FicWad

Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Serpent Souls, Merged as One

Reviews

• Serpent Souls, Merged as One

  (#) dennisud 2010-07-20

  I'm a little confused, if Harry and Daphne bonded why list Hermione with Harry in the characters section?
  If I remember she is one of those you can list there.
  
  Unless this is a Trio bond.
  
  Let us know as this sure started out well!
  
  dennisud

  Author's response

  it's going to be a Trio. Harry and Daphne bond now and Hermione joins the bond on the Hogwarts Express.

• Serpent Souls, Merged as One

  (#) paegan 2010-07-20

  hooray! Threesomes rock! Saw another story on FF.net with this pairing and it was decently done as well...
  
  I particularly like those where he pairs with girls who form a sort of ying-yang synergy (light/dark, logic/emotion) which would be why I like HP/HG/LL so much...

• Serpent Souls, Merged as One

  (#) Cateagle 2010-07-20

  Hmm, definitely an interesting start and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens when they meet Hermione. Meanwhile, it's going to be right interesting to see how the old bearded one copes with Harry's disappearance.

• Serpent Souls, Merged as One

  (#) dave_gerecke 2010-07-21

  Liked it and hope that you continue with it.
  dave

• Serpent Souls, Merged as One

  (#) jabarber69 2010-07-21

  Yeah I did enjoy this and this was also a very good story....and this is just what that 10 year old boy needs a strong women who loves him unconditionally even though they both dont exactly know that yet....

• Serpent Souls, Merged as One

  (#) Brian64 2010-07-31

  An interesting start, though you may need to give a little more thought to the age of your charatcters. A pureblood wizard like Christopher is never going to be using a word like 'Whoa'.
  
  Also, I think we understood from your first paragraph that Daphne has azure eyes, so we don't need to be reminded in the very next sentence, and then repeatedly after that. Repetitive adjectives can quickly become annoying, so look for alternatives, such as thoughtful, caring, watery etc, as needed.
  
  You're right - while there are a number of soul bond and HP/DG fics, there aren't any other HP/DG Soul Bond fics that I know of. Good luck with this one.
  
  

  Author's response

  you assume that just because he is Pureblood, he would not use slang, colloquialisms and assorted other mannerisms. On the contrary, some Purebloods in the Harry Potter books do actually use Muggle words (albeit somewhat inaccurately).
  
  Also, I know that I don't have to describe Daphne's eyes that many times, but I do try to paint as vivid a picture of the scene as I can, and trying to find synonyms for words like "azure" is a royal pain in the behind.

• Serpent Souls, Merged as One

  (#) Brian64 2010-07-31

  Argue it if you like, as it is your story. However the reality is an adult, british male (and pureblood wizard) would only use the word 'Whoa' when riding a horse (or equivalent). "Good heavens!, Great Merlin!, or even a "My God!" would be a more likely exclamation, and is less likely to jar your reader out of the tale you are telling.
  
  The thing you perhaps want to keep in mind is that your reader isn't interested in looking at the pattern of the wallpaper in every scene, so if you describe it once, there's no point describing it again every time you walk in that room (unless the pattern changes). Same goes for Daphne's eyes. There is no point in fixating on it, unless you plan on comparing the shade of blue to something else, eg; "..her normally bright, azure eyes looked dull and lifeless.."
  
  Paint the scene by all means, but paint different parts as you do. Eg, how about the pattern on her shirt? Barefoot or slippers? The jacket or robes Christopher is wearing, the wood used for the dining room table, etc..
  

• Serpent Souls, Merged as One

  (#) ROBERT_1958 2010-08-02

  The following ideas and questions I have, are not ment to tell anyone how to write their stories. I like characters that think. Thats why I have the ideas that fallow, use them or not:
  
  Where are all Harry Potter's Fan Mail and Gifts he should have recived if he is so famous?
  
  Albus Dumbledore as well as Minerva McGonagall and Hagrid (Minerva McGonagall did not stop Dumbledore from Harry going to the Dudleys, as well as kidnapping Harry, and Hagrid brought Harry to the Dudleys) needs to made to do HARD labor, without using his Magic in the Goblin mines till they DIE, for putting Harry with the Dudleys, as well as, if ilegial blocks and or spells were put on Harry by Dumbledore, as well as the Dudleys to goto prison for what they did to Harry.
  
  EVERYTHANG that Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, and the Dudleys have need to be given to Harry, for what thay have allowed to happen to Harry.
  
  -> Hagrid just needs a good warning about what he did to Harry on Dumbledore's orders as Hagrid is a smiple trusting person. It would be good if Hagrid could finsh his Magical schooling.
  
  -> Albus Dumbledore put Harry with the Dudleys, so Albus Dumbledore is
  just as responble as the Dudleys for how Harry was treated by the
  Dudleys, as Albus Dumbledore was an accessory to how Harry was
  treated by the Dudleys.
  
  Fawkes needs to unbond with DumbleDORK (for what DumbleDORK has done to Harry and others) and bond to Harry.
  
  In the Harry Potter and mostly in the Fan Fics Dumbledore never gets in trubble for what he allowed Harry to go through at the Dudleys or at Hogwarts.
  
  Snape needs to goto Azkaban for all the thangs he has done to Harry and his family.
  
  -> Snape over haeard the prophecy and repoted it to Voldemort,
  thus puttig Harry and his fmily in danger.
  
  Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Hagrid and Dudleys need to be punished for what the Dudleys were allowed to do to Harry.
  
  Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Hagrid, Snape, should be punished for what they allowed Harry and other students to go through at Hogwarts.
  
  
  Fawkes needs to unbond with DumbleDORK (for what DumbleDORK has done to Harry and others) and bond to Harry.
  
  In the Harry Potter and mostly in the Fan Fics Dumbledore never gets in trubble for what he allowed Harry to go through at the Dudleys or at Hogwarts.
  
  Snape needs to goto Azkaban for all the thangs he has done to Harry and his family.
  
  -> Snape over haeard the prophecy and repoted it to Voldemort,
  thus puttig Harry and his fmily in danger.
  
  
  Realy good story, looking for more.
  

  Author's response

  Fumblebore and the greasy bat will pay for what they did, if the Greengrasses have anything to say about it.
  
  The Dursleys pay in the next chapter.
  
  Fawkes, I'll give some thought to, but not right now.
  
  Thanks for your review.

Sign up to review this story.