FicWad: fresh-picked original and fan fiction

Okay so...this is my first time actually trying to make a 'funny' story. I'm not so good at writing funny stuff so here it goes. Tell me what you think!

"Mr.Malkovich, the show starts in two minutes!" the director called into the dressing room that belonged to the almighty Joey Malkovich.

Joey just nodded, still checking himself out in the mirror. He smiled, showing all his purely whites and winked. "Who's one hot motherfucker? Yeah thats right. You are!" he said to his reflection. There was a loud sound of a person clearing their throat. Joey turned around to see a man holding a clipboard in his hands. "What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy here?"

"Um the show starts in forty seconds." the man said.

"Forty seconds?! Why didn't you tell me earlier!" Joey said, pushing his feet into his shoes.

"I tried...but you were looking at yourself in the mirror..." he was trying not to laugh.
**
JOey fixed himself up as the announcer introduced him. Joey walked onto the stage waving and smiling his million dollar (literally) smile. The audience cheered loudly as Joey sat in one of the chairs.

"Welcome to the show everyone! I would like to start the show off by introducing our guest today! Please welcome Kelly Cobain!" Kelly walked onto the stage and sat on the chair next to Joey, trying not to cry. "Kelly can you tell us why you're here?"

"Well, I have a one year old son named Joseph Zachary." a picture of the baby came up on the screen. The audience let out a lot of 'Aww's!' Kelly started to cry.

"Kelly whats upsetting you?" Joey asked.

She sniffed. "I don't think that JZ...I mean Joseph. Thats his little nickname. I don't think Joseph is my boyfriend's baby." she choked out.

"Why do you think that?"

"'Cause I cheated on him with his best friend..." The room was filled with 'Ooo's' from the audience. Kelly frowned. "It's not my fault he is so damn sexy all the time!"

Joey cleared his throat. "Well, lets bring out her boyfriend. Everybody welcome Frank!" Joey said.

Frank walked onto the stage with a huge grin in his face. He tripped in his own feet and tumbled down the stairs. The audience laughed as Frank jumped back on his feet. He rushed over to Joey, nearly falling again.

"Oh my God, Mr.Malkovich I'm such a big fan of this show! I love you more than Ellen!" Frank shook his hand.

"Thanks Frank. Can you please take a seat next to Kelly." Joey said. Frank sat gingerly on the chair. "Now Frank, do you know why you're here?" Joey asked.

"Umm.." Frank thought for a couple seconds. "Nope." he shook his head.

"Frank, I cheated on you." Kelly said. "And the baby might not even be yours."

"What?! Who'd you sleep with now!? Mom was right, you're a whore." Frank said angrily.

"I am not a whore!" Kelly said looking at Joey for help.

"Joey don't listen to her! She has probably slept with the whole state!" Frank yelled, bouncing up and down in his chair like a little kid.

"Not true! I haven't slept with that guy who just moved in from across the street! So after him. it'll be the whole state."

Kelly and Frank started to argue. Joey cleared his throat nervously. "Let's bring out Gerard!" he said.

"Jesus Christ Kelly! Gerard! Really? He doesen't even know whats going on half the time!" Frank said as Gerard sat down.

"Well to me he is just sooo sexy." Kelly said eyeing Gerard up and down.

"Welcome to the show Gerard." Joey said. He grumbled a 'thanks' Joey sighed. "So Gerard, Kelly says you two slept together?"

"Who hasn't slept with her?" he answered calmly. "She probably fucked every guy living in this state."

"See?! i told you!" Frank said, throwing his arms up in the air.

Frank and Kelly started to argue again while Gerard just sat there, looking bored out of his mind. The director handed Joey an envelope.

"Okay the results are in!" Frank and Kelly stopped arguing immediatley. "In the case of one year old Joseph Zachary Gerard...you are NOT the father!" JOey glanced up to see Gerard's reaction. He was looking up at the ceiling, not paying any attention whatsoever. Joey heard Kelly sigh dreamily. "Oookayy. In the case of one ye-"

"Just say it!" Frank said.

Joey scowled. "Frank...you are NOT the father!"

Kelly jumped from her chair and ran backstage crying. Joey followed.

"Ha! I told you she was a no-good slut!" Frank said, hitting Gerard lightly on the arm.

Gerard looked at Frank. "Huh?"

"Joseph isn't my kid!"

"Who the fuck in Joseph?" Gerard asked.

"Kelly's kid!" Frank answered.

"Kelly has a fucking kid?! SInce when??"

Frank shook his head slowly. "Where have you been for the last year?"

Joey and Kelly came back onstage. Frank and Kelly started yelling at each other. Gerard got out of his chair.

"Fuck this! I missed macroni night for this?! I don't even know whats going on! I'm going home!" he stormed off.

JOey turned to the audience. "That's it for tonight folks! Stay tuned for next weeks episode 'You Put What In Your Mouth?!' Goodnight everybody and thanks for watching.""""

HAs anybody seen that show "Robot Chicken"? It was nothing to do with a robot or a chicken. I was severly disappoitned. So anyways....tell me what you think about this random story! It's about 1:oo on the morning so if there is spelling mistakes or something I'll fix them later...maybe! xD"""

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