who ever heard of a talking turnip?
‘We couldst be as much as 5 centimeters off course,’ quoth Casey, ‘or 4.6 miles, or 83 BTUs. Either way, ’tis a lot of tomatoes.’
‘Where the heck art we?’ quoth Myles.
‘Let us go over to yonder tavern,’ quoth Scoot, ‘that we may inquire as to where the hell we art.’
And they didst go unto the tavern and inquire where the hell they were. And the innkeeper didst say unto them that they were in the mighty metropolis of Ghost Town.
And so it came to pass in the inn in Ghost Town that the Gods of Hondo didst appear before them as pink-and-purple kittens with magical powers, and Matt said unto them: ‘Greetings, Dudes! We are come to tell Brian Fritz Skanky-Bitch that he shall now have another name.’
‘Thou shalt also now bear the name Pud,’ spake the God of Hawai’ian Shirts. ‘Enjoy thy new name, Pud.’
‘Why?’ quoth Pud.
‘ ’Cause thou’rt the Hans!’ sang the God of Everything Else.
And so the Gods of Hondo didst once again vanish from their midst.
To celebrate this event, the Dudes didst decide to Riverdance.
‘Stand thee aside,’ quoth Scoot, ‘and I shall show thee how ’tis done! For my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was Jehoiachin, the True Lord of the Dance!’
And Scoot didst lead the whole tavern in a great Riverdance, with people dancing on the tables, and he didst even show Casey how to dance on the ceiling.
And there was much rejoicing.
Then a man came in, screaming in horror, and he cried: ‘There is a turnip in the town square, and it’s talking! The horror! The horror!’
And so the Dudes went out and beheld the talking turnip in the town square.
‘Preposterous,’ quoth Myles. ‘for who hath ever heard of a talking turnip?’
‘Hello,’ Jennifer said unto the turnip. ‘And where art thou from, little friend?’
‘The Land of Wind and Ghosts,’ answered the turnip.
‘I don’t believe it!’ quoth Myles. ‘Surely I must be halucinagating again!’
‘Jennifer,’ quoth Pud, ‘ ’Tis against the Commandments of Hondo to talk to strange turnips.’
‘ ’Tis not a strange turnip,’ quoth Jennifer. ‘This little fellow didst scare all the people of my home village.’
‘There is a Spooky Door on the far side of town,’ quoth the talking turnip. ‘It doth lead to the realm of the Technomage. Many turnips died to bring thee this information.’
‘Many thanks for the info, noble turnip,’ quoth Scoot. ‘We shall make the Technomage doth pay for his evil deeds.’
And so the Dudes didst search the far side of town, but they couldst not find the Spooky Door which the talking turnip had told them of.
‘Where is it?’ quoth Casey.
‘I do not know,’ quoth Scoot, ‘but I am sure it will turn up around here somewhere.’
‘I found it!’ quoth Pud.
‘This is it,’ quoth Scoot, ‘the moment for which we have all been preparing.’
‘Let us prepare some more before we enter,’ quoth Pud, for it was a much spookier door than any they had ever seen.
‘No,’ quoth Scoot, ‘for the Thirteenth Commandment sayeth we art to enter all Spooky Doors. No matter how spooky they may be.’
And so the Dudes didst enter the Spooky Door and didst pass unto the realm of the Technomage.