Language, Violence Warning Mikey recalls the first time Gerard was beaten by his boyfriend Bert, and loses his temper this time.
"Gerard...are you okay?" I asked, I was so worried.
"GO THE FUCK AWAY" Bert yelled back at me. Bert was Gerard's boyfriend. They have been going out since a few days after the night I almost killed myself. It hurt me to see him with someone else. But it shouldn't, that's my brother. I am not suppose to have these feelings about him. I’ll never forget the day when I found out that Bert was abusing him.
I went home early from marching band and I saw Gerard beaten up, laying on his bedroom floor. The carpet was coved in something dark, I didn’t know what it was at first. I ran towards him, I thought someone had broke in the house and did this to him.
I kneeled next to him, “Gerard, what happened?” I was shaking. I thought he was dead there for a second. He opened his eyes and started screaming.
“I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY! I WON’T DO IT AGAIN! I’M SORRY!” He was crying and yelling. Choking on his own breath. I hugged him and brought him to his bed to relax him. He was crying and screaming in my shirt, getting it drenched, but I didn’t mind. I just wanted to calm him down, like he did to me, but I wasn’t sure how to do it. I stoked his hair, but my hand ended up in a clump of hair. It was clumped by something dark red, I panicked. I moved his hair around, I could hear him whimpering from the pain, and found a gash in the back of his head. It was about 6 inches long, and it was gushing blood. I was horror-struck by it, how could anyone in their right mind hurt Gerard like this? Hurt a beautiful creature like this? It is the same as shooting a swan in cold blood. It was just unspeakable.
“Who did this to you? Who hurt you like this?” I asked him, I can hear the hardness in my voice, the anger at who ever did this. I can’t believe I could even talk like that. I had always talked with a quiet polite voice, people told me I had gotten that from my mother.
“Mikey, promise you won’t get mad at them, it was my fault. I angered him..”
“I won’t, I just want to know who did this to you.” I told him, in a relaxing voice.
“You promise?” He asked me, tears washing away the blood on his face. His lip was split open and he had two black eyes. His nose looked crooked, out of place. He was breathing through his mouth, my guess being he had broke his nose. Whoever had did this to Gerard had no soul.
“Yes, I promise.” I told him rubbing his back, like he dose to me. He got up on the bed, so he could be eye level to me. I could smell his breath, the smell of cigarettes and coffee filled the air as he talked.
“Umm,….Bert did it…BUT IT’S MY FAULT MIKEY, IT REALLY IS! I MADE HIM MAD, I SAID SOMETHING I SHOULD OF! BELIEVE ME MIKEY! PLEASE DO!” He begged and pleaded me. He was about to cry, I could tell. His body was shaking.
“I won’t tell anyone, I won’t do anything. Make sure it doesn’t happen again, okay?” I begged with him. I hated to see him like this, to see him hurt so badly. He could of died. I wanted to kill Bert, murder him, watch him suffer.
“O-okay” He whimpered, “Mikey, can I stay in here tonight? I don’t wanna sleep alone.”
“I think we should take you to a hospital Gerard. You’re nose might be broken.” I told him, he has seemed to have calmed down. He was no longer shaking, and his sobbing slowed down. He was still bleeding though. I took him to the doctor, his nose was broken like I suspected. They put a mini-cast on it. We told Grandma he fell while walk on the concrete.
I hated Bert for this, he was going to pay some day for what he did to the man I lov.., what am I thinking. I know I shouldn’t feel this way about Gerard. I can’t help it. I know I am a freak, but please don’t judge me. If you ever saw Gerard you would understand. His black hair matched his never sun kissed skin. It was so pale, I loved every inch of it. And his pale rose red lips, I wanted my salmon pink lips to be on top of those pale rose lips. I wanted his black hair to be in my pale face.
Back in reality, I was still standing in front of Gerard’s door. I knocked on the wooden door again.
“I SAID TO FUCK OFF MIKEY!” Bert yelled at me.
“LET ME IN RIGHT NOW OR I’M GONNA CALL THE COPS!” I yelled back. I heard Gerard mumble something and bottles moving around. The door was opened by Bert. I walked in, the carpet still had the stain from Gerard’s head wound. It made me mad every time I saw it. I looked around the room and saw Gerard huddled in the corner of his bed. It look like, by his breathing, that he was crying. I walked over and crawled towards him. His hoodie was covering him up. I couldn’t see his face. I pushed the hood back and brushed the hair out of his face. What I saw next made my stomach turn.
Gerard had to black eyes and his nose was so swollen. His cheeks were puffed out, his WHOLE face was swollen, I couldn’t even recognize him. How could Bert say he loved Gerard but hurt him like this?
“Mikey, it’s not that bad. I deserved it” Gerard whispered
“No…No, you will never deserve this” I told him, I could hear my own voice shaking with anger. I turned to Bert. He was sitting in Gerard’s office chair, near the desk where he drew and wrote all his songs. He was laughing, how dare he have the nerve to laugh. That is when my furry got the best of me.
“WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM? NO MATTER WHAT HE DID, HE DOSE DSERVE IT, YOU BUSTARD!” I yelled, I wasn’t sure if Grandma was home yet, and I didn’t care. Gerard didn’t deserve it.
“OH! Well, look who grew balls all of a sudden! Gonna stand up for you’re big bro? He sure as hell can’t stand up for himself, CAN HE?” The last part he looked and yelled at Gerard, who shook his head like a obedient dog.
“YOU’RE A MOTHER FUCKER! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!” I yelled throwing him out of his chair.
“OR WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, LIL WAY?” He spat back at me.
This is when I lost all of my senses. All I remember next is Gerard pleading me to stop, my Grandma trying to pull me off of something, and Bert McCracken’s blood on my hands.