Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Mistake:Revised

Intelligence, Get Some

by Chshre 6 Reviews

In which the rest of the world find out Harry has left.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst - Characters: Harry,Hermione,Ron - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2010/07/08 - Updated: 2010/07/08 - 1715 words

Reviews

  • The Mistake:Revised

    (#) Darkmark66 2010-07-08 01:00:12 PM

    Good chapter I am so happy Harry is free I always thought Harry would never be left alone once the Dark Lord was dead, too many people would want to control him.

    I am glad Harry is away from his former friends I hope he cuts all links with them and creates a new life and to be happy.
  • The Mistake:Revised

    (#) dennisud 2010-07-08 07:18:20 PM

    First its well written and draws in the reader to not only care about the characters but wants to see where this will lead.
    My one critique is that with this being set after Voldyfarts buys it, and that Harry & Hermione not only have a romance but marry only to see that die because of a sole incident where Hermione would have checked all her sources as she is above all things a bookworm and a top knotch researcher?
    No if anything this is more like a 'Ginny' sort of reaction.

    But as I said this is well written so I'll stick it out and see if they can reconcile, cause if this goes to canon pairings it would be a waste of time imho.

    Author's response

    I get your point about Hermione, but she struck me as the kind of person who after always relying on logic and books for answers, love would be the one thing she couldn't.

    I've learned that sometimes falling in love, you can't help the baser reactions, ie in this case jealousy. Besides I dislike canon pairings though sometimes, they might serve a larger purpose in the bigger picture.

    But thanks for your commentary, hope you'll continue reading. I'll be updating very soon
  • The Mistake:Revised

    (#) siledubhghlase 2010-07-08 09:39:16 PM

    I don't know what problem people have with your story, here. I had tears in my eyes because I could almost feel Harry's hurt when Hermione tossed him out like that without even hearing him out.

    I understand that it hurts to discover your significant other "might" have cheated on you, but in all fairness, what might be probably isn't. Hermione--ever so logical--didn't bother to keep that in perspective.

    I don't blame Harry for leaving, especially when people who professed to love him dragged his name through the mud over something that was none of their business in the first place. I've had people turn on me and it's like being shot with arrows right through the heart. Harry has trust issues as it is, and this just shattered any trust he had for the people in his life. They've got a long road ahead of them if they think they're going to regain it, because Harry doesn't trust very easily or very often.

    Ron and Hermione--Harry's best friends. At least they're harboring some guilt for their stupidity. I just hope it isn't too late now.

    Mechanically, you have a couple of errors, but nothing horrible. They need to be addressed, but they're not detracting from the story at all. You're doing fine.

    And as for people telling you how to write your story or who to pair who up with, forget that. This is YOUR story, so you write it however you want to. GOOD JOB!

    Author's response

    Thanks a lot for your helpful comments. I'm glad I'm getting across some of the pain and anguish that people are supposed to feel after such a detraction of trust.

    As for the mechanical errors, I know they're there. Sorry for that. The thing is that I catch some of them not all though. And I wanted to get this story down before the idea completely dries up.

    I'll update soon, I have three chapters ready and waiting just waiting for some polish. Thanks for reading, hope you continue to leave comments!
  • The Mistake:Revised

    (#) BJH 2010-07-09 01:49:13 PM

    Interesting story, I hope you update soon. I like how all the Weasleys gathered around Hermione and not one gave Harry even the slightest chance to explain the situation. I also liked how it was Sirius who gave him the chance for anonymity, although that does sort of clash with the whole "taking over the US MLE" and gethering a whole new set of headlines. I think you need to pick one path or the other there, either Harry is well known in the States as a crimefighter or he is anonymous.

    BJH

    Author's response

    Thanks for the review, the thing about Harry is that fame will always follow him. I wanted to start it off as in he didn't want to be the one to tell them. They had to find out from somewhere else, shows how far the breach has come.

    In the coming chapters, it'll become apparent about Harry's personality, what'll come of it.

    Hope you continue reading, when I get the next couple of chapters up!
  • The Mistake:Revised

    (#) lycus 2010-07-23 10:18:14 AM

    I like the your story a lot, But I do feel disappointed in Hermione in the way that she reacted. To be Honest she should know that Harry wouldn't cheat, maybe if she was with ron she should worry about that. And I like how you are reminding the weasleys of what they did every time they read a headline about Harry, But I wonder how long it will take for Harry and Hermione to actually sit down and talk, beacause I think that Hermione really didn't think that Harry would cheat it is just that Hermione has low self esteem and some where in her mind she was waiting for Harry to leave her.

    Author's response

    That's exactly the point I'm trying to make. Though I can't give any more of it away, you'll see in the coming chapters what happens.

    The way I see it is like this, after Harry has grown up during his formative years the only role models were the Dursleys and they weren't the people most conducive to trust, especially to Harry. His first friends were the ones he trusted for everything. Ron threw it away in the 4th book and that left Hermione.

    That's exactly the point I'm trying to make. Though I can't give any more of it away, you'll see in the coming chapters what happens.

    The way I see it is like this, after Harry has grown up during his formative years the only role models were the Dursleys and they weren't the people most conducive to trust, especially to Harry. His first friends were the ones he trusted for everything. Ron threw it away in the 4th book and that left Hermione.
  • The Mistake:Revised

    (#) oldsarge 2010-11-22 10:00:42 PM

    I very much agree with lycus. I can see Hermione blowing a gasket about the apparent cheating. While looking so self-assured I think she does have an extremely low self esteem and lack of confidence in relationships. The formative years for her were lonely and she never had the chance to learn about personal relationships. Later on at Hogwarts, per canon anyway, many if no most people still openly stood apart from her. Even with Ron and Harry you could see she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Look at her previous canon relationship. Ron certainly did nothing to boost her self esteem. As far as the story itself, the first chapter was very vague, but you've filled some it nicely. I'd like to know more of the specifics of what the Weasleys did though. Even though it has only been 4 chapters, I can see improvements in your style. This chapter, 4, was so poignant. It's been several months since an update so I hope you have several chapters waiting to go.

    Author's response

    Thanks for continuing to give me such great comments about my story, gives me the motivation to continue.

    But yes, I wanted to portray that even with Harry, whom Hermione shouldn't have to worry about cheating, is still susceptible to human follies. If you think about it, having such a huge thing happen, it doesn't have to be cheating just something like it.

    The first instinct of most people is to lash out and these are the consequences of that. They're human and although the whole thing with Voldemort is over, now life begins.

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