Max Bemis (of Say Anything) & co. Crazy disorder and struggling relationships.
Just an intro.
My body felt fluffy and light. Like a cloud, floating aimlessly
through the sky. With no real purpose, but to simply remain there
until I felt so baked, I evaporated into the deep blue, bedtime air.
Or until I was filled with so many troubled thoughts that the rain
would pour out of me in uncontrollable crying. Either one would shake
me down to my core, and either one would end in despair, right?
I could feel her foggy, thick breaths blowing lightly onto my neck
like humid wind, carrying me wherever it wanted, but still keeping me
grounded. Her dark hair blanketing my pastey arms like warm rays of
Sun. Yet, instead of shining right through me; it comforted.
My eyelids tried to droop shut, exausted considering the time, but
a sensation that felt like someone was cruely torching my eyes caused
them to spring back up. Odd that tonight would have to be the night I
have trouble sleeping. My first night back from a seemingly never-
ending tour. A tour that I was half-awake through; sleeping every hour
and high as a kite through the other half. My lack of energy and
enthusiasm wasn't exactly what the kids wanted to see, but fuck that's
all I had to give.
Would my energy ever be granted back to me? When's our next tour
going to be? Our new album? Should I be writing new music? Do the fans
even care anymore? Do I care anymore? Do I even want to continue with
this shit? A shiver that not even her body could warm wracked
throughout my body like thunder. Those questions felt like deadly
lightning. The crippling part was that I had no answer to any of those
strikes. I could feel a storm coming inside me; all of this just an
inkling that it was going to end severely.
With all the pressure I could muster up from lack of energy, I kept
my eyes shut, letting the flooding tears wash away the imaginary
flames that currently licked at my eyes. Anxiety began strangling me
to unneeded (but WANTED) sleep. Fear that she would wake up and see me
like this kept the thundering shivers going. Finally, as salty, almost
random tears began streaming, I fell into the pleasant, dreamy
darkness of sleep. Almost as comforting as her touch, as cynical as
that may sound.
What's wrong with me?
I'd just like to apologize again for how shitty this uploads from my iPhone to ficwad. The sentences always end up looking a little weird.