Now I know why you're never there, now it's my turn, watch me disappear.
Do you ever look at the photographs and miss me being there? My presence, my smile, my love for you? I bet you miss me don’t you? And I bet you can’t stand it, that no matter what you do, I’m stuck in your memory. That perhaps you still mistake me for her, maybe you already have.
And as it sickens me, I can’t help but wonder these kinds of things. What’s her name? Does it roll of the tongue when you say it? Do you get that feeling when it was my name you called? Lustfully or out of love? Do you leave her in the middle of the night life you left me?
Does she know you’ll never treat her right? Because let’s be honest, we both know you won’t. I know you more than you know yourself. I know you more than I know myself. That’s what happens when you give your heart and soul to someone, you become one person. We always did think alike didn’t we? So many questions, not enough answers.
Surprisingly it brings a smile to my face as I recall your audacity. You must’ve forgotten I had gone down that way to do my ritual meditation in the record store. Imagine my surprise that out the corner of my eye you were with her, eyes closed and lips locked. The moment seemed right between you too, it hurt me I’ll admit. My heart seemed to tear down the middle halfway as I watched you kiss her so intently, it was sickening to be in such a public light. If only you saw the tears run down my face before I wiped it away, not wanting you to see me that way.
But then you pulled away, and like magic, you turned your head and noticed me. Your face dropped as you saw me standing there looking at you. The color in your face draining as if I was a ghost. It was quite amusing to be honest, how quickly the guilt spread over your face as you realized I saw you get way too close to her. Kiss her the way you kissed me, everything you did with me, you did with her.
I guess she was the reason why you weren’t there as much. Gone when I needed you the most, you gave you undivided attention her. I don’t even know if I could call her by name. But I don’t care, because you see; just like you it’s my turn to disappear. It’s your turn to watch me leave now honey, watch me go like a stranger that no longer exists in your presence. Do tell my darling, how do you feel?
They say it takes the last straw to realize the true colors of the situation, I am no different. As I think about it, the best gift you ever gave me was letting me walk away from this mess. In a way, you saved from even more trouble, I’d like to think of it as a blessing in disguise. I can’t let you completely change my way of thinking can I? Of course not.
Perhaps I could get her alone and tell her the real truth. That the love you’re showing her is just another repeat of me. That your lies and your games, will never cease. Before you break her heart as well, maybe I can change her mind first. Call me spiteful darling, but I hope my face haunts every dream you have. That I’m a constant reminder of you giving up on a good thing. That you see me everywhere go and your heart sinks with guilt and maybe then you can feel some misery you made me feel. That I wasn’t just a girl, I was your girl, or once was.
You really don’t know what you have till it’s gone. That eventually when you don’t appreciate something or someone that has been so good to you, you lose it so quickly and can’t get it back. And if you’re wondering yes I do feel like a fool. A fool that use to believe you when you said it was us against the world. That no matter what happened, it didn’t matter. Because I had you, and you had me. And I bet it knocked you on your ass because you didn’t think I’d go so easily, but then again nothing surprises you anymore does it?
All I can say is good riddance honey, and sorry you were too blind to realize how much I put into our relationship, but it’s okay though you know? I’m sure you’ll see the light when I’m everywhere you go, watching your every move and not forgetting what you put me through.
Like the sun setting, the world without air; like a ghost, watch me fade and disappear…