Their first time.
Anna shifted her body so that she could look into his eyes, “I have no experience.” She whispered feeling unsure, frightened and terribly excited, “But that is what I want to do now.”
Of all the things he could have expected her to say this was not one of them. He felt his heart rate quicken as he looked into her eyes. Words failed him.
Anna was confused by his silence. “I am sorry.” She lowered his gaze. “That was very forward of me.”
His fingers quickly went to her chin to tilt her face up. “Anna, don’t be sorry.”
Her eyes still would not meet his, “You are worried about my inexperience.”
“Oh fuck no.” He shook his head, “No.” he struggled to explain, “It’s just that I know this will truly be the first time you’ll be make love to and I want it to be perfect for you.”
His words touched her heart. “You said the other night that what I did was beautiful.”
“Yes” He felt himself harden at the memory of her hands on him.
“When you said that it made me feel beautiful. Knowing that my actions brought you pleasure made me feel that way.”
He stroked her cheek, “You are so beautiful.” He whispered feeling himself getting lost in her eyes.
“I want to feel that way again. Bringing you pleasure is what I want.”
Gerard nodded. “But I want to give you pleasure too.”
Anna spoke what was in her heart and mind, “I need to do this. I need to know that I can be with you and not be afraid.”
He considered her words carefully and he understood. “A first step.”
“Yes” she moved closer and kissed his lips gently. Breaking away she added, “I had hoped you would understand. I want to be able to touch you, feel your need without fear.”
Pure hatred for the man who had raped her coursed through his veins. He understood perfectly what she was telling him. “I will never hurt you Anna.”
“I believe that with my whole heart.” She whispered.
He forced his mind to work knowing there was something they had to discuss before this went any further. “I want you to know I brought protection. I don’t want you to worry about anything.”
Immediately tears came to her eyes. “Oh.”
“Anna?” He cupped her face in his hands, “What?”
“I never thought.” She stumbled to find the right words, “I should have, I am sorry.”
“I don’t understand?”
A single tear rolled down her cheek, “I am unable to bear children. The attack left me barren.”
“Oh shit.” Gerard muttered. “Oh Anna, I’m sorry.”
“The doctors did what they could but the damage was too severe.” Her tears began to fall. “I did not tell you the whole truth about the attack. I know in my mind I have blocked out much of what he did to me. I can not speak of it.” She sobbed.
“I am so fuckin’ sorry, Sugar.” He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly while she cried tears for the memory so long buried. Finally when there were no more tears her voice shook.
Anna had to know, “Does this change the way you feel about me?’
He pulled back to look directly into her eyes, “No, not at all.”
“But..” He put his finger to her lips to silence her.
“It doesn’t matter to me, believe me. I am just sorry for what you went through. Sorry and so angry there aren’t words.”
She laid her head on his chest, “Thank you.” She whispered.
He scooted slightly so that his back was against the sofa then gently pulled Anna to him so he could hold her in his arms. “It’s okay, Sugar.” He whispered. “It’s okay.”
Minutes passed as they held each other. The only sound in the room was the crackling fire. Anna finally took a deep breath and whispered, “I did not mean for this to ruin our night together. I will not let it.”
Gerard was unsure what to do. As much as he wanted this woman he was afraid that the wounds that had been opened up for her were too much. “Anna, just holding you is enough.”
She understood his thoughts were only for her well-being. Still she would not let anything ruin this chance. She sat up and looked into his eyes, “I do not want to be afraid anymore. I want to touch you, I want you to touch me.” She added in a whisper, “I want to know what love feels like.”
He pushed a long strand of hair from her face, “Then I want you to take the lead. I want you to do only what you are comfortable doing.”
Anna nodded then leaned forward to press her lips to his. The kiss started out sweet, gentle. She pressed her body to his but he wasn’t enough. Leaning back slightly she loosened her robe and pushed it from her shoulders. She heard Gerard’s swift intake of breath when he saw her naked breasts. Anna reached down and loosened his robe then pushed it from his shoulders. Once his chest was bare she placed her arms around his neck and pressed her body to his. “Oh” she moaned softly.
Gerard caressed her bare back lightly as she slowly moved against him. The feel of her soft skin was heaven and hell. He tried to control the overwhelming desire that was coursing through him. This had to be slow for her.
Her lips suddenly left his and slowly she left a trail of kisses down his chin and neck. He could feel her breathing becoming rapid as her lips pressed against the side of his neck.
Anna could feel his heart beating under her lips. The sound filled her mind, his smell filled her senses. Her mouth opened a brief moment before she forced herself to sit back. It was too much.
Gerard saw the desire in her eyes. “Only want you want. Anna.” He whispered.
She nodded slightly then moved away but only to completely part his robe. When she was how hard and ready he was she momentarily stilled.
“Look at me.” His voice was soft. He waited until her eyes were on him. “I would never hurt you.”
Fear and excitement both overwhelmed her. With trembling hands she reached out and gently touched him. She could feel his hard member throbbing in her hands. Slowly with her eyes still on him she began to stroke. Gerard tried not to move, tried not to moan in pleasure. Her question broke his heart.
“Am I doing this correctly?”
“Oh Sugar.” His voice was shaky, “Yeah, perfect.”
Anna smiled slightly. Her fingers continued to stroke him from base to tip. She could see the desire building in his eyes, she could feel it with her finger tips. Gazing into his eyes once more for courage she dipped her head, opened her mouth and slowly took just his tip inside. The moan that escaped his lips encouraged her.
Gerard slowly reached down and pushed her long hair out of the way so he could see her face. He wanted to see her mouth as it made love to him. “So good, Anna.” He whispered.
Anna was becoming lost in the sensation. This act, one that she had written about in her books, was something she had never truly understood before now. Knowing that she was giving him pleasure gave her a sense of power and overwhelming happiness. Her tongue began to swirl around the velvety tip before moving down to the base.
“Oh fuck that feels good.” He uttered closing his eyes a moment.
Her trembling fingers moved down to lightly massage his balls as she continued to move her mouth over him. She could feel him harden even more.
He knew that if she didn’t stop soon he would explode. Gently he reached out to touch her shoulder. “Anna, stop.” He said brokenly.
Her head shot up not understanding his request.
Gerard smiled, “Sugar, you’re gonna make me cum and I don’t want that yet. I want to touch you.” He looked into her eyes, “Do you want that?”
Anna nodded not trusting her voice.
She sat up and he pushed himself away from the sofa. Slowly he pushed her back on to the plush rug. His breath caught as he pulled open her robe to reveal her body to him. “So beautiful.” He whispered letting his eyes drink in the sight of her pale flawless skin in the glow of the fire.
Anna kept her eyes on him. She held her breath when he leaned down to kiss her right breast. He could feel her heart pounding. When his tongue flicked around her nipple she held her breath, when he began to gently suck it into his mouth she moaned softly.
Gerard made sure to go slow with every action he was doing. Often he glanced up to check the expression on her face. Always her eyes were open, watching him.
He repeated his actions on her other breast slowly but this time he softly brushed his fingers down her body to the soft curls. He was encouraged when she slowly parted her legs. Now his fingers could feel her heat. With is fingertip he very carefully began to massage her nub.
Anna slightly lifted her hips to meet his fingers.
“Does that feel good?” He whispered.
“Yes” She hissed, “So good.”
He looked into her face then scooted his body down so that his mouth was even with her womanly core. She watched him closely through hooded eyes as he gently took his fingers and parted her lips opening her up to his tongue. He saw her fingers dig into the carpet so he quickly looked up.
“Please” Anna whispered lifting her hand to place it on his back. She nudged him foreword, “Do not stop.”
He smiled then lowered his mouth again. Anna could feel a building tension inside her she’d never felt before.
His tongue flicked her wet slit teasingly and he heard her moan again. Over and over his mouth continued to make love to her. The feeling coming over her was overwhelming.
“I want…” Her words trailed off. She wanted him inside her but she could not say it.
Gerard lifted his head and looked into her eyes. Slowly he moved to position his body over hers. Suddenly she closed her eyes and he could feel her body tense.
“Anna, open your eyes. Look at me and know what we are doing is pure and good. If you don’t want this right now I understand.”
Her eyes flew open. “I do want this.”
His tip was poised at her hot, wet opening, “At anytime if you want me to stop I will, you understand that?”
She nodded, “I understand.”
He pushed into her very slowly. She was so tight he was afraid he would cause her pain.
"Please.” Her arms were on his back urging him on.
He pulled out slightly then entered her a bit further this time. Their eyes were locked on each other. Once again he pulled out slightly then moved insider her slowly.
“Oh” Anna moaned softly.
“Am I hurting you?” He whispered.
She was honest, “A little pain but I can feel what is coming.”
“Let it build slowly, Sugar.” He leaned down and kissed her lips while pushing into her completely. He heard her sharp intake of breath and stilled.
Anna’s fingers stroked his back, “Please. I need to feel you move inside me.”
Gently he began to move in and out feeling his own need growing. Anna arched her back slightly to meet his thrusts. The feeling building inside her grew stronger. It threatened to overwhelm her. Suddenly she was frightened, not because of what he was doing but because she was afraid it would cause her to lost control.
Gerard leaned down to nuzzle her neck leaving wet open mouth kisses on her soft skin. The moans that escaped her lips were music to his ears. He continued to thrust inside her, his lips moving up to her ear.
“This feels so right.” He whispered, his breath becoming ragged.
Anna closed her eyes as the waves of passion began to crash over her, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his thrusting became deeper and quicker.
He lifted head and saw that she’d closed her eyes. “Anna, look at me.” He was so close yet would force himself to stop if it was what she needed.
Still her eyes remained tightly shut. He lifted himself up on his arms to look down at her. Anna was afraid he would stop. Her arms pulled him down, her lips found his. Momentarily he was shocked by the intensity of the kiss. Her tongue plunged into his mouth as she lifted her hips burying him deeply inside her. A moment later he felt her muscles tighten around him and she cried out his name.
Gerard realized in that instant that he could let go. He leaned his head back as his release came hard and quick. As he filled her he looked into her eyes and was shocked to see that in the firelight they seemed to flash from deep within.
“Oh Sugar.” He all but fell on her body completely drained. “Please tell me that was as good for you.”
Anna reached out to brush the wet hair from his eyes, “I never dreamed it would feel like that.” She whispered.
Gerard smiled as he rolled off her on to his side. He was still inside her not yet ready to break the connection of their bodies. Anna continued to keep her arms around him holding him close.
“That was beautiful.” She whispered.
“Yeah.” He nodded trying to catch his breath. “I could stay like this all night.”
Anna snuggled close to him. “Thank you for being so gentle.” She buried her face against his chest.
"I didn’t want you to be afraid.” He admitted. “That’s why I wanted you to keep your eyes open so that you could see it was me loving you.”
Anna could not have imagined a more perfect moment. She kissed his chest feeling his heart beat beneath her lips.