But the time he walked me home in the rain, his arm around me to keep me warm, there was something, had to be. Like a tiny candle in the dark, flickering, about to go out...
Going back to just friends shouldn`t be that hard, we weren`t lovers. We just got over excitited last night, not to mention hammered on my part.
When I finished being gloomy I put the bowl on the counter then Gerard went to get dressed. He came downstairs and I did my best to smile back.
"Wanna go to the park then?" Gerard asked. I was startled. He was offerning to take me somewhere after he's woken up to me sneaking in....
"Um, o-kay?" I replied.
He showed me to a large open and airy park.
"This is nice." I said vagely. Gerard laughed nervously. The park had lots of people in it. There was a group with a frizbee nearby and they threw it over at us. Gerard picked it up and I watched as he bent down... His jeans gripping him and showing the top of his boxers. God I could tap that..... But it seemed now I had no chance of building a relationship with it. Like everything else, I had ruined such a hope as an 'us'.
We carried on walking down a path and we sat on the swings, all the kids had cleared off from seeing us, I bet.
"So Frank, I was thinking that, well maybe we should..." He stopped because I had frozen. I was going red and tears were welling up. "This is it" I thought, "He`ll say last night was a mistake!" Then it'll be life as before, but even MORE lonely, not even anyone to care enough about me to beat me up! All by my own! Well and truly.
"...Frank, what`s wrong?" Gerard asked. I turned away. "Is this 'cos of this morning?" I burst into tears.
"It`s okay...Ge...Geee...." I choked on his name. "If it`s what you want!! But I don`t deserve to even be your friend!" I buried my face in my hands. "I'm just an idiot who... Who drinks like a fucking -"
"Frankie? Why are you crying? How can you SAY you don`t deserve me? Frankie I really need a person like you!!" Gerard got my arm and I peeked out to see him crouching in front of me. His eyes were wide with concern and I tried to resist crying any more.
"D-Does that mean you don`t regret the carnival though?" I asked quietly, calculating what he meant.
"No!" he answered. I cryed even more and awkwardly fell in Gerard's arms.
"Shhh...." He hushed and stroked my back. I looked up into his eyes with my vision blurred.
Gerard smiled a little sympathetically and wiped the tears away.
"We all do stupid things okay? Maybe last night was too fast or something but I know you must of been drunk. I know there's something in you okay?" Gerard soothed, nestling into me
"Thank you... Thank you..." I muttered happily and greatfully.
"Can we get up? People are looking." I whispered after a few moments.
"Okay." Gerard pulled me up and we walked off.
"I wanna hold you hand though." I said hopefully, but very quietly. Gerard held out his hand and I took it. We ambled along our arms swaying between us in a nice silence. I felt so happy that he'd forgiven me and that he liked me too. My panic washed away as quick as it had come.
"Frank?" Gerard said after a few minutes, "What about your parents?" He reminded.
"No! Aw Gerard, they'll be back soon! Oh no, I uh...!"I started to worry.
"Calm it." Gerard said soflty, pulling me into a hug. I hugged back but carried on talking. I love being in his arms, more than anyone else's. They were different. They meant something else, something I've never really known.
"What will I tell them about the carnival? What'll they think? Dad's a homopho-..." I was cut off when Gerard kissed me. I felt lost and so happy. I could do anything.
"Better?" Gerard grinned. I nodded, still holding him. "But, you should go. You shouldn't upset them Frankie."
"Mmmmm okay" I sighed. I knew where to go "Thank you so much!" Then I darted off and waved Gerard as I went.
Mom and dad were back by time i had made myself a sandwich. I was in the kitchen clearing up when Mom came in.
"Frank! Oh I'm sorry we can't be in! How's the new school? Any nice girls?" She cooed.
"Ah um, great! I met this amazing guy, called Gerard...!" I added hopefully.
"...Because I saw a carnival advertised! Maybe you could go with a girl you like?" mom continued ecstacic for me and any future dating prospects.
"I've been! With Gerard..." I explained.
"Oh....?" Mom trailed off. "But you've only been there for 2 days..."
"Ah Frank!! I heard you're making friends! Thats great!" Dad entered the room and gave me a noogie. He always does them really hard though. I winced.
"Maybe we could meet him and his family soon Jerry. It'd be great to meet the neighbours!" Mom suggested.
"A barbeque!" Dad carried on. I felt myself bubble up at the thought.
"Nooo! Mom! Dad!" I begged, but I was ignored and my parents scheming began.
Monday, at the end of the school day.
"A barbeque? I'll ask Mom and Dad sure!" Gerard said happily. I was defeated.
"It'll be boring Gerard!" I warned him.
"But, if the parents are busy talking outside... It'd be just us and.... and..." We both went embarassed.
"Anyways, Mikey's in the car waiting. See you tommorrow Frankie!"
"Dad!" I exclaimed over the phone, "The Way's are coming this Saturday!" No stopping them now.
Usually I hated social or family gatherings but this time there would be someone apart from Mikey that I liked. It had to be good!
"You didn't invite ourselves did you Gerard?" Mom asked franticaly.
"Frank invited us." She smiled at that. SHe didn't say it but I knew she was happy that I had a proper friend. I've known for a while that she and Dad knew that it was just me and Mike. Not me and lots of riends and Mikey. But, thy don't know what goes on between us.
"Frank?" Frankie was struggling to keep his eyes open at the table outside. Birds were whistling and wind was blowing clamly.
"I was up... Last night. Thinking about...." He yawned, "You." He rested his head on my shoulder and shut his eyes.
"Mmm...." He murmerd. I put my arm round him as he drifted off.
The bell rang and we had to go, I helped Frank up, attracting a few stares from our peers. The whole week was just like that, Frankie was sleepy and the bell rang again and again. Even all the times I let him sleep on my shoulder, once across my chest, I still felt quite nervous around him. Would he really love me back like I could love him?
I think so.