Would you pull the trigger?
How many will die?
I will die,
I will say yes,
Fear, angst, chaos all slowly echoing through the hall. The hall. Locker covered walls, cold white floors freshly cleaned by the poor son of a bitch that wasted his life and had to spend the rest of it in school grounds. Ironically, the poor guy was probably a drop-out, and so the circle all around.
High school was walking in circles, failing and trying to keep your head above the surface. But that was so hard with all those sharks around. Waiting for fresh innocent meat to sink there teethes in.
It was the rule of the ocean, the Serengeti, high school. If you were weak you would get eaten alive, devoured and spit out. Because you where a misfit, ugly wrong and trash.
He'd been eaten up alive, spit out, avoided. Trash. For some reason he wasn't good enough to be alive, just a waste of air and too much room. He'd been trying to live like a shadow, but even that wasn't good enough.
Pain was a tough thing expressing, let's just say he came home from hell and knew he had to go back there the next day. Over and over. It never stopped, it seemed endless. Fear, always have to watch every move you make, knowing every move would be the wrong one.
He'd asked himself why he was so ugly. It couldn't be the way he dressed because they had to wear uniforms. He tried, he really tried to see what made him so ugly and wrong. But he couldn't find it. However he'd tried to cut the wrong things out of him, cut it out, end it. But he couldn't. Because fear was a powerful emotion, but hatred was an even stronger one. And it growled and crawled underneath his skin, the skin he marked like his soul got marked every damn time. Every fucking day.
Fear, angst and chaos. It echoed through the hall, slowly dying. All that remained was a boy, a small boy and even though his age made him close to legally adult he felt more like a boy then a man. A frightened boy led by that rage boiling under his skin. It got to strong, it didn't work anymore. He couldn't bleed it out. It felt like he was burning inside, fire smothering her. He even had trouble breathing.
His footsteps were the only sound right now, the whole world seemed to hold its breath. Now all the sudden everyone paid attention towards him and it felt good, so fucking good to be the center of attention without losing your dignity. Without wanting to die in shame while you got shoved into your locker or had to pick up the inside of your bag that lay spread and broken all around the hall.
The school bell rang, but no herds of students came running out of the dusty and smelly classrooms. No sound, just his footsteps. The silence started to get to him, so he hummed a song. A stupid little song, a song they learned on elementary school, the pre-brainwash center. Like sheep made ready for the slaughter, fed with cheap lies, rules about the afterlife.
Like every Sunday, he got told he was a sinner. Born to sin and they all could only pray to the good old lord for their souls to keep. Well if that was the way to heaven he rather went to hell. If he got puked out by the people that believed they were good and pure he wanted to make a drastic change.
He wanted to make a statement he wanted to get even for all the times he felt like dying. He wanted to have his revenge because nobody seemed to care. Not even the great father of them all.
He stood in front of the library, good another dictator to get rid of. Books, silence, The book. Getting beat up till bleeding on the other side of the large room. Today he was getting rid of his demons.He opened the door and hesitated in the doorway. Then he saw one of them peek up from underneath a desk.
Two things reflected in his eyes, fear and panic. And he would create a third, silence. He got closer and looked under the desk. A guy, larger, stronger and in social class much higher than he was and ever would be. Still, fear and panic, just by one simple thing. And they both knew it.
He got out a little book, the little book. He threw it at the boy’s feet.
“Do you believe in God?”
The boy stared up at him and his eyes told him yes.
And the Lord had a new soul to keep.
It didn't hurt, it only stirred up his adrenaline. It bothered him his white shirt got so crimson already, so spoiled and unclean. He continued his walk through the library. Asking the same question, Do you believe in God? All the eyes told him yes.
He whipped off the warm sticky liquid that ran down his chin. It still didn't hurt.
They shall not steal, BANG, he just did.
They shall not make yourself an idol, BANG, he just became a name, a someone.
They shall no murder, BANG.
Just two and he made the ten commitments. A new classroom, one teacher he vaguely remembered yet not by name. The man mentioned his wife and kid, BANG.
He stared into the classroom, a few students still remained sitting under their desk and he could hear the police encircling the school grounds. He smiled and wrote down something on the black board.
You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God.
He answered his own question. “Do you believe in God?”
And then he pulled the trigger.
I remember writing this one-shot drabble while listening to Cassie, by Flyleaf. I wrote this a while ago and a few weeks back I watched the movie Klass and I watched a little bit of Elephant. I think it’s sick that a kid can walk into a school and kill another. I think its sick this happens, I think it’s sick that you can bully a person on such degree that he/she can be capable of such action. Also I liked to add religion into fics a lot because it puzzles and amazes me.
Do you believe in God?