The car ride was quiet. “You look like shit, what’s wrong?” “I think some friends at school are mad at me. I miss home so much. Why did we move out here, dad?” “I had a better job lined up, it’s so much cheaper. I’m making a lot more now. I’m trying to help you out by moving you somewhere that you’re going to have a future. All of your friends back home had it easy; they had money out the ass. We don’t have that. I started getting in debt too bad.” I just nodded my head. It was still early; I think I’ll be the only one on the stairs. My dad pulled up to school “alright, try and cheer up kid.” “Thanks dad…Bye” I got out of the car and sure enough, I was the first out of the group here. I sat up at our spot and just fiddled with my iPod. I stared at my shoes and just thought about stuff.
Finally someone put their arm around me; it startled the hell out of me. I ripped my headphones out and looked at the person, it was just Frank. “Holy shit you scared me. So are you mad at me?” “Why would I be pissed at you?” “I dunno, I figured since Gerard was mad at me, all of you guys would be eventually.” “No, we all love you. Gerard has a serious problem though. But you don’t have to worry, the rest of us are backing you up. Bob is really trying to shut him up, you and Bob barely talk.” “yea that’s really cool of you guys. I just don’t understand why he’s so angry. I was only trying to be his friend. He was having a hard time and I just made sure he was okay. I didn’t want anything else out of him but friendship.” “See he’s telling everyone that you knew he wanted to be with you. He really likes you. And to be honest it’s scaring me how obsessed he’s become.” “I don’t understand why he’s doing this.” “Neither do I. He needs to just chill the fuck out and realize you didn’t come here looking for this.” “Right. Maybe I should talk to him about it. He does listen to me.” “Yea, try it and see what happens.” Just then him and the rest of the guys walked up.
“Gerard we need to talk. Now.” I got up and pulled him away from everyone. “What the hell is going on? Why are you pissed off at me?” “Because of Zack.” “Why? Gerard, you and I are just friends. I’ve known Zack for 13 years, and I’ve known you now, a week and a few days.” “I know, I’m sorry.” “Are you really, or are you going to go off later?” “No you’re right, and I’m going to get over this.” “Thank you. I don’t want our friendship getting messed up over something like this. Me and Zack aren’t even together anyways, we’re just friends.” “Then where’d you get that necklace?” “Zack, it was just a gift.” “Oh, well I’m sorry Benji.” “As long as we’re okay now, there isn’t a problem.” “Alright.” “okay.” I turned around and walked back to our friends.
I don’t know why I acted the way I did. I also don’t understand how strong she is. I can never end a problem when I have it, I just brood until it gets too deep. Maybe I did completely overreact. I just wish I could stop liking this girl the way I do. I don’t understand why I let her get to the point of obsession, she’s just a friend. I’m just now so confused with myself. I don’t know how to turn these feelings off. I’ve never had to do it so quickly.
Lunch came up quick today. I was so distracted with my own thoughts today, no possible way I was paying attention to anything. Everyone today seemed so happy, but Benji didn’t say more than 2 words. “Are you alright?” I asked her, putting my feelings aside for once. “Yea I guess, I’m gonna have to be…” “Well what’s on your mind?” I grabbed her hand and got up, trying to tell her I wanted to take a little walk. She got up and didn’t say anything until we got to a bench far away from all of the other school kids. “Well, Zack and I have been best friends for years, same with all of the other guys and I found out when they were here that Zack really had a thing for me. I can’t say that I didn’t have something for him, but the stupid shit I got caught up in while they were here just completely fucked me over.” She shook her head and stared at the ground. “Aw sugar…” I pulled her into a hug. She hugged back pretty tight. I really do feel bad for treating her the way I did. I felt the warmth of her tears on my neck; all I could do at this point was rub her back and try to calm her down. It was too hard not to pull her back and kiss her, but this wasn’t the time.
“Sorry…” She barely whispered. “Don’t be sorry, I’m here for you. I want to be here for you.” I lifted her chin with my fingers. Finally I saw the smile that made me fall for her. “Your eyes change from blue to grey when you’re sad. It’s practically beautiful.” I smiled down at her. She quickly lost eye contact with me, feeling embarrassed. “What?” I asked feeling as if I did something wrong. “Nothing, nobody has ever noticed that before.” “They probably have, but didn’t say anything.” I tried to sound like I wasn’t holding back the urge to kiss her, but at this point, this is a battle I’m losing. “We should probably go to class, the bell rang a few minutes ago” she said getting up. “I didn’t even notice.”