Categories > Original > Humor > The Book of Hondo

Scoot 7

by shadesmaclean 0 Reviews

The 42 Commandments (Cont.)

Category: Humor - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Fantasy,Humor - Characters:  - Published: 2010/09/27 - Updated: 2010/09/27 - 295 words - Complete

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And so the God of Everything Else didst continue to speak the commandments of the Gods of Hondo:

22‘Thou shalt not breathe.

23‘Thou shalt not shit.

24‘Thou shalt not abuse the sacred words of “Ni!” “Ping!” and “Neewang!”, nor shalt thou shout them at helpless old ladies.

25‘Thou shalt be easily amused.

26‘Thou shalt think what we tell thee to think.

27‘Thou shalt kick ass and take names.

28‘Thou shalt not commit adulthood.

29‘Thou shalt move forward, not backward— upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

30‘Thou shalt corrupt the youth.

31‘Thou shalt not worship false Billy Idols.

32‘Thou shalt disregard the Twenty- Second and Twenty- Third Commandments.

33‘Thou shalt think happy-thoughts.

34‘Thou shalt not ask why the chicken crossed the road, for it is the chicken’s right as a sentient being to do so.

35‘Thou shalt master thy ass.

36‘Thou shalt live forever, or die trying.

37‘Thou shalt gloat over all special items thou receiveth, and thou shalt hold them over thy head for all the world to see.

38‘Thou shalt watch out for those low-flying special fx.

39‘Thou shalt not talk to strange turnips.

40‘Thou shalt pity da foo’.

41‘Thou shalt listen to the voices in thy head.

42‘Thou shalt not ask a stupid question, lest thou receiveth a stupid answer.’

And After he spake the Forty-Two Commandments, the God of Everything Else didst have a large glass of water.

‘And now thou shalt take our commandments and post them on the Internet for all the multitudes to download.’

Whew!’ and Scoot didst sigh quietly. ‘No stone tablets.’

‘Go now forth, Scoot, and post our Commandments on the Internet. We art counting on thee. I must get back to my Pen-Flip Challenge with Derrick.’

With that Matt didst disappear.
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