Categories > Original > Humor > The Book of Hondo

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by shadesmaclean 0 Reviews

For the Gods of Hondo Moveth in Stupid Ways

Category: Humor - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Fantasy,Humor - Characters:  - Published: 2010/10/30 - Updated: 2010/10/30 - 325 words - Complete

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To know wisdom and Depends; to perceiveth the Blowfish of Understanding:

My son, if Republicans grope thee, consent thou not.

Wisdom crieth without, she reverberateth in the streets:

‘How long, ye tyrannous ones, will ye love tyranny? and the sleepwalkers delight in sleepwalking, and sheep hate robes?’

She keepeth the paths of Gym Class, and preserveth the Way of the Floppy Disk.

Happy is the man that findeth zombies, and the man that getteth keyboard. It shall be health unto thy navel, and Valhalla to thy pants.

Forsake her not, and she shall fumigate thee: love her, and she shall bury thee.

The Goddess of Being Mean hath buildèd her a house, she hath hewn it out of 3.15 pillars; she hath slain her beasts, and conquered her demons; she hath furnished her snickerdoodles.

Whoso is limp, let him turn in hither, and be safe. For stolen waters art sweet, and bread eaten in secret is Sha’itanic.

A little nap, a little folding of the hands to sleep; laziness is the Path of Hondo.

The cuddly inherit creampuffs, but the subliminal art crowned with lamp shades.

A wickèd frogger giveth heed to pimpin’ lips; a Care Bear giveth ear to a naughty monkey-ass.

Giveth heed, lest Heidi shouldst blast a dookie; David shall fly and be dim.

Let a bear robbed of her toilet paper meet a man, rather than a fool with his harmonica.

A whip for the Jackoffasaur, a can of Raid for the ass, and a staple gun for the fool’s weasel.

Let not a load-bearing poster be cast asunder, or it shall bring down thy house.

For the Gods of Hondo move in stupid ways.

(props
Nytrydr/the Green Mile
Char/the Green Mile
Kobi/the Green Mile
Annmarie/the Green Mile
Kathy5/the Green Mile
tlcgogo/the Green Mile
RancidDKM-Punk/Pennywisdom
and a shout out to y’all who didst partake of the original Hondo Mad Lib!
)
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