“…I know, I know. Why would he want anything to do with me? I mean, I’m 22, and I live with my mother. I’ve never had a job, I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I’m still a virgin. He can have so much better than me. And I know what you’re gonna say, ‘Don’t be like that, Gerard. You shouldn’t doubt yourself.’ But I mean, come on! What would he, an 18 year old college student, want with me, a 22 year old sitting at home no income momma’s boy?
“You know, you’re really easy to talk to. You sit and listen while I bitch. And you just sit there. You don’t judge either. Thanks Kitty.” I patted her head and she licked my hand. She was so easy to talk to. She is always there for me whenever I need to let loose.
I sighed and decided that it was time for me to go to bed. My walk with Frank was so great. I got to know him a little better and that’s what I wanted. I just wanted to be closer to him. I’ve only known him for a few days and already I’ve fallen hard.
I sighed again and lay down on my bed. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.
“Hey, Gerard,” Mikey said as I walked into the kitchen. I smiled and sat down at the table. I could smell that mom was making something, and it smelled good.
“What are you making mom?” I asked.
“Waffles and I’m not burning them either!” my mom laughed.
“We had them not too long ago and she almost burnt the house down. It smelled for weeks,” I said, causing them to laugh.
“Ha, that reminds me. One time Frank was making this microwave noodle stuff and he forgot to put the water in. He ruined the bowl it was in and the whole floor smelled for a month,” Mikey said. Someone started laughing behind us, which was probably Frank.
“Yea, I can still remember that smell…” he said, sitting down next to me. It felt like butterflies were let loose in my stomach. I tried to forget that he was next to me, in hopes that they would go away, but they didn’t.
I stood up and walked out of the kitchen. I went up the stairs and into the bathroom. I sat down on the edge of the tub and put my head in my hands. I’ve never felt that before in my life. It was so weird…
I think he hates me. I mean, yesterday we went for a walk but even then it was like he was trying to stay away from me.
I know I’m not the most handsome guy out there, but that wouldn’t really matter to him. He is blind. But he can still smell… I shower daily. I don’t smell that bad I don’t think. Maybe I should ask Mikey…
“Where’d Gerard go?” Donna asked. Mikey shrugged and I shook my head. I guess she saw the look on my face because she asked if I was Ok.
“Yea, I just have a headache,” I lied. I don’t think she bought it but she didn’t say anything else about it.
After we had eaten I went to my room. I still haven’t seen or heard Gerard. He’s probably avoiding me. I was going through my wallet when Mikey walked in.
“What are you looking for?” he asked me.
“Nothing,” I said. He started laughing.
“Then what are you doing?”
“I don’t know,” I said. I really didn’t know what I was doing. I was just trying to preoccupy myself. Get my mind off of him.
“Frank, I know what you’re thinking, and no, he doesn’t hate you,” he told me. I put down my wallet and looked at him.
“Of course he does. When I sat down this morning he got up and left and I haven’t seen him since. And when we were walking, it felt like he was trying to stay away from me,” I said, getting emotional. I really didn’t want to break down in front of Mikey. I got off of the bed and went over by the window.
“No he doesn’t. He just doesn’t know how to act. He’s never been with anybody else before. He’s never… been in love before.” That shocked me.
“You… you think he loves me?” I asked, almost stunned.
“I think he thinks so.”