you just get me like i've never been gotten before.
I got up and practically ran outside and lit up a cigarette. “BENJI! That shit is something you need to quit right now!” he tried to take the cigarette from me. “Gerard, just please don’t do this right now. I’m about to freak out.” I started tearing up. After he got me to calm down and let me finish my cigarette, we drove home. His mom had dinner ready “How’d the doctors go? Everything alright Benji?” “Yea mom, everything is fine.” I completely lied. I sat down for dinner because suddenly I was starving. I just couldn’t wait to eat. Everyone was staring at me like I was a freak of nature. None of them had seen me eat so much before.
After dinner I went back in my room and sat on my bed. I looked over to my nightstand and grabbed the picture of me and Zack, almost instantly tears rolled down my face. I knew I had to tell him and I knew how I had to tell him, but this was going to be so hard. Before I can do anything I need to tell Jimmy, so I called him.
“Benji, what happened?” “I’m pregnant.” “Holy shit…” “Yea… I haven’t told Zack yet. You and Gerard are the only ones who know. I made him hold my hand when I found out.” “Well I’m glad he’s there while we can’t be.” “Me too, I don’t think he knows how much he means to me now. He’s become so important in my life; I don’t know what I’d do without him.” “That whole family sounds like amazing people.” “They all are great people. I’m very lucky to have them. You don’t even know.” “When are you going to tell Zack?” “I have no idea. I wanna call him now and tell him, but I don’t wanna cry like I know I will.” “You need to let him know as soon as you can.” “I know… I know.” “Call him now.” With that Jimmy hung up.
I called Zack and there wasn’t an answer so I just left a voicemail “Zacky, babe, when you get this, you need to call me back. Something very serious is going on and I have to talk to you. Love you, bye” I laid back on my bed and just closed my eyes. Gerard didn’t even bother knocking; he just opened the door and laid beside me. “Benji, are you okay?” “No, yes… I’m just taking all of this in as it comes now. At this point I really can’t let myself get stressed out.” “I’m glad you’re being smart.” “Me too.” “I love you Benji.” I looked over and he was staring me in the eyes. I didn’t know if he was serious or not, but like I said, I’m letting it come as it does “I love you too.” He just smiled and held me in his arms.
“After you came back in here, mom made a joke about you being pregnant.” “What did you do?” “I just laughed and walked away. I couldn’t be near her anymore; she’d know something was up. My mom is too smart for her own good.” “I’m going to have to tell her. This isn’t something I can just hide.” “Yea I know.” My phone started going off with Zack’s ringtone “Be back….” I got up and walked outside.
“Zack…” “Babe what's wrong? What's going on?” “I…” “Baby please just tell me, what's wrong?” “I’m pregnant.” “You’re what… How do you know?” “I went to the doctors today and had a test done. I’ve been feeling wrong since you left and I thought that’s what it was, found out today that I am.” “Are you gonna keep it?” “Why wouldn’t I?” “I don’t know…So we’re having a kid?” “Yea…” I heard a small chuckle then the smile in his voice “Well when do you wanna come back home?” “I can’t just up and leave. I still have school.” “You can’t just be away from me either…” “For now, I think that’s what has to happen, but not for long.” “Babe I can’t do this.” “You’re gonna have to, and it’s not like we can’t see each other on holidays.” “Yea…” We talked more about the situation until I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. That and we were on the phone for so long that it started burning my ear.
I walked back into the house past everyone in the living room and back to my room. Gerard was laying on my bed staring at the ceiling. “Something up there?” I asked sitting next to him. “Not really.” He sat up. Gerard looked at me, his eyes were so hollow. “Gerard are you okay?” “Yea I’m fine.” He faked a smile and left the room. I just shook my head and laid down. I don’t know why these people can’t just form an honest sentence. They never want to let anyone in. I live with him and he still hides his feelings.