I can’t believe what a jerk Quinn has been being. I don’t really hate him, but I don’t want to be around him. I hate arguing with him all the time. We do it so much. It’s not right. He just makes it impossible not to argue with him. I walked out of the bathroom, and outside. It was still nice and warm out, so I just sat out there and cried a little bit. They had a swing that sat in the front yard, and that’s where I sat.
‘Hey, are you ok?’ I heard someone ask. I didn’t care who it was.
‘I’m fine.’ I said looking up to see Wil from Aiden. He was suppose to be on tour with The Used, but everything had stopped and both TU and Aiden came here. I forgot that he was even here in Utah with us. I guessed that they stayed in a motel.
‘Are you sure?’ He smiled.
‘No. I think I’m going to go lesbian.’ I laughed.
‘Why? You look like you’d make any guy happy.’ He said when I stopped laughing.
‘Everything messes up when I date a guy, like that last relationship I was in. It ended with him cheating on me. And that was the third time he did.’ I sighed.
‘Well, that’s not right. I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while. The last girl I dated said she couldn’t handle me being on tour.’ He sat down next to me.
‘I can understand that, but that type of thing doesn’t really bother me.’ I smiled. I’ve never met him before, but he is not the way I thought he would have been. I thought he was going to be rude and stuff, but he isn’t. He’s actually really nice.
‘Awesome. You want to go get a coffee?’ He asked me.
‘Sure.’ I replied, ‘Let me tell Livvy and the guys.’ I smiled and walked inside.
‘Hey.’ Livvy said, ‘Are you alright?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. I’m going to get a coffee.’ I told her and Bert.
‘With who?’ She asked.
‘Haha, I know who.’ Bert laughed looking out the window, ‘Wil Francis.’
‘Oh, I see. Have fun.’ She laughed.
‘Can you tell Jeph and Quinn?’ I sighed as I said Quinn’s name. I really don’t want to like Quinn anymore.
‘Tell me what?’ Jeph asked coming into the room with Quinn.
‘Uh, that I’m going to get a coffee.’ I said.
‘Can I join you?’ Jeph and Quinn asked.
‘No, sorry I already have someone taking me.’ I smiled at them and looked out the window at Wil. I looked back at Quinn and Jeph, and saw their faces drop. I walked out of the house and left with Wil. We didn’t go that far away from TU’s house. There was a coffee shop about five minutes away that we walked to. As we walked there, we talked about our pasts and everything that has been happening to us. By the time that we were walking back, it was dark out. I think he pretty much knew everything about me, and I probably knew almost everything about him too. While we were walking back, I knew something good was going to happen, I could feel it in my heart. All I could think about was what had happened during today, and the night. It was beautiful with the stars being out, even though you could barely see them, but it was still pretty. I felt Wil slide his hand into mine. My heart started beating harder. I think I had a crush on him already. This was a good thing though.
‘Thank you for taking me out.’ I smiled as we walked up to the house.
‘No problem. We should do this again.’ He smiled back. I wanted him to kiss me for some reason.
‘Yeah we should. I guess I should go inside now.’ I felt like a school girl who just got back from a date.
‘I guess, but I have one more thing.’ He smirked and began kissing me. This was what I wanted. I started kissing him back too. When we pulled apart, I felt so happy. I couldn’t think of anything to say.
‘So, I’ll talk to you later.’ Was all I could think of. How stupid.
‘Would you be my girlfriend?’ He asked out of nowhere.
‘Sure.’ I replied. I was jumping up and down on the inside. He pulled me into a hug. We stood there like that for a little while. After a bit we said bye and I went inside.
‘You’re back late.’ I looked at her weirdly.
‘Yeah.’ She said dreamily.
‘What happened?’ I asked her.
‘Well, we talked for hours. I mean we talked until it was dark out. And when we got back, he kissed me.’ She smiled really big.
‘You like him, don’t you?’ I questioned.
‘Yeah, I do. He asked me out.’ She said all giddy.
‘What? Did you say yes?’ I asked shocked.
‘I did.’ She sat down next to me.
‘Wow. You know, you’re acting like a fifteen year old girl who just had her first date.’ I told her.
‘I know, but I like it. I’m happy right now.’ She said and got up. I was guessing that she went into the kitchen. I knew that the only person who could ruin the rest of her night was Quinn. I thought he was out, maybe downtown or something, but I wasn’t sure. I’m just happy that most of my problems have gone away. The only one that was left was, well I still had some feelings for Sonny. I just feel bad about how we ended. Bert was in the kitchen, so I followed Lilly after she was already in there.
‘Hey.’ I said to him.
‘Hey, did you hear that Lilly is with Wil now?’ He asked me.
‘Yeah, she just told me.’ I told him.
‘Gee, you two are talking as if I’m not even here.’ Lilly laughed while grabbing a can of pop out of the fridge.
‘Oh, we knew you were here.’ Bert laughed back.
‘What about Quinn?’ I asked out of nowhere.
‘What about him? We are over. I told him he wasn’t getting another chance. You don’t think he deserves one, do you?’ Lilly asked me concerned.
‘I don’t know. I don’t think I would give him another chance, but if you love him enough, then I would. What about Jeph?’ I asked her.
‘I went over this with you, didn’t I?’ She stated, ‘I can’t ever be with him. I just can’t.’
‘It hurts him, you know?’ Bert stated.
‘Yeah, I guess I do, but I still can’t be with him. I told you Livvy. I don’t want Jeph and Quinn to think I am playing games with them. So, I just can’t. I’m with Wil right now anyway.’ She told both of us.
‘Ok. Don’t get all angry. Chill.’ I smiled. She smiled back, but didn’t say a word. I wanted her to get back with Jeph so the both of them can be happy, but I knew she wouldn’t.
After she left, Bert spoke, ‘Something bit her in the ass. I swear.’
‘That is funny, but it shouldn’t be.’ I laughed. I felt bad for Lilly.
‘Let’s go dancing.’ Bert insisted. I was about to object when he grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the front door. I quickly put on my shoes and was dragged out the door. Instead of driving we walked to a club. It was a small one. It had one door to get in, and there usually wasn’t someone there to make sure you were invited to get in. On the inside, there were posters and pictures of everything covering the walls. I saw one poster of The Used toward the ceiling. I was about to say something when Bert pulled me onto the dance floor and we started dancing. I didn’t really think that I would like it at first, but after a while I became use to it and danced my heart out. We must have been dancing for hours, because when we stopped I felt a cramp on my side, and it hurt like crazy.
‘Bert, this is really fun.’ I yelled over the music.
‘Yeah, I knew it would be.’ He yelled back. I noticed him start to look at another girl.
‘Bert.’ I said getting angry.
‘I’m sorry.’ He looked down, and I instantly forgave him. He was only looking, it’s not like he was actually going to do something with her.
‘It’s alright, let’s go get something to drink.’ I said pulling him out of the club. We walked to the nearest gas station. I got a bottle of orange juice, and Bert grabbed a red bull. After paying, we just walked around the city. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to do anything else, but I didn’t ask.
‘I love you Bert.’ I smiled up at him.
‘I love you too.’ He looked down and gave me a kiss. ‘Lets get home, I’m hungry.’
Bert put his arm around me and we walked downtown for a while. I looked around and took in the beauty of everything. After at least 20 minutes we turned down our street and walked up the driveway when we got there. We walked in the house to see Jeph and Wil watching a horror movie and sharing a blanket, and Lilly was cuddled on the other side of Wil. They all had wide eyes. We walked past them into the kitchen to see Quinn sitting at the table, and a box of pancake mix in front of him.
‘You do not control me.’ He told the box. ‘I can overcome you.’
‘Pancake.’ I said. ‘You have an obsession, get over it.’
‘I do not have an obsession, I have a very fond liking.’ Quinn corrected me and held the box close to his chest, then remembered what he was telling it and set it back on the table.
‘So..?’ Lilly came in the room looking at me.
‘You’ve been gone for like, five hours! Don’t say huh to me missy.’ She pointed a finger at me.
‘Sorry mother. It looked like you were just fine watching Return of the Killer Zombies or some shit in there.’
‘HEY! That movie is scary ok?’ She defended.
‘Whatever.’ I said and turned away from her. I grabbed Bert’s hand and brought him to our room to sleep.
I got up from my spot at the table and left the box of pancake mix there. I heard the credits rolling from the movie in the living room and saw Jeph and Wil run into the kitchen.
‘OH MY GOD DUDE!’ Jeph shouted shoving himself in front of Wil.
‘What?’ Wil asked obviously amused.
‘I WASN’T KIDDING! THERE’S A FUCKING ZOMBIE IN THERE OR SOMETHING!’ Jeph screamed like a little girl and toppled over me.
‘The movie wasn’t even about zombies.’ Wil reminded him.
‘Well it was scary. And so are zombies. Make the connection.’ Jeph said matter-of-factly.
‘What happened in the end?’ Lilly said walking up to Jeph and Wil.
‘The three big ghosts left Casper alone. They were chickens.’ Jeph smiled proudly.
‘You fucking watched CASPER?!’ I shouted. How dare they. ‘Without me!’
‘I’m sorry dude. Wil wanted to watch it, and it was right there. And I didn’t feel like yelling your name.’ Jeph explained. I saw Lilly roll her eyes and laugh.
‘Next time make the effort to tell me.’ I ordered him.
‘Yes ma-I mean sir.’ Jeph corrected himself quickly.
‘I’ve got to get going. I told the guys I would be back to the motel soon.’ Wil said looking at Lilly.
‘Alright.’ She said and followed him to the door. I wanted to go listen to what they were saying, but I stopped myself. I watched the two kiss and turned away from them. I couldn’t stand it. When I heard the door close, I looked back at Lilly. I glanced over at Jeph and wished he would leave the room.
‘I’m gonna go shower.’ Jeph stated, as if he’d read my mind, then left the room. A few minutes later Jeph’s singing could be heard from down the hallway.
‘SHUT YOUR FACE!’ Bert screamed from his room. Jeph instantly stopped singing and the room fell silent.
‘So..’ I started.
‘I should probably go to…bed…’ Lilly said trying to avoid a conversation with me.
‘Right. Yes, I know we can’t have casual conversations anymore. So, goodnight.’ I smiled, waved, and started making my way into the living room hoping my half-assed guilt trip would work.
‘It’s not that we can’t, I just feel weird talking with you now.’ She sighed before I could reach the living room.
‘Oh yeah, I totally understand. Completely ok. We’ll just…never talk again. Alright? Alright.’ I said simply while turning around to face her.
‘What the hell do you mean? Are you trying to make me feel like crap?’ She asked suddenly raising her voice.
‘No I’m not. I just don’t understand why we can’t have a normal conversation like friends. Or do you not consider me a friend? Cause if you don’t there’s only two other possibilities. You either hate me, or still have feelings for me? Am I getting close Lilly?’ I shot at her.
‘I told you, I hate you.’ She said not looking at me. I heard her sigh again. She couldn’t really mean that, could she?
‘Alright well, I’ll leave you alone. As long as you’re happy.’ I said sincerely.
‘…right… Whatever…’ She mumbled.
‘Right what?’ I asked with interest.
‘Why do you care?’ She questioned.
‘Because I do! Why wouldn’t I care? I’m always going to care! You’re too caught up in your own world, and too busy hating me to notice anything. I’ll leave you alone. It’s what you want, and I don’t know, maybe it’s for the best. Goodnight Lilly.’ I said in one breath and walked forward toward the hallway.
‘Thanks. You made me feel like shit.’ She half mumbled to me.
‘It’s not like I try to, I just tell the truth.’ I said stopping halfway to my bedroom door.
‘I can’t do this, I just can’t… I keep lying to myself, and I can’t do it anymore. Fuck.’ She sat on the floor and started to cry.
‘Do what…what?’ I sighed and looked at her on the floor. What the hell am I supposed to do? She’s supposed to hate me, and me, well I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing in this situation.
‘I keep lying to you. I can’t do it…’ She looked up at me this time.
‘I thought you were doing a pretty good job of telling me you hate me.’ I told her.
‘I tried. I can never get myself to hate you. I still love you, but I don’t want to.’
‘Then don’t, I don’t know. I’m sorry. You know, I love you too. So life isn’t just a box of pancake mix anymore.’ I smiled at the word pancake.
‘Don’t do that.’ She snapped.
‘Do what?’ I questioned her, smiling even bigger.
‘Make me smile, laugh, or whatever. It makes me fall for you even more.’ She said trying not to smile at me.
‘Last I checked you weren’t smiling Ms. Moore.’ I stated looking closely at her face for traces of a smile.
‘Stop it, I’m not smiling.’ I said pushing him away from me.
‘I know that. I’m trying not to make you smile. Geeze, I don’t do anything right.’ Quinn sighed sarcastically.
‘Uh-huh. Whatever.’ I said and let out a little smile that I couldn’t hold back any longer.
‘I knew I would get that out of you sometime.’ He said loudly walking up to me and pinching my cheeks.
‘Help me up.’ I put out my hands for him to grab.
‘Hey now, you can’t just order a man around like that.’ He told me while pulling me up.
‘This is coming from a man who just took an order.’ I laughed at him.
‘Yes well, that was a rare occasion. I thought I would be nice.’ Quinn smiled once again at me.
‘Stop that. I…’ I stopped mid sentence when Jeph walked into the room.
‘Ah, what a nice shower. I smell like a waterfall. Smell!’ Jeph shouted shoving his arm under Quinn’s nose. I heard Quinn take a big whiff and then smack his arm down.
‘Yeah, a real waterfall Jeph.’ Quinn said unconvincingly.
‘Uh, I think I’m going to bed now. We can finish our conversation later Quinn. Oh, I’ll sleep on the couch.’ I said to both Jeph and Quinn. Before they could say anything back to me, I walked into the living room, unaware of someone following behind me. I grabbed the pillow from one end of the couch and laid it at the other end to lie down. When I looked up I was met with the sight of Quinn, again.
‘Yes?’ I asked him.
‘Couches are uncomfortable.’ He told me, as if I didn’t know.
‘Yes, I know. I have no where else to sleep, and I’m not sleeping in Jeph’s room again.’ I stated.
‘Well, if you change your mind about the couch, the door across from the bathroom leads to the basement. Go down there, and wake me up, ok?’ Quinn smiled, again. Stop it.
‘Ok, I will if I change my mind. Thanks.’ I smiled back at him. I watched him go to his room. I laid down on the couch and fell asleep. When I woke up, I looked at the clock and saw it was 2 in the morning. I was so pissed. I can never sleep well on couches. I started toward the basement door, but stopped myself. I inched closer again, but Livvy walked toward me and scared me.
‘Oh my god! Don’t scare me like that!’ I said walking away from the door.
‘Sorry, I was just getting a glass of water. Can’t I do that in my own house? What were you doing anyways?’ She asked me accusingly.
‘No, you can’t… never.’ I laughed, ‘Um, I wasn’t doing anything…’
‘Judging from the bathroom door being closed, and you facing the basement door, I’d say you were headed for Mr. Allman’s room. We don’t allow that in our house little miss.’ Livvy laughed while getting a glass of water from the kitchen and returning in time to hear my response.
‘Go back to bed loser. He said I could sleep down there…’ I said and turned to open the basement door before she could say anything else. I ventured down the steps trying not to fall. Finally at the bottom, I saw a little light on by Quinn’s bed. I walked over to him and shook him.
‘…Quinn…’ I whispered. I tapped him on the shoulder and repeated his name a couple times. He groaned and rolled over. I sighed and walked around the bed to the other side. ‘Quinn!’
‘My push-up tastes like a piece of chicken.’ He mumbled and a few seconds later opened his eyes and sat up on his elbows. ‘Hey. Decided to take up my offer?’ He smirked.
‘I guess I did.’ I sat on his bed and looked at him. Why did I have to love him?
‘Well I guess I’ll just have to make some room. That shouldn’t be hard. Now, you have your options. The floor with a sleeping bag, the couch, or my bed.’ He listed the options on his fingers.
‘Hm, I hate the couch, don’t like the floor, so I guess I’m sleeping with you.’ I said.
‘Well isn’t it convenient that I have a big bed.’ Quinn laughed and did a complete roll over so he was facing me again, but a bit farther away.
‘I guess it is,’ I laid down next to him. His bed was a bit smaller than what Jeph’s was, but it was comfy. ‘I’ve been trying to tell myself that I don’t love you.’
‘Aww you just came down here to talk to me. You were pretending you wanted to sleep. That’s cute.’ Quinn said and turned off the light next to his bed. The room was filled with darkness. I felt him move a little bit closer to me, but I didn’t make him move away.
‘Quinn… This seems wrong…’ I said after a few minutes of silence.
‘I’m not making you stay.’ Quinn said simply.
‘I know… I feel like I’m being the cheater sleeping here next to you, being with Wil and everything…’ I don’t know why I wanted to talk about this.
‘Again, I’m not making you stay. But my bed is pretty comfy.’ I heard Quinn laugh.
‘But, in a way you are making me stay… Well, I love you and that’s a way I guess.’ I finally just said “I love you,” instead of loved you or whatever.
‘I love you.’ Quinn said. ‘But how am I making you stay?’
‘I don’t know, you just are.’ I said as Quinn started to kiss me.
‘I don’t think I’m making you, I think you want to.’ He told me.
‘…You’re right…’ I said, and we started to kiss again. It felt wrong, but I didn’t want to stop. He put his arm around me and laid my head on his chest.
‘Get some sleep. I love you.’ He whispered into my ear.
‘Ok, I love you.’ I whispered back and fell asleep in his arms.