he may have b-been…” Jamia stuttered as Lynd-z shushed her and put her arm around her. Lynd-z looked up at Gerard, who had already started heading towards the door. Mikey, Bob and Ray soon followed him out.
“I want you guys to check all the bars.” Gerard ordered.
“What about you?” Mikey asked.
“I have a hunch.” Gerard said, walking off in the opposite direction. He walked as quickly as his legs would let him to West Hudson Park and crossed the bridge. There was a private spot where him and Frank would disappear to when they wanted to be alone.
When he reached it, he found a bloody knife lying on the ground infront of the trunk of the tree, where he scratched in ‘G.W LOVES F.I 4 EVA'. A tear ran down his face when he saw it. He knew Frank has done something idiotic. He walked around to the other side of the tree, where he found Frank’s limp body lying there covered in blood. Gerard’s heart stopped. Gerard dropped to his knees and stared into the lifeless eyes of his ex-boyfriend.
“What have you done?” Gerard whispered. He picked up Frank’s cold, dead hands and held them in his own. In one of Frank’s hands however, was a scrunched up piece of paper. Gerard read it outloud to himself.
I’m sorry. But I couldn’t stand another day seeing you with her. You were my life. My reason for being. But knowing that you don’t want to be with me ever again, well, there’s really point for me living a lie huh? I was broken. I still am. I wish you could understand how I feel. Then, maybe, just maybe, we could have been together once again.
Tell Jamia and the other’s that I'm sorry and to continue on without me. The way I had to continue on without you.
I still love you, Gerard Arthur Way. And I will forever keep you in my still and broken heart.
Gerard’s entire body began to tremble as he read the last three words. Then with sudden strength, he lifted himself up and picked up Frank’s corps and walked back to Jamia’s. He walked the entire way, ignoring the people in the streets staring at him. He pushed away people who were trying to stop him from going any further. He finally arrived back. And he let everyone inside know it by kicking open the door.
“Gerard we’ve been…” Mikey stopped after realising that Gerard was carrying Frank’s body in his arms.
“Oh my God.” Mikey muttered as he slid down against the wall and bringing his knees up close to his chest. Gerard walked through to where he heard voices. Everyone had migrated from the kitchen to the lounge room. When Jamia saw Frank in Gerard’s arms, she let out a high pitched scream and broke down in Alicia’s arms. Everyone else just stared at him as tears streamed down their faces. Ray and Bob got up off of the couch they were sitting on to allow Gerard to place Frank down on. Instead, Gerard turned around and carried Frank into the spare bedroom and placed him gently and carefully on the ready-made bed.
“Frank…” Gerard’s voice cracked as the reality of what Frank had done had finally hit him. His vision became blurry as he rushed into the adjoined bathroom and vomited. After rinsing his mouth out, he went back into the bedroom and lied down next to Frank’s dead body and held it close to him as a river of tears ran down his face and landed on Frank’s cheek.
“F-Frankie…I'm…I'm…I'm so sorry babe…” Gerard choked out. The room began to spin around him.
“I…I still love you Frankie…please…please come back to me…PLEASE FRANKIE!!!” Gerard screamed.
“I can’t live without you Frankie! Please! I need you! I need you here with me! I don’t want you here Frankie, I need you…” Gerard trailed off, knowing that talking to a dead corpse will not bring him back.
“Friends and family, we are here to celebrate the life of someone we love. Although he took his own life, we must remember all the good times. Frank Anthony Iero truly was a good friend, son and lover…” Gerard zoned out after the minister said ‘lover’. Because that’s what Frank was to him. His lover.
As Gerard reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet, he looked over at the opened coffin at his lover. After retrieving his wallet, he opened it and found a picture of them when they were going out. Frank was sitting at a table at a place they used to hang out at talking to Bob when Gerard snuck up behind him, scaring him half to death. Gerard apologised and wrapped an arm around Frank’s shoulder and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
The funeral was just about over and they were about to lower the coffin into the ground. They were given permission to go up to the coffin and say one final goodbye. Gerard was the last one left standing beside the coffin when Lynd-z came up behind him.
“We’re going back to Jamia’s now for coffee. Are you coming?” she asked him.
“I’ll come later. I…just wanna say goodbye.”
“You’ve been saying goodbye for almost 30 minutes babe…”
“I don’t care! I hurt him! I'm the reason he’s about to be put in the ground Lindsay! You wouldn’t understand so would you just GET LOST!” Lynd-z stood back in shock. This was the first time he’s ever used her proper name. She turned away from Gerard and began to walk to the car in tears. Gerard just continued to stare at the coffin.
“Frankie. I'm sorry I did this to you…” he got onto his knees “but if I could rewind back to when I told you that it was over between us…” he moved in closer to the coffin
“I wouldn’t say those nasty words I said and…” he got closer to Frank’s face
“I would be able to taste you again.” He said as he lightly kissed Frank’s still lips.
“But don’t worry Frank. We’ll be together again. I promise.” Gerard placed the photo in Frank’s hands that were sitting on his chest. Gerard also pulled out a piece of folded paper and unfolded it, placing it next to Frank’s body. On it, it read the lyrics to a song a fan gave to them when they were in Japan. It had become ‘their’ song.
‘Along with the painful things- almost to the point of forgetting-
I'm thinking of you
The more I count the night’s on which we don’t meet,
Anxiety grows in my chest
Collecting different types of loneliness; please don’t cry alone
No matter how far apart we are, let’s go on believing in each other
I want to remain smiling like this somehow
Without hurting you
Those emotions that had faded away with time,
I don’t want to feel them again
Even if your feelings grow distant tomorrow
Surely my love will remain unchanged
Even I pass from your heart tomorrow
Surely my love will remain unchanged
Please have eyes only for me
Please don’t let go of my hand
I will walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to future in which you are…’
The coffin lid was closed and it was beginning to be lowered into the ground. As Gerard watched the coffin sinking, his eyes widened and he suddenly jumped ontop of the coffin.
“NO! YOU CAN’T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME! NO! LET GO OF ME! LET ME GO!! PLEASE! FRANKIE!!! FRANKIE!!!” He screamed at the top of his lunges as two large men pulled him off it. Gerard began to panic as dirt was being pushed into the rectangle hole.
“NO!! FRANKIE!! FRANKIE!!!” He continued to scream as his eyes began to turn a violent red colour due to the amount of tears that spilled from his eyes.
Three months had passed since Frank’s funeral. Three months since Gerard practically disappeared off the face of the planet. He spent every second of his days and nights in his room. Lynd-z had moved out and living with her parents because of Gerard’s anti-social behaviour.
Gerard hadn’t gone with Lynd-z to the doctor when she began to have server pains in her stomach, he didn’t go out to see his brother and friends, he didn’t even shower. He stayed in his bed, lying with one of Frank’s shirts that smelt like him. He held it up close to him and inhaled Frank’s scent.
The severity of his depression caused Mikey to called the doctor around, who declared that Gerard was mentally ill needed to spend some time in a ‘special facility’, which translated to Mikey as a ‘psych ward’. Gerard was sent to the closest facility as soon as possible. But when they tried to take Frank’s shirt off him, which Mikey advised they didn’t, he went into a fit of rage.
“NO! YOU CAN’T TAKE FRANKIE AWAY FROM ME AS WELL! HE ALREADY DID AND I CAN’T LET YOU TOO!” He screamed. They allowed Gerard to keep Frank’s shirt with him in his cell. Gerard had remained there until he was allowed to be sent home for the first time in 3 years for a visit for two days with Mikey. By that time, Mikey and Alicia had a little boy, who they called Gerard Frank Way and Lynd-z had a miscarriage, but was yet again pregnant to someone else.
On the first night, Mikey said goodnight to Gerard and shut the door to the guestroom. The next morning, Mikey went in to wake Gerard up. But instead, he found him hanging off the top of the raised bed by the throat. Mikey, like Gerard, found a note in his hand.
I promised Frank that I’d be with him soon. Take care of everyone. I'm sorry there wasn’t an easier way. I couldn’t go back. They had me on a cocktail of meds and they tried to take the last thing I have of Frankie away from me. I couldn’t let them do that. I was a broken sole without his scent and without him.
Take care of mom, dad, Ray, Bob, Alicia, and my cute little nephew Gerard. Love you Mikey. And don’t worry me and Frank will watch over you. So if you commit suicide too, I’ll know and I’ll kick your ass when you join us. Ha ha ha. Miss you little bro.