I decided that after class I was going to Gerard’s. Everyone was acting weird after I asked where he was. We might not be best friends, but I can see that happening with Gerard. I can look in his eyes and just know that he understands me. Sometimes I even feel like he can read me without either of us saying a word. This is just weird, at lunch the other day everyone was so loud and ridiculous, now they’re all too quiet. The bell rang and I went back to a Gerardless class. After class I just walked out of the front doors and headed over to his house.
I came close to getting lost, which I don’t understand. I’ve been living here for about 2 weeks, I should understand where the roads are now. Finally I remembered where Gerard had shown me where his house was. I walked up to the front door, no cars were around. I twisted the handle just to see if it would open, and it did. Good job for me. I walked in hoping that nothing was going to come running out at me. The door to the basement was right in front of me, there was a desk sign that had his name on it, so putting two and two together I knew he lived in the basement.
I walked down the dark stairs hoping I wouldn’t bust my ass. “Who’s there?” He yelled as I hit the flat before his door. “It’s Benji.” I spoke softly. “Benji? What are you doing here?” He popped up in the door. “I’m worried about you G. Your brother was acting funny at lunch when I asked where you were.” I walked past him to enter his room. He turned around and we just stood there looking at each other. “Well thanks for being worried, but I’m just sick.” “You’re lying. It smells like alcohol down here.” “What are you? My mom?” He was clearly intoxicated. “Gerard, what's wrong?” I walked towards him. “Nothing.” He moved past me and sat on his bed cracking open a beer. He kicked back and continued watching whatever was on TV.
I sat on his bed next to him. “Want one?” He held a beer out to me. “No thank you.” He huffed and sat up “so why are you here?” he finally sounded more like himself. “Well like I said, I was worried about you. You’d been gone a few days.” “I’m just not feeling like me anymore. My mom thinks I’m going to school in the morning, but I really just sneak back around to the side door and come downstairs.” “Why don’t you feel like you?” I hugged him. “I just get depressed randomly. I’ve never really been able to control it.” “So you drink?” “Yea something like that.” “Well I’m not gonna lecture you, I know you know better.” “Yea I do, doesn’t change the fact that I want to do it.” I just nodded.
He reminds me of my father. He’ll get drunk just to solve any problem he has. I remember countless nights that I would leave cause of my father. I’d go to Zack’s and he’d just hold me until I fell asleep. I miss those days, not so much my father, but Zack. Gerard finally put the beer down and hugged me. He caught me off guard. “Are you alright G?” then he just started crying. I hugged him tightly “Shhhh it’s gonna be okay.” He just shook his head “My grandmother is dying” “Oh shit Gerard.” “She’s all I have in this world.” He kept telling me so much about her. She seemed like an amazing person.
After a while he calmed down. “Shit, I’m sorry. You probably think I’m a pussy now.” He wiped tears from his face. “No Gerard. You have every reason to be so upset.” I pulled him back to my shoulder and ran my fingers through his hair. His heavy breathing on my neck soon became light. He wasn’t asleep, but he was calming down a lot better. Gerard sat up and just looked me in the eyes “Thank you” I just nodded with a smile. It was almost hard not to cry seeing him like this. “Are you gonna be okay?” “Are you leaving?” he looked so sad. “I might have to. My dad gets pissed if I’m not home after school.” “Then no, I’m not going to be okay.”
I pulled out my phone and called my dad to tell him I wasn’t going to be home. Something in his voice was different. He actually sounded normal. I laid next to Gerard on his bed and talked about life for hours. Someone came down the stairs and stopped on the flat and knocked on the wood outside of the door. “Yea?” Gerard answered. “Can I come in?” Mikey asked sadly. “Yea come in.” Gerard and I sat up. Mike looked surprised that I was there. “So this is where you came instead of 4th period?” “Yea how’d you know.” “Frank was texting everyone asking where you were and I saw you walking the other way.” “Oh…Why is Frank asking about me?” “I don’t know, he’s weird.” Mikey sat on the chair beside the bed. “How are you holding up?” Mike asked Gerard. “Better now. A lot better now.”