I came up to the door, knocked a couple times, and walked in.
‘Lilly…’ I started.
‘Did Sonny say it was ok for you to come in here?’ She asked me.
‘He gave me the O.K.’ I affirmed.
‘Oh, ok. Well, you can sit down.’ She said as she sat up on her bed. I turned the light on before I went and sat down.
‘So uhh…’ I said, and then looked over at her, ‘Are you ok?’
‘I’ve been so much better. You know who I hate more than anything else?’ She asked me.
‘Quinn Allman?’ I suggested hoping to get a smile out of her.
‘No silly. Fucking Matt. He did this to me you know. It’s all the same though, I feel like I’m use to it, but I can’t be. I need to get out of here for a while. Like, leave Cali completely. I don’t want him to find me. Not ever.’
‘You know, I’m not going to lie, I have no clue what to say.’ I said.
‘I didn’t think you would. I’ve been upset. I mean, I can’t decide who I like more, you or Jeph. And I told Jeph that I don’t think I’ll be able to marry him because I like you… a lot too. I just cannot figure out what I want to do. Do I see how things will work out with Jeph, or do I give you a chance? I think I hurt Jeph when I told him everything… ugh…’
‘Ok, I’m a man, I have an ego. So I would say get with the Quinn-Man, but you know, that’s all up to you. And I think Jeph would hate me or something.’
‘Well, I told Jeph that I don’t think that I could marry him because I don’t love him yet. I don’t know him well enough to love him. …I might have strong feelings for you but….and he knows. He says he knows who I like more. This is all going bad. I don’t know Quinn, I just don’t know.’ She confessed.
I looked at her for a moment, she looked miserable. I leaned over and gave her a big hug. And we just sat there holding each other for a while. I went to let go, but she tightened her grip around me. Man did I ever feel loved. This would be the perfect moment to tell her, tell her that.. I love her… and before I could stop myself the words were coming out of my mouth.
‘Lilly, I love you.’ I whispered into her ear. She loosened her grip on me and looked at me. I think she could have used some sleep right about now.
‘Do you really mean that?’ She asked.
‘Of course I do, otherwise I wouldn’t have said it.’ I smiled at her. I was getting worried because for a little while she wasn’t saying anything. Then she just kissed me, and it was a full kiss, tongue and everything. I was a little taken aback.
‘What does this mean?’ I asked her.
‘Uh… It means that I like you… maybe love you… and I think that means I cheated. No.’ She looked as if she were going to cry.
‘No, I kissed you. Ok?’ I tried to make up an excuse for her. ‘You have to choose between Jeph and me anyways. Well, uhh…yeah you know.’
‘But, that’s not true. I did kiss you. …I can’t keep on kidding myself anymore… My heart tells me that I love you, but I keep thinking to go for Jeph.’ She sighed.
‘No one can make your mind up for you. You have to decide. And personally…I think you need some sleep.’ I smiled.
‘I guess I could use a bit of sleep.’ She smiled and laid down. ’Good night Quinn, I love you.’
‘I love you too, goodnight.’ I whispered from the door, closed it behind me, and walked down the hallway.
Quinn walked out of that room with a big smile on his face. He was trying very hard to hide it. I was about to ask him about it when he came up to me.
‘Livvy, can I talk to you?’ He whispered into my ear.
‘Yeah, I guess.’ I said.
‘Ok, outside though.’ He said as I got up and followed him outside. ’Alright, Lilly and I kissed. I don’t know if it meant anything, well yeah it did but.. Wow.’
‘Ahh…umm, is there a question to this?’ I asked.
‘I don’t know really. I mean she told me that her heart tells her that she loves me, but she keeps thinking she should be with Jeph. I don’t know what to do, help?’ He asked me.
‘Haha, ok well it kind of depends on the girl. Which I don’t know Lilly that well yet. But, I’m thinking she might go to you.’
‘Really?’ He started jumping around all excitedly. ‘That just makes me happy. I love her you know.’ He smiled.
‘I’m glad to hear you’re happy, but please don’t shoot me if things don’t go as planned.’ I laughed.
‘Don’t worry. I won’t shoot you Livvy.’ He laughed, ‘Are you staying here when everyone goes back to Utah?’
‘Bert says I should.’ I said.
‘It’s not up to Bert though, it’s up to you. You know that.’ He smiled.
‘Yeah I know that. I have the feeling he really doesn’t want me to go though.’
‘Well, I might stay and help Lilly. You know, with her problems with Matt.’ He laughed. Even though those problems probably weren’t a laughing matter.
‘I guess I can stay too. It might help things, maybe..’ I said.
‘Good. Now, I’m hungry.’ He smiled.
‘Surprise surprise. You are always hungry.’ I laughed.
‘Nope. Never.’ He laughed and went to look in the fridge. I decided to talk to Jeph, he was sitting in the backyard.
‘Hey bro.’ I smiled as I walked up to him.
‘Hey…’ He said without looking back at me.
‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.
‘Oh, come on. You think you can get away that easy.’ I laughed.
‘Haha, no. Ok, I really like Lilly… She likes Quinn… Things will never work out… I don’t know what I’m going to do if she goes and hooks up with Quinn. I mean, I’ll pretend everything is alright, when really I just want to be with her. I might now stay here, but I might go with Bert. Even if she decides to marry me.’ He told me.
‘I see. Well, I guess umm… You should tell her that. I think she’s sleeping in her room right now.’
‘I won’t bother her at the moment. She’s had a bad night so far.’ He said and looked up at the stars. ‘Are you going back or staying here?’
‘I’m staying.’ I told him.
‘Oh, what about Quinn? I bet he is too.’
‘Yeah, he is. He likes her…’ I told him on accident.
‘Oh, I guess that that means I more than likely won’t ever be with Lilly.’ He said and stood up. ‘I’m going to bed. Night sis.’ I was left outside all alone. And now that I think about it, it’s really freaky out here. I think I’ll go inside. When I walked inside, I saw Sonny sitting at the table.
‘Hey there Livvy.’ He smiled. I felt butterflies in my stomach.
‘Hey Sonny.’ I smiled back.
‘You are so pretty. I just want to kiss you.’ He said.
‘Why, thank you.’ I smiled. I was flattered, but was he really going to kiss me? No.. I mean, did I want him to?
‘You’re welcome.’ He smiled and went outside. Why don’t people like to sit and talk to me. Maybe Branden or someone is in the living room. So, I went in there only to find Bert. I waved at him and he smiled and patted the couch for me to sit down.
‘I’m sorry about everything. I don’t know what’s going on with me. That’s why I want you to stay here while I go there. I guess Jeph and Quinn are staying too, so you won’t be alone. I just want to get myself together.’ He smiled. I loved his smile, it was just so… amazing.
‘I’ve already decided to stay.’ I told him. ‘Oh, you’re not going to go back to that one girl, are you?’ I had to ask because whenever they went on tour, his ex girlfriend and him would break up because she slept with other guys and then when he got back they would be at each other. I hated it, and her.
‘I don’t know, honestly, I hope not. But it might happen. And, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I keep going back to her, I just… I still like her a bit. I don’t know. That’s why I have to get my life together. But, I’m leaving with Branden today. Well, in about 6 hours.’ He smiled.
‘Ok, I’ll miss you Berty.’ I smiled and went to bed. Was I really going to miss him that much? I mean, am I really starting to like Sonny?
It feels like it’s been so long since I slept as good as I did last night. It wasn’t really the sleeping that I liked, but the dream. Even though I can’t really remember it. All I remember was being back in France with my parents and sister, and of course the cooking. That was the most fun. I miss them so much. One of these days, I’ll go and see them. As I thought all this, I decided to get up and take a shower. I walked into the bathroom and didn’t realize that I walked in on Jeph getting undressed.
‘Oh my, I’m sorry.’ I smiled.
‘It’s alright.’ He smiled back. I walked out to go to the other bathroom. Yep, we had 2 baths.
After my shower, I noticed that it was 9 in the morning. What? Since everyone was sleeping, I made some veggie burgers and egg rolls. That’s when everyone started getting up. As I set the food and some plates on the table, I noticed Matt laying on the floor sleeping. That’s when I dropped a few plates on the floor. How in the world did he get in here? Why didn’t anyone lock the door?
‘Lilly, what’s going on?’ Jeph asked as he walked into the dining area. I pointed in the living room. ‘Oh, I see. Want me to make him leave?’
‘Not right now. If he tries anything at all, do what you want with him.’ I smiled. I started picking up a few pieces of the plate when Jeph grabbed the broom and swept up the rest. He was a good guy. He was making it hard for me to decide on what I was going to do.
‘Smells good.’ I heard Livvy say half awake.
‘Veggie burgers and egg rolls.’ I laughed at her.
I had already ate before I set everything out, so I sat in the kitchen waiting. The food was gone in no time, especially with six guys eating. I hadn’t realized it until now, but Branden and Bert were gone. I guess they left for Utah last night. After everyone was done eating, they went and did whatever it was they were going to do.
‘Thanks Lilly.’ Quinn said as he brought all the dishes in the kitchen.
‘You’re welcome.’ I smiled. ‘I think I want to go back to France to find my parents.’
‘Oh, that’d be fun.’ He said. Why did this conversation feel so awkward?
‘Yeah…’ Was all I thought to say.
‘Is everything alright?’ He asked and before I could answer, he kissed me. What surprised me was that I didn’t kiss back. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s ok. I just, I need to make up my mind before I do anything.’ I smiled. Who was I going to choose? I saw Matt watching us from the dining area. ‘What the fuck are you looking at Matt?’ I must have sounded so pissed off.
‘I’m just watching you.’ He smiled.
‘Well, stop. I don’t like it.’ I told him, but he didn’t stop. ‘MATT! STOP! I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU STARE AT ME LIKE THAT! I feel like you are going to do something.’
‘Maybe I am.’ He keep on smiling. It was really creeping me out. I went outside, leaving Quinn in there with Matt. Maybe I should go without telling anyone… No, that wouldn’t be a good idea. Well, if I did that, Matt would never be able to find me.
‘Lilly, are you alright? You look so scared.’ I heard someone say as I sat down on the steps.
‘Oh, Jeph, it’s you. I guess I am scared a little. I’m so scared that Matt is going to hurt me or something. And other things.’ I told him. I realized now that I am still engaged to Jeph, and Quinn kissed me… Oh…
‘I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything to hurt you. Ok?’ He smiled. I smiled back.
‘I’m going for a walk, want to come?’ I asked.
‘Sure.’ He smiled and we started walking. At first, it was weird. He wasn’t saying anything. ‘I almost didn’t stay here.’
Finally he started talking, ‘Why not?’ I asked.
‘Because of everything that’s going on. I like you so much Lilly, and it would break me if you choose Quinn. I love you. We don’t have to get married. That’s something for the future. I just think with Quinn staying here, I won’t have a chance with you.’ He told me. I really didn’t know what to say. Everything was all up to me, whether I hurt Jeph or not. I guess no matter what I’ll be hurting someone. I still didn’t know what to do.
‘I hate myself.’ I said.
‘Why?’ he asked.
‘Well, I have to choose between two guys that I like. And I can’t decide. It’s just stupid. I should just go to France and find my parents, then find someone. Maybe I’ll figure out who I love.’ I smiled.
‘Wel-’ he began.
‘I mean, my parents would want me to find them. But, they would want me to be with someone, the love of my life. They want me to be married before I go back, but I told them that wasn’t possible. I don’t know.’ I interrupted.
‘Well, I could go with you. We could go find your parents.’ He suggested.
‘Maybe.’ Was all I said.
‘Lilly, I’ll wait for you. I’d wait forever to be with you.’ He said as he stopped me from walking. ‘I mean that too. I love you, and I am willing to wait as long as it takes to be with you. Even if you do give Quinn a chance. It’s ok. I will be hurt at first, but if you are happy with him, then be with him. I want you to be happy. Even if that means I won’t ever get the chance to be with you, and I will die alone. Just know, I will love you forever.’
I couldn’t believe what he was saying. No one has ever said anything like that to me before. I was so shocked. He had me speechless. All I could think to do was hug him, and hold him for a while. I knew he wouldn’t want to let me go, so I stood there with him. I was about to start crying when I saw some teens running up to us. I guess they noticed it was Jeph from the Used.
‘Hi!’ One of them said excitedly as they stopped next to us. ‘Sorry to uh, interrupt, but we would like to know if.. We can have your autograph.’ They both started giggling.
‘Um, I’m a little busy.’ Jeph said thinking.
‘Well, your girlfriend can wait a minute.’ One girl with funny looking hair said.
‘Actually she’s my fiancée.’ He told them showing my hand with the ring on it. I had a feeling that I wouldn’t be wearing the ring for much longer though.
‘Oh, I’m sorry. Marriage is dumb. But, can I have your autograph anyway?’ The other girl said.
‘Forgive my friend, she is rude. I’m Samantha.’ The one with the funny hair said.
‘I’m Jeph,’ Jeph said, ‘And, this is Lilly.’ He pointed at me.
‘Hi. Can we just have an autograph? And a hug?’ The other girl asked.
‘Sure, but no hugs. Sorry.’ Jeph said and signed some of the girls’ stuff. ‘Where were we?’
‘Walking.’ I smiled as I saw those girls leave. ‘I don’t think we should go on with the wedding. It kind of scared me.’
‘Yeah, me too. Ok, no wedding.’ He smiled and kissed me on the cheek. He was so sweet.
‘Let’s go back home.’ I smiled as we turned around to walk to my house.
After eating the food, I saw Lilly and Jeph leave. That left me with Sonny and everyone else. Oh my. What was I going to do? About an hour after Lilly and Jeph left, Derek and Travis started telling everyone to play strip poker. Haha, it ended up only being them two playing. They were both naked and running after me trying to tackle me when the game ended. I heard the front door open, and I knew who was back.
‘Jepha!’ I yelled. ‘Watch out for the naked people!’ Just as I yelled that I heard people running after me. Will they at least put some of their clothes back on? Gee.
‘Oh, wow.’ Jeph said as I took off running. I ran to the backyard where Sonny was and hid behind him.
I stuck out my tongue at them, ‘You can’t get me now!’
‘Oh yeah!’ They said in unison and came after me. They ran right into Sonny and tackled us both to the ground. We were all laughing. I was having fun. I was wondering how Jeph was. I didn’t get to ask him how things were going. After Travis and Derek became bored with Sonny and I, they left. Thank goodness, I was starting to think they would never quit.
‘Well, now that we’re alone…’ Sonny laughed and kissed me. For some reason, I was kissing back. I was really starting to like him. I didn’t really feel all that bad about this either. I think since Bert is probably going to date others, I can too. When we pulled apart, he spoke, ‘That was nice. I like you a lot Livvy.’
‘I like you too.’ I said. Was I doing the wrong thing here?
‘So, would you like to go on a date with me?’ He asked. I really wasn’t expecting that.
‘If you don’t want to, it’s okay…’ He looked so disappointed.
‘Yeah, I’ll go on a date with you Sonny.’ It was only a date, ‘When?’
‘Tomorrow night, ok?’ He smiled and walked away. I was getting excited for this date. I don’t normally get this excited. Maybe I like Sonny more than I think, who knows. I needed to talk to Lilly now. I have no idea as to what I will wear or anything. What if he brings me to a really nice place? Oh my… I went searching through the house looking for Lilly, but I couldn’t find her. Did she leave? No, couldn’t have. I went to her room and found her frantically packing her things. Wonder where she’s going?
‘Hey.’ I said.
‘Oh, hey.’ She replied.
‘I was wondering if I could talk to you.’ I asked.
‘Yeah, sure.’ She said and sat on her bed. ‘What’s up?’
‘Sonny asked me on a date, and I don’t know what to do, what if he brings me to a nice restaurant?’
‘Well, then you’d have to dress up. He asked you on a date? And you said yes? I’m happy.’ She smiled.
‘Could you ask him where were going?’
‘Yeah. Hold on.’ She said and walked out of the room. She came back in a few minutes later.
‘Took you long enough.’ I joked.
‘He said it’s going to be a nice restaurant, so you should probably dress up. Like wear a dress.’ She laughed.
‘But, I don’t have any dresses.’
‘Well, I do. I have three. Haha, two are black though.’ She smiled and went to her closet. She pulled out three dresses. The first one was short and strapless, other than that, it was pretty normal. The second one was a little bit longer than the first, but not much, it had straps, it had a v-neck area, and had slits down the sides over the bottom. The third one was red and had a black stripe at the bottom, but it was the shortest one. It had a black stripe at the top that went into straps. It was pretty cool, other than the shortness. I took the second one to try on.
‘This one is ok.’ I said as I walked out of her closet.
‘Aw, it looks good on you. You should wear that one.’ She smiled. I didn’t want to try on the others. I knew this one was the best for me.
‘Thanks.’ I said and put the dress on her desk. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow. It couldn’t come soon enough. I smiled as I walked out of the room. I guess for the rest of the day I was completely happy. Nothing could ruin my mood. Even Jeph noticed how happy I was.
‘What’s up with you?’ Jeph asked.
‘I’m just excited for tomorrow night.’ I smiled and skipped happily away. It was only six. I wanted it to be later than that so I could go to sleep. Maybe going out on this date will be a good thing for me. I haven’t been on one in a long time. I sat on the couch in the living room to watch Quinn and Sonny play some video game when my phone rang. It said unknown caller. Weird.
‘Who’s this?’ I said instead of hello.
‘It’s me, Bert.’ He laughed.
‘Oh, hi.’ I said. I was getting a bit upset, ‘Why does it say unknown caller?’
‘I’m at a friends house right now.’
‘…Uh-huh…’ Was all I said. I could hear someone talking in the background, ‘..Bert, come on I want you to…’ That’s all I heard. It sounded like a girl. ‘Who was that?’ I didn’t mean to ask.
‘Oh, umm. I’m sorry. It’s the one you don’t like.’ He said, ‘I have to go. I just wanted to see how you were doing.’
‘I’m fine. I have a date tomorrow. So, bye.’ I hung up the phone. Why does he have to hurt me? Ever since he found out I liked him and we dated for two whole days he’s been acting different. I found Jeph and told him about the phone call. And he told me about what he said to Lilly.
‘So, you’re just going to let her go then?’ I asked.
‘Yeah, if that’s what she wants.’ He told me. ‘If she wants Quinn, then she can be with him. I’ll still love her. I really can’t stop loving her. It’s too hard.’
‘Yeah, I know what you mean. I like Sonny, but I do love Bert.’ I told him. ‘I’m going to see how things go with Sonny though. Maybe I’ll fall for him.’
‘I don’t know. Maybe you will. Maybe I’ll find someone else. Who knows.’ He smiled.
‘Hm, who does know?’ I wondered. I guess it was fate that Bert decided to end things. Maybe I was meant to go out with Sonny.
‘And, why are you asking me?’
‘I thought maybe you’d know the answer.’ I laughed.
‘Me, Hahaha. Nope, I’ll never know. Want to play a video game? You can choose one.’ He smiled.
‘Alright, DDR.’ I said.
‘Ugh, you freaking know I hate this. Butt hole.’ He complained.
‘Suck it up, you need it.’ I laughed pinching his fat.
‘Shut up and lets play.’ He said and jumped on one of the mats.