The coffee tastes bitter. Everything's paler in my eyes. It doesn't show on the outside, but today I don't know what happened. It was weird.
Everything hurts, on the inside and out. I don't know what it is.
I want to be myself. I want to be normal. I don't want to be this. There was a time when I wouldn't eat, there was a time when I used to throw up what I ate. Even if it doesn't seem like it. Part of me misses that. There was a time when I cut myself. Part of me misses that.
My throat hurts and everything fucked. I know I should stop smoking, but fuck it.
When I'm like this I can't think about me, my feelings that much. It's so hard. I can't. I just it all out until I can be happy again, whenever my mind lets me to be happy.
Why am I not normal?
Why don't I believe in a God?
Why do I have to be like this?
Why, why, why?
I want help.
I don't want help.
There's Fionnuala and there's Fin. I don't know which one I am. I don't know who I am.
I don't know.