So I haven't been in school in the last 2 days, as I'm really sick. And it sucks ass. Right now, it just feels like I'm dying and in more ways than one.
I cut yesterday, and I couldn't even feel it. But I was happy to cut. Because it makes me happy. And you know what? I'm not stopping for anyone. No one. Not even my friends. Not anymore. I'll only stop for myself, and that doesn't look like anytime soon.
I just don't want to stop, I don't see any reason why.
Maybe some day someone will scream out for me to stop doing this to myself. Maybe someday someone close to me will actually take proper notice and ask why.
Maybe some day, someone will care because right now, and as of before, I just don't feel it.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine on the weekend, she was having a tough time with life, and I wanted to help, not in the annoying "Are you okay?" x435789 I just talked. We just talked.
There was a point in the conversation where I told her I understood, I told her about me and my self-harm issues, and she just listened and didn't ask questions. I told her how I felt and she understood.
I know I probably sound like "xxxZOOMGG I'M SO MIZUNDAST00D CUZ I'M SO EM00xxx" but honestly, no.
I'll attempt to explain;
I have many close friends who I love, and most of them know about my cutting and "depression" but they never ask "how are you" etc. They never ask how I'm going with it or anything, it feels as if, they notice, they may care, but they just don't take notice. They don't care enough to ask.
It's a very hard thing to explain, and while I was stuttering and struggling to explain it to my friend, she still understood and could elaborate on it with me. Because she felt the same way. We helped each other and in a cheesy way, it did bring us together.
But the amazing news is;
I GET TO SEE AVENGED SEVENFOLD.
My favourite band. Holy shit. A week before my birthday. Holy shit. I can not be anymore happier.
Oh and I may have mentioned it in the last post, but I'm going to Japan.