Not a sky for the dead, not a grave for the living. Why would the world tear them so?
Dear god it hurt. It still hurt him every day when Gerard looked to his side and didn't see that naughty little grin, that spark, that boy. It hurt and he never wanted to give in to it all. Death was something that just wasn't right. As horrible as the world was, Gerard and Frank lived in a world of thier own, a vibrant colourful place, kisses and hugs aplenty now shtteres, torn in two, resting in a cold grave amongst hundreds of others.
The wind lashed at Gerard's pink cheek in the same way it had oh so long ago. It was like being there all over again. Just one heart down this time around. Gerard sat on the same bench as he had too, perhaps hoping to trap some essence of Frank's life still writhing there right where he body had been lying in Gerard's arms. there was nothing to be seen or caught, not once slither or life left behind, not one happy thought to be had.
Gerard had grown tired of the world around him. Sometimes as he sat on his own, lay on his own he questioned why he was even there.
There was nothing to love anymore, nothing to look forward to but drowning in booze and being hauled off the streets yet again. His hands felt cold constantly and they trembled. They barely felt anything since it wasn't Frank beneath his once deft and confident fingertips. It was as if they had nothing to touch anymore. He stared at the sky. It looked infinately white, crisp and boring. Always boring without that one person beneath it somewhere.
After a year and it still felt like the same day that Frank had died, no, disappeared. Gerard told himself over and over that he must have run instead of leave him all alone in the world. Frank wouldn't of let go, he wouldn't give in to death, not right efore him. Gerard knew though that Frank was 6 feet under but he did his best to hide the icy black truth from the rest of himself before he lost it and tried to revive his lover by physically digging him up. He decided there was no 'better place' after life, simply infinate white. One far more bleak than city skies.
Not a sky for the dead, not a grave for the living. Apart forever. Alone until they met again somehow. Would Gerard even have the strength to smile genuinely again? Hell yes, he'd save his last ounce of energy to smile upon seeing Frank again. there had to be a way he could see him again for real, not videos or pictures. To actaully trace hearts on his skin and kiss him and love him once more.
If he had the will, the strength to do it, he would have done away with himself long ago but his heart still told him to wait patiently until his dear arose again to hold him. Inside Gerard knew there was no way they'd be able to touch now but it felt so good to pretend. His world of two was gray and manufactured but it worked in getting Gerard out of bed and to pull himself out of the house.
"Why are we apart?" Gerard wondered. Was Frank on the other side of a mirror, wondering the same?
There was nothing to it but why. Why had he just dropped to the floor like that... Why'd he die? Sure, Frank was hooked on too many drugs to name but the purpose of the trip itself to New York was to celabrate him being clean for a whole month. Never did Gerard let Frank's problem consume thier lives though until the day one of the two lives were lost.
Frank was like Gerard's purpose in life. Gerard's lips existed to kiss him, like his feet only moved because it meant he was a step closer to him. Being with each other was a living dream that they thought would never end.
It did. The world stripped them of it all in one fell swoop. Oh, it came in stages indeed, the pot, the fighting but never once did Gerard stop loving his Frank. Frank knew it too, he'd beg him for help and his love and Gerard provided in spades. Love is so terrible when you step back and look at that ever approching death, where it could strike at any moment. Then again, how was either of them to know how close death lay in wait for them?
His bandmates kept pestering him for months on end until Gerard simply cut the chord. No longer could Ray or Bob phone him. no longer would he turn up at practices. He only went to the studio twice more, trying out a song he wrote months ago about, ironically, loss. They all saw his cold eys curse over the sheets, his lips hang open and droll over the words. He just didn't care.
The only person Gerard even spoke to anymore in depth was Mikey. Apart from Mikey, there was nobody else in his life. He stopped singing, he stopped drawing, but Gerard never did top missing, waiting and loving that Frank of his. His opinion was split in two, the hope and the realisation. That made it hurt more, half hoping, half knowing.
He'd never accept a heart could just stop, not before his eyes like that.
Frank had seized up as if he choked on somthing. On death itself. He turned to Gerard, panic struck into his bright and caramel eyes. The beauty and spark was deteriorating, Gerard saw it before his own eyes, he saw Frank's beautiful eyes die. Gerard's eyes drained too, that little something that all his friends knew in him was gone as soon as the realization hit him. Harder than a train and more devasting than an H-bomb.
"Frank?" He stopped in the middle of the park at a bench, clutching his one and only love in the world. "What's... Frank...?"
"Don't let me go!" Frank begged, simply touching Gerard's cheek before his arm clicked rigid and tight, locked in place for a few moments as the pain shot through his veins like a bullet.
"Wha - Frank! But... I - I love you!" Gerard cried out, reminding Frank in case it was to be along time before Frank opened his eyes once more.
"Love you too." Frank smiled weakly, panting a few last breaths letting his eyes slide shut. Just gave in like that, his heart stopped, clogged with a clot and his brain already starting to shut down. Life was seeping out and his lover could feel it.
"No! You can't let go either!" Gerard shouted down, shaking Frank's shoulder in a crazed frenzy. He stiffened his jaw but the tears began. He hated himself for that, crying meant he recognised what had happened. He knew that what Frank was partial to didn't give him the strongest of hearts but it never came in the way of anything they did together.
He even clung to Frank as he lay limp in his arms as the ambulance tried to pump cold life into his empty body. His hands never stopped checking for apulse or a sign of a slither of life in his body.
"You need to let go!" one of the doctors told Gerard, pushing on him in frustration.
"I never will." Gerard replied, running a hand through Frank's soft hair, cherishing every touch that was left before the earth claimed him back. Gerard kept the promise to that guy until he had to be wrenched off by a helping out passer by. He yelled and kicked, clawing his way towards lifeless Frank but he was only held tighter down.
Maybe it was that Frank was in the wind that froze him to his very bones now. Frank was in the snow that kissed his face. Maybe Frank was just waiting patiently for Gerard to join him or for him to come back. Maybe he'd come back someday... Just materialize before Gerard's dull eyes and they could be happy again, under the same sky forever. But then, we all know better than to sit back and wait for 'that person' to magically come back, don't we? Still, hope was what kept Gerard going for months on end.
They'd wait a thousand years, for a thousdand years is but a day to a steadfast heart