Gerard questions Anna about Christa but an ugly truth is revealed.
He took a sip of coffee then asked slowly, “Uh, so why didn’t you erase Christa’s memory? I mean isn’t that dangerous?”
Anna had been wondering when he was going to ask that question. “Yes, it is dangerous. I know the proper thing for me to do would have been to erase her memory immediately. However Mikey’s entrance made that impossible. I had every intention of doing so when I spoke to her outside the hospital.” She paused then looked down.
“But you didn’t.” He said trying to understand the sadness on her face.
“I know it makes no sense but it is almost as if Christa is a kindred spirit. There is much more to her than meets the eye.”
Gerard chewed a moment while thinking. “Like you.”
Anna smiled, “Well not exactly like me. Yes, I am much more than I appear but Christa is quite human.” She thought a moment than asked, “Please describe her to me.”
Gerard frowned, “Describe her?”
“Not physical features but her personality. If someone asked you what Christa is like how would you describe her?”
Once again he thought a moment before answering, “Well I guess I’d say she’s kinda quiet. She’s smart for sure but she doesn’t make a point of showing it. I mean she doesn’t act like she’s overly intelligent which I know she is.”
“She is unassuming?”
He nodded, “Yeah, I guess.”
Anna nodded, “She is overshadowed by others.”
“Overshadowed?” He frowned, “Well I don’t think any of us do that on purpose like I said I just think she’s quiet.”
“She struggles sometimes to fit in.” Anna said softly.
“I never really thought about that.” Gerard said taking a sip of coffee. “Yeah, I guess maybe she does. But we all like her.”
Anna smiled, “I am sure that is true. But in the short time I have known her I have found there is great depth to her personality. That and the fact that she has a rare ability to sense things others can not see or feel.”
“She knew there was something different about you.”
“Yes, she sensed it and much to my surprise was not afraid to reveal that fact to me.” Anna smiled sadly, “She said she does not believe there is anything evil in my nature just…” She paused then added softly, “She believes I am just different.”
“So she doesn’t know what you are?” Gerard asked watching her face closely.
“No, nor does she want to know. She has given me her word that she will always remain silent about what she witnessed.”
“You believe her?”
“Yes, I do.”
He sat back in his chair. “So she saw you give Alicia your blood and she understands it helped her.”
“But she doesn’t want to know why?’ He asked in disbelief.
“I am sure she does want to know why. However she understands on a deeper level that she should not know why. She accepts the fact that I helped her friend and for that she is grateful.”
“Yeah well so am I.” Gerard said exhaling deeply. He reached for his cigarettes and lit one before asking. “Tell me truthfully why you trust her.” He could sense there was something more that Anna wasn’t revealing.
Anna sighed, “Because I am amazed that I feel a bond of friendship with her. It should not be that way. Christa and I have no blood bond and yet I do feel close to her. I wish I could discuss this with Jacob because it is truly unbelievable but I am afraid to tell him.”
Gerard’s eyes narrowed, “Why?”
“Because my actions are already under such scrutiny. I am afraid he would demand that I erase her memory at once.”
“So what if he did?”
Anna sighed, “Then I would do so.”
Gerard tapped his fingers on the table fighting to control the anger he was feeling. He did not like to think that anyone had that kind of power over Anna, especially another man. “So if he told you to do it you would.”
“He is my Maker. Yes, I would. But I do not believe you understand completely. Jacob would tell me to do so to protect me. Letting a human witness what I did and not erasing that memory is in direct violation of our guidelines. It is a punishable offense. Jacob would tell me to erase her memory to protect me.”
“Punishable offense?’ Gerard took a deep drag off his cigarette. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
Anna absently folded her napkin, “As well you should not.”
“So if they found out Christa saw you give Alicia blood you would be in a lot of trouble.”
“Yes but it would not only affect me. You and Claire would also be affected. That is my greatest concern. Christa’s memory would simply be erased by another so she is in no real danger.”
He snuffed out his cigarette nervously, “Okay this is sounding worse by the minute. Tell me what would happen?”
This time she unfolded her napkin keeping her eyes downcast. “If I was found to be guilty you and Claire would be placed in the care of another.”
“Another? You mean another of your kind?”
“Yes. Hopefully it would be Jacob.”
“Hold on.” Gerard said sitting up in his chair. “I sure as fuck don’t want Jacob taking care of me.”
Anna’s head snapped up and she looked directly into his eyes, “Believe me you would be wise to accept Jacob in that situation. There are many you would not want to guide you.” She sighed, “You see this decision weighs heavily on me. I do not want to do anything that could cause problems for you and Claire. Perhaps I am just being selfish in my desire to keep this bond I have with Christa.”
“Shit, there is just so much I don’t understand.” Gerard took out another cigarette and lit it. “And I have to admit I don’t like the idea of you doing whatever Jacob says.”
“He is my Maker.” Anna said softly.
“Yeah, okay I get that.” He stopped when a thought suddenly crossed his mind, “Did you have to clear it with Jacob to cure me?”
Once more her eyes fell. “Yes.”
“What if he had told you not to do it?” He asked holding his breath for her answer.
“If you had wanted it and he had denied me permission…I would have gone against his wishes. An act that is punishable by death.”
The room fell silent.
Finally Gerard spoke, “Death?”
When Anna looked up her eyes were moist, “I have told you we can die. The greatest number of our deaths are carried out by our own kind.”
His voice was low and trembled slightly, “How?”
She shook her head, “I will not discuss this. However there is something you must understand. As I have said I know my actions are watched closely. I have many enemies not of my own making but because of my bond with Jacob. He is very old and powerful. He had made a great number of enemies and in turn those enemies would like nothing more than to hurt him by using me. They realize the extent of his feelings for me. I am what is considered his only child. A child he turned without my consent.”
“But you were dying.” Gerard said struggling to understand.
“Even back when I was turned what he did was considered to be against our laws. Turning a human without their prior consent, without the consent of the council, is a very grave offense. However, he went against our ways and turned me. As I have said he has many enemies but he also has many friends. He was not punished for his act.”
Suddenly the gravity of the situation hit Gerard, “You keep saying that your actions are being scrutinized but what you really mean is my actions. They know you healed me, they know about the blood bond. If I screw up then you’re in trouble.”
“Simply put, yes.” She reached out and lifted her glass of water, “You are mine. I understand you do not like it put that way but that is how it is viewed. I gave you my blood stopping the death that was soon to claim you. I gave you a great amount of blood and in turn took your blood. Now we share a deep healing blood bond. It can not be erased. No one can make you forget what has been done. You know our secret and therefore must be held to keeping that secret. That is my job. I must make sure your words or actions do not reveal anything to the humans that would alert them to our presence.”
“Once again you gotta make sure I don’t screw up. Shit, Anna. I’m not gonna tell anyone.”
She sighed, “I know that. However while the bond is fresh your actions could be cause for concern.” She needed him to understand, “ Why I was upset when you announced I was your fiancée is because of this fact.”
“Because we haven’t known each other for very long?” He guessed. “Fuck, that really shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me. I’m kinda known for rushing into things.” He tried to keep the anger out of his voice but just thinking about his failed marriage always brought that anger to the surface. “Besides anyone who sees us together will know how much I really love you.”
Anna tried to explain, “Your friends were surprised by the announcement at first you must admit but as you said they were not totally shocked.”
“So then I really didn’t fuck up all that bad.’ He said not sure if he was happy or sad about that fact.
“My worry,” Anna said slowly, “Is the effects of the healing you are still under. Your anger for one.”
“Hey, I’ve been known to have a bad temper.” He said quickly.
She looked away, “There is also other emotions. Like the way your body responded to those women the day you were having the tests done. I can not stress to you enough that while you believe you are in control you are not. Lust is a very strong emotion and one you are dealing with. If you are attracted to another woman and give into that temptation what would others think?”
His voice shook, “I ain’t gonna cheat on you. I wouldn’t.”
“No, you would not but your body, the body trying to adjust to the bond might. If that were to happen that would be totally out of character for you and others would see that. They would wonder why a man who says he is in love would suddenly be unfaithful. It may not seem like that would be unheard of in any way but questions would start to arise about the changes in your personality. Suddenly your every move, every action would be questioned. Not just by your kind but by mine. A good handler never lets the humans see changes in their ward.”
“Holy fuck now you’re a handler and I’m your ward?” Gerard exploded. He was letting his anger take over to mask his guilt. The conversation about lust had turned his memories to the merch girl he’d met. The girl who’d whispered him an offer that had set his body on fire. The girl he’d almost gone with had he not suddenly remembered Anna was waiting for him.
“I am sorry the terminology offends you.” Anna said softly. “However I am just trying to make you understand.”
“Shit, I need a few moments alone.” He said pushing back from the table. He didn’t want Anna to see the guilt he was struggling with or the lust that was setting his body on fire.
Anna watched him walk across the suite and out onto the balcony. She knew he was keeping something from her.
Gerard leaned against the railing and tried to get control of his emotions. He was angry that he felt so out of control. “It’s this fucking bond.” He muttered to himself.
“Yes, it is.”
He hadn’t heard her follow him. “Just leave me the fuck alone for a few minutes, okay?"
“Gee, let me help you.” She took a step nearer to him ignoring the bright sunlight that was making her skin hurt. She hadn’t taken the time to don long sleeves.
He swiveled around to face her. “No, I don’t want your fuckin’ help.” He yelled but then stopped. He saw her blinking and realized the bright sunlight was causing her bare skin pain. “Shit.” He crossed to her and pulled her back inside. “Anna I feel so out of control. I don’t wanna blame you but I am and I know it’s wrong.”
“I understand your anger.” She said softly.
“That ain’t the only emotion I’m fighting.” He ground out. “Right now I’m so fuckin’ horny I can’t think straight and I hate that too. You have no idea what it’s like not to be able to control your body and mind.”
Anna looked down, “I am sorry.” She whispered.
“Stop saying you’re sorry.” He yelled. “I know this ain’t your fault. You can’t help me with this.”
“Only because I fail.” Anna said looking up. “If I were stronger I would be dominating. I would control you better. I am a joke.” She turned and headed for the bedroom trying to distance herself from him.
He caught up with her and spun her to face him. “What?”
Anna shook her head, “You do not understand. To my kind I am a joke. We are superior to humans but I will not allow myself to think that way. If someone like Marian heard you speak to me the way you just did she would laugh at my weakness.” Anna stood taller feeling her true powers; “I have seen Marian and her wards together. She always keeps several humans blood bonded to her for her amusement. Once a man simply did not do something quickly enough and she slapped him. He landed on the other side of the room. That is how we are expected to handle those we tie to us.”
Gerard stared at her. Her eyes had turned topaz and he saw the flash of her fangs. Suddenly he felt an incredible sense of sadness for her. She did not fit in either world and she knew it. “Anna.” He said softly, “You are not like her. You never will be and that is something to be proud of.”
Anna shook her head.
He reached out and gently touched her cheek, “You can’t treat me like that because you love me and you know I love you.”
Tears sprang to her eyes, “But is it enough?”
He took her into his arms, ‘Yeah, Sugar. It is enough. We’ll get through this period than everything will be okay.”
Anna closed her eyes and allowed the warmth of his body to penetrate her soul. His apparent need was still strong and her thoughts turned to helping him relieve the ache. “Gee, let’s go to the bedroom.”
Much to her surprise he pushed her away. “No, I ain’t gonna use you like that.”
“I do not view it in that way.” Anna said slowly trying to hide the hurt in her voice.
“I do.” He ground out angrily. “The only reason you just suggested that is because you felt my fuckin’ hard on. I’m not stupid Anna.”
She wrapped her arms around herself nervously, “I did not say you were. My only thought was for your needs.”
Anger still coursed through his body. “Yeah you know I wanna fuck. You could feel that. But don’t you see, that makes it somehow seem dirty. Like it’s some fuckin’ itch I have and you wanna relieve it for me.”
She stared at him feeling so lost. Finally she spoke, “Do you desire another to relieve your lust?”
He exploded, “Oh fuck Anna. Is that your idea to fix this problem? You think maybe a hooker is a good idea?” He began to pace the room, “Oh but we have to be discreet so no one knows cause shit the guys know I’ve never gone that route before. Can’t have anyone questioning my actions I gotta seem like myself.”
“I am just trying to please you.” Anna whispered.
Her answer only made him angrier, “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re standing there offering to let me fuck someone else to make me happy? Shit maybe we should just go into the bedroom and you can lie there while I fuck you before my balls explode.” His words were hurting her but he couldn’t make himself stop. “Maybe I can just think of someone else while we’re doing it.”
“Is that what you did before the concert?’ Anna’s own anger was building. “While I was bent over the table were you thinking about her?”
Gerard spun around to face her. “Oh fuck.” He muttered realizing the truth. She knew about the merch girl. His whole body began to shake. “No.” His voice was a strangled cry, “That’s not what I did.”
“I could smell her scent on you.” Anna’s eyes flashed. “The scent was intertwined with the scent of your desire.”
Suddenly he was afraid, “Anna I didn’t do anything with her. I swear to you, I didn’t. She came on to me.”
Anna took a step towards him. “Yes, I am sure she did. I was simply hoping you would tell me the truth about what happened. Her scent held a trace of the one she is bonded with. You were being tested and you almost failed.”
“Tested?’ He repeated slowly. “You sent her to test me? You sent her to see if I’d fuck her?”
Anna could not control her fury. She slapped him. “If you believe I would do something like that you do not know me at all.” With that she headed towards the bedroom.
This time he did not try to stop her instead he fell into the nearest chair completely shocked. His cheek burned but that pain was nothing compared to the ache in his heart. He realized now how badly his words had wounded her. For several minutes he simply sat lost in thought.
Anna injected herself then slid to the floor. She had never allowed another to force her anger into physical abuse. He was wrong, she was no better than Marian.
Gerard crossed the room then slid down beside her on the floor. Instead of speaking he simply laid down and put his head in her lap. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry.” He whispered.
Anna stroked his jet-black hair. “I am sorry.” She whispered gently touching his still red cheek. “I lost control.”
He sat up and looked into her icy blue eyes and knew she’d injected herself in hopes it would lessen her animalistic nature. “You don’t have one fuckin’ thing to be sorry about. My anger spoke not my heart. I forget how hard all of this is for you.”
A single tear rolled down her cheek, “Gee, tell me again that when this period passes things will be all right.” She begged.
He leaned forward and kissed her lips tenderly, “It will be all right. I promise.”
AUTHOR NOTE: Thanks to aldualma for making an account to review my story. Reviews mean so much to me. Also thanks to everyone else for the reviews, you guy know how much I love you all!